hiya jeff

thanx for your comment
and thank you for you advice
i apreciate it, it helps me improve

sez x

p.s

im brunette -
i got fed up of doing my roots all the time lol

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Despite tearing down fond memories of my youth, you are, as usual, spot on. When I was there last though, I did see a jaguar half heartedly stalking a black headed gull.

Comment is about Chester Zoo (blog)

Original item by Malpoet

A most refreshing read - loved the way you wrapped your words and your teeth around this one Sean - nice one indeedy.

Comment is about Oh Nectarine! (blog)

Hi again Richard - (so much for my revision). There is nothing 'wrong' with your poem as it stands but let's ask ourselves 'how many poems/songs have been written about cities and their under-bellies?' Fookin' thousands. So, it's hard to try and avoid those phrases which have grown, over the years, to become a writer's nemesis - cliché. Leave talking in clichés to the footballers and try to avoid saying what has already been said in a way that's already been said. That's the hard part for any writer but that's the challenge too. There are writers on this site who are already developing a unique style. In reality, we all have a unique way of expressing ourselves but it's difficult to transfer that 'voice' into unique written words.
There is nothing more uplifting than listening to or reading any amount of text that is original and describes the world from a perspective that we haven't even considered.
Billy Collins is great at doing this and our very own Moxy Casimir, to name but two.

Comment is about Welcome to the City (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

"A Doc Martin boot squeaks next to me because it is fashioned in sarcasm.
The lady sitting in the seat ahead of my bulging crushed thigh is reading a recipe for Spinach Pancakes, and dear Christ I think, I love the taste of spinach."-

That's brilliant writing!
Very vivid
Enjoyed immensely!

Comment is about Tram Journey #1 (blog)

hiya richard

thanx for the comment
being compared to eminem is a major compliment,
thank you
i know i write angry poems about my mum
but i love her really lol

much love

sez x

Comment is about Richard Brooks (poet profile)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Darren, you're like my own personal proof-reader. I've made some tiny little changes to it now, but I thought it wasn't a bad 5 minutes work whilst avoiding doing actual work work.

Comment is about Tram Journey #1 (blog)

Hi Richard,
I picked up on the pulse of your poem, which i agree would go down well at an open mic gig.
In my opinion, the second line felt better when i changed it to "of men and women," but that's maybe being a little too picky.

On the whole i feel it's a city of imperfection, seeking perfection. But then aren't we all.

Sorry, i'm a bit sickly today after counting 2 pieces of chewing gum and numerous bits of carrot which i can't remember eating yesterday.
love Janet.xx

Comment is about Welcome to the City (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

I suspect that Salford could be a good inspiration for this poem. It's wise not to name names because as I read it, it's a generic city. It could be any one of our major cities. That apart Richard, I always become uncomfortable with poems that, if you take away a little poetic meat, you're left with nothing but a list of things. This works in some contexts but can become a little diluted in others. Most of the things you talk about, people are well aware goes on. They may not see it, but they're aware about it. What goes on in a city that they may not be aware of? Is there anything?
I picked up a rhythm after reading it more than once, and could easily imagine it being performed. I know there is a rhyme in there but not sure if it's consistant, running, structured or otherwise. The ending begs the simple answer - yes or no. Those that say 'yes' could be quite dismissive about what you have to say. Those that say 'no' you want them to become curious. To nudge forward with curiosity at something that looks maccabe or awful, like people do at the scene of traffic accidents. Asking what is a closed question will nearly always give you a single word answer. Could you not ask people 'why' they still choose to walk the streets if things are as bad as they a painted in your piece or why would people 'choose' to live there. Just another angle to look from.
As it stands it's a decent piece but when you start talking about cities and the beast which dwells in every one of our cities, there needs to be the smallest of things that we can highlight which is significant enough to stand out against the size of a city. For example; you could talk about Salford Quays and the millions spent about how wonderful it looks and then about the used condom that is lying in an empty disabled parking bay. I'm waffling now Richard, sorry. In short - I try to avoid lists. Lists are for shopping!
Now, where's my tin hat?

