Brilliant!!! Makes me want to walk around stamping my feet, crying "Yes!" and also a few swear words... well done! Really got under my skin.

Comment is about .................And I Say Unto Thee! (blog)

Original item by Noetic-fret!

Thanks for you comments I'm glad you liked it.

Mark

Comment is about This be the Verse..if Larkin's parents had given him more bedtime cuddles (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

No Darren, its not a poem that I get defensive about this one, so Im up for any suggestions and reworks. Sometimes if you step out of yorself and allow it to opne up as long as you stay true to the core emotion and what you feel passionate about then you can improve on it. I used to get all defensive upon critique but I think you have to go thru that to develop a confidence in yourself that can dispel the feeling of 'leave my poem alone!' if you dont open up you cant progress, I welcome and fully engage with your critique.

I am not complacent nor assured that im perfect, none of us are, if you write to be read then the most valid thing is what the reader says.

Comment is about lonely (blog)

NO! Don't ever throw pieces like this away Pete.
It's like throwing away quality paint which keeps for years in the right conditions.

Assuming that MOST people understand the difference is sometimes not the best thing to do.
If this piece is up for edit - I'll email you with how I think a nuance in some clauses could strengthen it?

Either that or you can tell me to 'KOFF'. Like somebody else has already done this morning.

Comment is about lonely (blog)

well im not sure if it worked but the ending is when a new person arrives. They suddenly burst into the persons life, and it needs to be taken slow as theres a lot of build up to remove, layers etc. Thats why I put 'usher in gentle'
however it could be that 'usher in gentle' is the reverse of this. depends how you read it.

The thing is I usually throw these types of poems away, got a box full

Comment is about lonely (blog)

Thanks all.
Darren yes you are correct and I wrote this almost to throw myself off balance, or should I say to wake myself up, or to challenge myself. It is an attempt. Im real happy to listen to your critique and I actually wrote it with a critique session in mind as I felt that it begins to be something then my lack of writing skill (in term sof academic) just lets it down. Im believe i have th emotion angle covered and its a case of tutoring, this is where lessons and workshops help. I am prepared to edi this one etc.

Comment is about lonely (blog)

How true,what we all need and want are more hugs and kisses. Good

Comment is about This be the Verse..if Larkin's parents had given him more bedtime cuddles (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

Great image Peter,a sad reflection for so many. Good poem, very good Peter

Comment is about lonely (blog)

You're writing some good stuff, it seems, at the moment.
I don't agree with Darren that you need to reinforce the difference between loneliness and alone - I think most people already understand the two are not the same, and if they don't ... they're probably not going to get the rest of the poem anyway.
Et je suis d'accord avec Francine!
Cx

Comment is about lonely (blog)

Good piece.
Cx

Comment is about Old Photographs (blog)

Original item by Cate

Excellent stuff!
Cx

Comment is about This be the Verse..if Larkin's parents had given him more bedtime cuddles (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

Pete - this is good. Introspection is alive and well. Hope the foot isn't troubling you too much.

I'm not sure though if you're trying to personify something or if the piece is an attempt at concrete poetry. On my PC, the layout of the text has the look of a faucet. If I squint harshly.

I'd be tempted to include the word 'alone' in there too. Near the end. Bit of a twist, say...

'now you have arrived alone' OR
'as you arrive all alone'.

This may help to reinforce the difference between the two emotive states. Which is huge.

See ya soon.

Comment is about lonely (blog)

Nice tribute to a brilliant musician/singer/songwriter
who touched many...

Comment is about Tribute to John (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Beautifully written... as always.
Je suis tellement contente que tu as décidé de partager ton talent - tes poèmes de nouveau : )

Comment is about lonely (blog)

Love it Mark - the humour and also the celebration of the positive.