Comment is about Welcome to the City (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Hi Richard - Perform? Well, I got up on stage and mumbled a load of sprouts. I did the 'Making love with a size ten' which I posted this morning. I was the penultimate poet - which is another phrase for ' blind drunk'. Good fun though.

Comment is about Richard Brooks (poet profile)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Unfortionately I never made it Jeff, but I'm definitely going to be at the next event in Preston because its my home town! I'm sure we'll meet eventually, we may have even already in a parallel world where my name is cir and yours is ffej

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Constructive criticism please! Anything you think can be improved?

Comment is about Welcome to the City (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Mr Malpoet - this is a wonderful piece from the nib of a Mount Blanc cynic. It's all so, so true.
I believe that Knowsley Safari Park is just as bad. £20 or so for driving through open (another word for 'empty' ) fields.

Comment is about Chester Zoo (blog)

Original item by Malpoet

I can see those bishops now - bashing themselves into a frenzy over this.

Comment is about Genesis (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Once again, another vivid piece of writing with that now distinct voice that is EJM.

'Manchester and it's proud work-force'.

Does 'its' need the apostrophé?
Sat or Sitting? Present tense verb.
Some phrases are contracted and others aren't.
Those that are not and those that aren't can sometimes affect the flow, like when you use 'I am' instead of 'I'm' - when you choose 'don't' instead of 'do not' then say 'it is' and not 'it's'. Maybe this is intentional Emily because your writing does have a great distinctive voice. I'd just be aware though that these little things are what some publishers/editors look out for. That's what I was told anyway! It sounds reasonable enough.
Love your writing. Next!

Comment is about Tram Journey #1 (blog)

Yeah, sounds about right.
Janet.x

Comment is about Genesis (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Hi Steve, gripping hard hitting and so well written. It reminded me of the sentiments i had in mind for my 'Genocide' poem I blogged in May.

You smile like you’re winning if your children are involved
I call that conclusive proof that you don’t want to evolve

great lines - excellent stuff, so true, cheers Jeff

Comment is about Holocaust Deniers (blog)

Original item by Steve O'Connor

Hi Richard, let me know how wigan wass if you went. I still havent been to that one yet but will get there, too much on this week.

Prob confused you, I don't play anything, just poetry with me, they had guitarists on before and after me, so quite a good night, hope to meet you soon, prob 2 poems at howcroft, cheers Jeff

Comment is about Richard Brooks (poet profile)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Enjoyed your poem Rodney. I too can remember the times when snow was gumboot deep and we had innocence and happiness.

Comment is about 1963, WHEN THE SNOW STOPPED FALLING (blog)

Original item by Rodney Wood

Hi Richard,
If you do decide to tonight, i'll be there too.
It'll give you a chance to get to know the people behind their poetry. It can be a real eye opener as well as a great experience.
Bring a sample with you just in case you get drunk enough to give you some dutch courage.
Love Janet.xx

Comment is about Richard Brooks (poet profile)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Hi Tomas,
thank you for the comment on my poem. Your website is amazing. You put a lot of energy into poetry. Its great to get into the Write Out Loud site and see so many people out there working so hard for poets and poetry.
Freda

Comment is about Tomás Ó Cárthaigh (poet profile)

Original item by Tomás Ó Cárthaigh

Richard - get your ass to The Tudor House tonight. You don't have to perform, just take it all in. Watch and learn. Learn what not to do - learn what to do and get blind drunk in the process. Apart from spending a night with Emily what's her name - I can't think of anyhting better.

Comment is about Richard Brooks (poet profile)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Hi Richard,
Yes, these discussion lines do get quite heated but they're all a really good bunch of people, most of them very well educated in poetic writing. They all seem to get on well together when they see each other at the gigs too.
It's great when you actually meet the poets in person. You should get yourself out to a few of them. Who knows? it might even give you that courage you need to stand up and read some of your own.
They're really informal and non- judgemental.

I see what you mean about getting Darren involved on your topic. I think you two would get on great, as he is studying and you have too.
He seems to love a good, friendly argument.
Maybe you could have a chat with him through the wol chat service, or start the line of discussion and see how it turns out.
Love Janet.x

Comment is about Richard Brooks (poet profile)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Like sugar glass, my heart dissolves into a 1000 fragments.

Whoo, what an image that line created! Wonderbar. ( yes i know, that's not a word in a dictionary, but i don't care.)

There's loads of great lines in your poem, and the imagery is very colourful.
Thankyou, Janet.x

Comment is about Love is a Cruel Mistress (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

"Evidence of inbreeding is all you'll find in purity."
I wonder if you realize how much truth there is in your words... I won't go on about it.

I love those two lines especially,
"come out from under the pond scum,
Come down from out of the trees."
They say everything about it for me.

At the risk of allowing people to think i know a lot about the subject, i could feel anger and frustration but a great understanding of the people who surround us in this world of ours.
I like the tempo.

Thanks for an enjoyable read and glad you blogged it so i could put my two-penneth in.
Janet.x

Comment is about Holocaust Deniers (blog)

Original item by Steve O'Connor

Great! Reads like a good, sharp, ballad. You should be pleased, very pleased with it.

Comment is about Robert Burns meets Bigfoot (blog)

Original item by Stuart A. Paterson

Oh, Melissa

You touched my doorsteps, as I have had many deaths lately around and could not even focus on writing...Life is so precious. Thank you for the true feelings of loss of those who came along or cross our paths in life, and they have been taken away too soon. Your poem is beautifully written, sad though but that is how life shapes and it is part do of our existence. Missed reading your words, glad to be back!

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about In Their Memory (blog)

Hello, Steve

There are many thoughts in your poem that wake my feelings of the terrible past! Auschwitz...Hmmm ?
I use to live there and worked in the place as well. It is a Museum now but the feeling of those souls that suffered there are present in those blocks made out of brick. The row fashion how they were build. A death factory for many Nations and in what name that was done? Till today I have no answer to this. A scary World we live, as one to try to dominate and lead often to destruction.

You have given a lot of thinking to your write. And I see your points clear, your Love for Freedom and equality for all people.

Fantastic write!!

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about Holocaust Deniers (blog)

Original item by Steve O'Connor

Hi Richard, Finity/Infinity - fair enough, doesn't take a lot to throw me, understand now! Yeah love the concept, life after death of some sort, or something after the 'end' of the universe - does my head in!

Yes, you will have to get to a gig, I'm doing loads now! I will be at Howcroft in Bolton this sunday and the boars head in Middleton next sunday. I'm also doing a gig supporting my mates punk band this saturday!

Doing a similar set to last week when I did a punk/acoustic night in Bolton. Did 13 poems incl some john Cooper Clarke, went really well! Hope to meet you soon, cheers Jeff

Comment is about Richard Brooks (poet profile)

Original item by Richard Brooks

I'm thinking of working from home myself.
Think i'll give this occupation a miss though.

Satin and lace knickers don't iron very well either.
Janet.x

Comment is about Working From Home (blog)

Original item by Malpoet

Hey, no. I didn't immediately see that.Very well thought out Richard. Have you entered it into the scribble writing competition?

If you try changing all the first letters to capitals, it might be seen more easily.
Good sense of injustice to justice poem.

Love Janet.xx

ps. hope it's not autobiographical.

Comment is about Taste The Day (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Your not by any chance related to Banjo Paterson are you Stue. As your tale is very reminiscent of his style of poetry its good . I love it, more more more.---.

Comment is about Robert Burns meets Bigfoot (blog)

Original item by Stuart A. Paterson

Stuart
Your poem is good,I like the flow and its energetic too.. The beginning and ending verse just brilliant. Good work

Comment is about A poem (blog)

Original item by Stuart A. Paterson

Did anyone notice that the start of each line spells taste in the stanza? I was going to make the letters bigger to stand out but thought this rather a fake thing to do

Comment is about Taste The Day (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Hi Jeff, I chose timeless finity for its juxtaposition, because we really don't know if the world is infinite or if it will be bound my time just as in the case ourselves, no one really knows if our death will start another timeline going, maybe in a parallel universe, thanks for the comments Jeff! I still need to make it to one of the gigs!