Comment is about This be the Verse..if Larkin's parents had given him more bedtime cuddles (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

lovely poem! I like it a lot, a lot , a lot! thank you

Comment is about This be the Verse..if Larkin's parents had given him more bedtime cuddles (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

Thanks Dermot. Think I may do a couple at the next Wigan!

Comment is about Summer (blog)

Original item by Louise Coulson

wouldn't scan - besides, it's more a kind of not being able to feel that sleepy thing than not being able to find sleep itself.

Comment is about Some days, I am comforted by quietly despairing (blog)

Original item by Dermot Glennon

Beautiful words for a horrific subject. Excellent.

John

Comment is about And We Have Milk for Garden (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

This is very well expressed, with an excellent choice of words. The formatting of your lines I find hard to follow, but that is my own opinion. I do wonder how you would read this aloud. Often, reciting a poem decides for me where I could, or should, break a line in my own work.

Comment is about Old Photographs (blog)

Original item by Cate

Yes I would agree with Dave. A very sad one Cate - we all have photos like that - though some have been completely shredded. I like the fact that you have departed from rhyme with this one - I think it adds to the poem and to its simplicity. I have nothing against rhyme - just think it's good to try different styles.

Comment is about Old Photographs (blog)

Original item by Cate

Sian, if you see it in the eyes, it's gorra be love, and everyone who has it is lucky to have it, however imperfect and "of sorts" love might be. "Silver weeds planted at my feet" .. a lovely line. Good to see you back posting.

Comment is about Searching for Chains (blog)

Original item by sian howell

I liked this Cate. Deceptively simple but really takes the imagination along, which is half the battle

Comment is about Old Photographs (blog)

Original item by Cate

several phrases of this poem will forever be associated in my mind with the moonwalking enterprise.I love the sentiment.Thanks for that.
Well done! Steve Smith

Comment is about Television Moon (after the Moon Landing, July, 1969) (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Hi Cynthia. I see in the evocation of social isolation in this, and a comcomitant poetic compassion. It needed saying, of course, though maybe I've misinterpreted the poem (wouldn't be the first time!).

Comment is about Oh, Daughters, My Daughters! (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Merci Gus pour tous tes commentaires positifs sur mon poème 'Elusive'...
Je suis inspirée de mieux faire chaque fois...
Contente aussi qu'il t'a plu : )

Francine x

Comment is about Gus Jonsson (poet profile)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

I read it and understood most of it...
and without reading your explanation first...

I am getting there ; )

Comment is about back to the moon (blog)

Thank you so much for your input Steve...
Yeah, I chose 'In the darkness of night' for the dual meaning...
When I wrote this, my inspiration came from a past dream and a current situation...
Will look at it again... I appreciate your time.

Francine x

Comment is about garside (poet profile)

Original item by garside

Hi Cate!
Funny you should mention dream, because my poem 'Elusive' was actually inspired from a dream and a current situation...

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment - it is very much appreciated!

Francine x

Comment is about Cate (poet profile)

Original item by Cate

Thank you Cynthia for taking the time to read and comment on my poem 'Elusive'...

As far as the page placement - It didn't come out exactly as I had wanted...
I always seem to have problems with font, size, and placement on here...
Your comments/suggestions are always appreciated.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Hi Sian!
You know that I am a fan of your work, and I am so happy to see you back and posting : )

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my poem 'Elusive'...
I really appreciate it - means so much!

Francine x

Comment is about sian howell (poet profile)

Original item by sian howell

Dave, just read your poem 'Become A Little Sage'
Good rhyme and flow... Can tell you were inspired by Lennon...
Will read more.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my work...
I appreciate the fact that you also see the page set up of my poem 'Elusive' as an aide in how it would be read...
I couldn't get it exactly how I wanted it though... Always seem to have trouble with fonts, size, and placement - it just won't show up properly on here for some reason.