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Photographs by me

Comment is about Oh, 'Ello - a mysterious sign in Wggin (photo)

First 10 photos by me the rest by Seamus Kelly - www.shayart.co.uk

Comment is about Julian Jordon comperes at the Howcroft Inn, Bolton June 2008 (photo)

The first 12 photographs are by Peter Crompton the rest by Seamus Kelly - www.shayart.co.uk

Comment is about Cayn White dunks his biscuit at Stubbing Wharf, Hebden Bridge July 2008 (photo)

Photographs by Seamus Kelly - www.shayart.co.uk

Comment is about A poet at the Howcroft Inn, Bolton July 2008 (photo)

Hello Freda, i'm Janet. nice to meet you, to meet you, nice! in write out loud!
( don't really know why i did that introduction but it seemed right.)

Love your poetry. Especially "puppy."
The sky like a well used tea towel etc.. really made me laugh.
Great stuff.x

Comment is about Freda Davis (poet profile)

Original item by Freda Davis

Hi Melissa, how poignant and so true, there have been so many. I listen a lot of Joy Division, no surprise when you read some of my stuff! I thought this (spooky) when I put a pic of singer Ian Curtis on my 'When will it pass' poem.

our heart cries at the loss
of their early departure,
at the light over the stage
disappearing so fast,

- beautiful Melissa and thanks for your comments as always, Jeff x

Comment is about In Their Memory (blog)

Hi Richard,
Oh i do love the essence of this poem, and the shape. Well!!
It's said that there are thirteen crystals resembling diamonds in the world.
If six of these come together, our universe will implode. ( you just made three of 'em.)

Peace = Pleasure Experienced by Accepting all Creation as it Exists.
Love Janet.xx

Comment is about Timeless Finity (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Pps shouldn't it be Timeless Infinity? (dont know if type error, delete this whatever!)

Comment is about Timeless Finity (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Hi Richard, this is excellent, I've ofte thought about the end of the universe, but there can't be one and that does my head in.

Love the concept and the spaceship dimension of the stanzas, great stuff. Just one thing, the second stanza looks like a line short at the bottom, should there be one word to balance up to 15 lines like the others? Something like 'away' or 'fast' ?

Anyway, love it cheers Jeff ps you would love Carla's groovy socks, I've amended it slightly too, cheers

Comment is about Timeless Finity (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Very good, some good lines, sounds like you do as much pervin as me! Nowt wrong with that! cheers Jeff

Comment is about Low Fashion (blog)

Original item by Malpoet

Hi Melissa,
Once again you have created a beauty in a maudlin like scene. ( funereal)
I like the idea of a candle burning in memory of them. However, i believe we are all legends in our own way. At least in our loved ones eyes.

Love Janet.xx

Comment is about In Their Memory (blog)

Hi Richard,
Thanks for the comment to " I am me."
That word is "me " but i ended the poem like i did because it actually begins with " I. "
Do you see?

I've never attended writing classes but i stumbled on a link on wol which had a section about how to write a poem.
Played around with the words and ideas and that's what came of it.
Blogged it just for a bit of fun really.

By the way, did you see how the discussion link continued, which you started before you biked it?
The one about "what is poetry?"
Take a peek, i think it's still there.
Thanks again, love Janet.xx

Comment is about Richard Brooks (poet profile)

Original item by Richard Brooks

First off, I love the formation of your poem. Secondly, I love its essence, the spirit of time.

No matter how advanced we become, the endless skies of the galaxy will still remain far out of our reach, bending every belief and theory of what it contains, and allowing our dreams to touch its stars.

Love the poem. :)

Comment is about Timeless Finity (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

Hi, Richard.

Thank you for your comment on my poem, Fine Line. You hit the nail on its head with the existentialism and nihilism.

As for the soldier's life, it is something that I could never do myself, but I feel that these men and women should be recognized as heroes for putting their lives on the line.

Take care. :)

-Melissa

Comment is about Richard Brooks (poet profile)

Original item by Richard Brooks

I like your sense of humour, cocaine and crosswords? Do they complement each other? I feel the last stanza is missing a line or something... Keep them coming

Comment is about Cocaine and Crossword Puzzles (blog)

Original item by alex iamb