Comment is about Dave Dunn (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Lovely poem Freda. I live in quite a rural area and hear the dawn chorus every morning - have to say I appreciate more in poetic form than I do at 4a.m.
Cx

Comment is about Dawn Chorus (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

Back - and on form! Good stuff.
Cx

Comment is about Searching for Chains (blog)

Original item by sian howell

Excellent stuff - as ever. Not sure about 'feel somnolence' - unable to find sleep would seem to suit better - old 'rule' -prefer the anglo-saxon ... far less pompous!
Cx

Comment is about Some days, I am comforted by quietly despairing (blog)

Original item by Dermot Glennon

Hi Tomas,
Thanks for reading and commenting on my work - very much appreciated.
Cx

Comment is about Tomás Ó Cárthaigh (poet profile)

Original item by Tomás Ó Cárthaigh

Hi Sian,
Thanks for reading and commenting on 'Manchester Rain' - very much appreciated.
Good to see you back again too!
Cx

Comment is about sian howell (poet profile)

Original item by sian howell

As ever - many thanks for reading, and thanks for adding your own special touch - always a revelation!
Cx

Comment is about Dermot Glennon (poet profile)

Original item by Dermot Glennon

Hi Cynthia, Thank-you so much for reading and commenting on 'Manchester Rain'. And thank-you too for your suggestions - I have re-worked it a little, tried to make it tighter - though I do have a problem with using 20 words where 2 would do!
Thanks again,
Cx

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

LOL - I promise not to be beholding to you then, hehe. I suspect you might find 'Exposure' slightly more up thar street ;)

Comment is about Brand New View (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

well, alright, but I'd still advocate giving up beholding. Last time I beheld I got some beauty in my eye; it effing wrecked!

Comment is about Brand New View (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Maybe, maybe not. I think I prefer not on the whole, but doubtless you like freedom of expression too - whilst we are still allowed any....... ;)

Comment is about Brand New View (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Nice. When are we going to see you perform it on stage at Wigan or somewhere?

Comment is about Summer (blog)

Original item by Louise Coulson

You might want to replace "thee" with "you" and live in the century we've got. It's ace. We've got these supermarket doors that open as if by magic when you go near them. And, we've stopped beholding things too.

Comment is about Brand New View (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Hi Cynthia

You've hit a rich vein. I love this. I can imagine older teenagers being very struck by it and having their eyes opened a little to what is going on around them.

Comment is about Oh, Daughters, My Daughters! (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thanks Francine. I was trying to convey in the last two lines the freedom from these feelings. Beat of the wings, beat of the heart, beat of the rhythm possibly....

Comment is about Summer (blog)

Original item by Louise Coulson

Hi Cynthia

Thank you for your very kind comments. You ask how 'Only Fond' came about. It's recent. Usually the words just well up, perhaps triggered by a stray thought or feeling, which has some intensity behind it. I grab some paper and pen - very frustrating if that's not around - and start scribbling. Then stand back, look at what's there. Then start honing. More may come as the honing process continues. A friend may occasionally make a suggestion. Then there is a moment it feels finished. The whole has a balance and the well is dry

It would be interesting to know what your approach is, and that of others. Suitable for a discussion perhaps - I've had little involvement in them so far.

I have no idea how 'objectively' good my stuff is - if that is even a meaningful concept here. It simply feels necessary or I'd go off pop and it's nice to have people to share it with. There are some really very good poems on this site and it's fine just being part of it all. Different people connect with different poems and that's fine too.

Thanks again Cynthia - the appreciation is mutual.

Dave

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Dave, you may be new to the site but your stamp is made. The quality is unerringly maintained. Is this a new piece, or one well thought over for some time?

Comment is about only fond (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Hi Dave, I wondered if you would see my reference to Stoke - the city formerly known as the Potteries! Ha, thanks anyway, see you friday, will put you down for an open mic, cheers

Comment is about Dave Morgan (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Hi loved this Anthony... well we all need a little something to raise our heart rate ...they say it's good for us apparently...anyhow nothing lasts forever. Sian X

Comment is about risk (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson