Hi S.C. (I wasn't sure if it was Shoeless, or Carole - or both)

Thanks for visiting "Neil" and your comments.

I looked at this earlier but didn't have time to comment - and now notice (as others have) that you have exchanged boobs for bivouacs (prefer boobs myself, but then I would, I'm a bloke!)

Like the chap visiting the shrink who told him, "Doctor, some days I think I'm a tepee, others I think I'm a marquee."
" I see the problem" said the Doc, "You're simply too tense."

Wear those rocks with pride!

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about BIG DIAMONDS (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Hi Alison,

And thanks for visiting "Neil" and your comments. Good to see poetry on contemporary issues - and handled deftly with the weaving-in of technical and relevant expressions.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about Falling hero (blog)

Original item by Alison Smiles

Hi Ray,

Thanks for your comments on "Visiting Neil." Any crit/crib is always welcome and valued. I'm not sure if you've read the note I posted shortly after; this may put the piece in a slightly different context.

This immediately put me in mind of Eminem's work. Fantastic manipulation of half-rhymes/off-rhymes and assonances throughout, tricking and toying with your reader's expectations to create that almost staccato effect. I always admire your obvious technical skills; when they are matched by content and context it just gets better.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about Bad Faith (blog)

You have returned to the defensive and aggressive pic again.... NEED yer legs!!!

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Hi Ann,

And thanks for visiting "Neil." There seems to quite a lot of "sensual" stuff being penned by you ladies at the moment. Are they putting something in the water?

Just one small query - What's "foreplay?" ;-)

I always feel I ought to be trying to write something erotic from the male perspective, but haven't managed it yet. Women are so much better at it.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about the poetess (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Picasso roaming

foaming into the heart of a

Manchester coffee break

slipping out of her shoe

she bleeds into the the blue memory stones of somewhere

Squinting

Watching rose tinting Matadors
Paint out politicos with strokes of dazzle day sunlight

Comment is about That's what I call creative! (article)

Hi Dave,

I'm a big fan of the use of dialect in poetry - and humour too. We are sometimes so serious about poetry we forget how to laugh. I'm glad that you're around to remind us. Got to keep those chuckle-muscles working!

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about Pandora's Box (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Hi Ann,

Apologies for not commenting on this earlier. You posted it when I was off-site for a while so I missed it; and only now (via a very circuitous route) have discovered it. You don't need to change anything in this, and I would second Banksy's comments - it's a beautiful poem, delicately and thoughtfully handled. If there were a riposte to Auden's "Funeral Blues" this would be it. The title draws the reader in (isn't Coromandel a fantastic word - in the same way that Timbuktu and Samarkand and Xanadu are?) There is only one thing wrong with this - I wish I'd written it!

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about coromandel (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

No mention of sex Carole.... save the reference to sexual intercourse and size ....

Quote - 'and fuck off big diamonds'


Mmmmmmm... it always comes down to the same old issues...

Wonderful poem!!

Gus xx

Comment is about BIG DIAMONDS (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

a mouthful of poems...
come now...
... you don't expect me to swallow that, do you?

Seriously though this poem, which is good, could have , in my opinion, been superb if you had edited it a few times over.

Take your time... your work is worth it.

Gusxx

Comment is about the poetess (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I like this one Kath! Sad and poignant :-)

Comment is about (blog)

Original item by Kath Hewitt

This really gets the imagination going. Well written Steve.

Comment is about white cat hunting (blog)

Original item by stephen smith

A marvellous piece of writing, and a remarkable story which really should be kept alive. So vivid and moving. I've been through the Cheesepress in Long Churn. Bad enough but kid's stuff compared with what Neil was doing.

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Fun, fun, fun! This reminds me of a rewrite I did on one of Lady Ga Ga's songs. It's called Gased by your underpants and it starts like this... Ra Ra Rom ma ma-a - a bad aroma ma-maa.... Do you recogise it? Don't know if I'll ever get round to performing it (I need a backing track) but I'd love to hear yours performed. The Pandora series has been fascinating - hasn't it? I've loved every one of them - the different personalities of poets on show, as much as the poetry! xx

Comment is about Pandora's Box (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

I agree with Isobel... Beautiful writing and sentiments Anthony.
I am moved beyond words.

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Pandora's Box = sock heaven. Brilliant. Thanks for commenting on mine Dave. This is far better.

Comment is about Pandora's Box (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Just to emphasise the first sylable (in a Northern sort of way). Maybe it doesn't need it. Thanks - Dave

Comment is about Pandora's Box (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Brilliant, Dave, very funny, I liked the sandals bit best of all. Don't know why Oh lympic flame, typo or am I missing summat?

Comment is about Pandora's Box (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Excellent.
I've seen him in Netto. Ooops!

Comment is about human being (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Enjoyed reading all the Pandora's Box poems. Here's something silly from me.
Dave

Comment is about Pandora's Box (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Banksy - you're obviously with the wrong woman!

Comment is about the poetess (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi - Ann - yes I guess we should WALOP. Only problem being that people must email me with poems they feel worthy of nomination, for us then to all to vote on a winner. I have only had a couple of people do that so far. Do you have a list for me? If so, do email me... I will put a reminder up tomorrow. I guess Pandora's box may end up on two lists - but that doesn't matter, since the original idea was just a bit of fun.

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I feel I should have said something else - superb writing - the sort that touches you inside and leaves you feeling like you can't say enough...

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

I'm glad you posted the explanation of who Neil is and how he died - it helps to understand the poem better and the sound effects.

I liked the introduction - like a conversation with an old friend before you launch into the meat of the poem.

I would have liked the echoing effects to diminish or cease from 'a firmament...' onwards and then pick up again towards the end. I say this because the words were so beautiful, I wanted to hear the weight of them without the distraction of the echo.

I think the echo effect represented perfectly the sounds you'd hear trapped in a cave - also the slipping in and out of consciousness of a dying mind.

I found the poem incredibly moving and yes I cried... There are too many beautiful lines to comment on, so I will just leave it at that. x

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Hi - "Visiting Neil" - would you allow me to put this on my website under "favourite poems by other authors" ? all the best. B

Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

what can we say - I'm sure you can hear the applause. B

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Beautiful. Just beautiful. Such a wonderful richness of language and imagery, and this poem will touch so many people on so many different levels. Anthony you have surpassed yourself!!
Cate xx

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Oh just some things I brought for you
I thought you might have missed – comforts, more for me than you
perhaps,

The whole poem is very accurate but, yes taking gifts to a grave side is a most devastating moment in life

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

I'm soft. My eyes welled up too. In a good way.

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Ta very much, Tommy, Dave and Andy.

Comment is about Bad Faith (blog)

Beautiful, I love such poems as these, and though it seems churlish to crib it, I shall anyway. The excellence of the poem lies between "a firmament of winter stars" and "an agnostic's faltering prayer". I think if you ended there and abbreviated the intro somewhat you'd have a great poem.

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

I used "unthought" in the last poem I posted, without being certain it's a proper word. So I'll assume it is now.I love your inventive way with language, without always grasping what you're on about, though that's not the be-all. Funnily enough, I thought the best line was the simple "It makes me want to stamp my feet".

Comment is about The Hour of the Critic (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Hi Andy, thanks for your feedback. I do agree with you about not needing hard and defensive together but when i read it back again i cant seem to not say it now. x

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Hi, dear Ann! Thank you very much for congratulating me with my birthday. Your birthday is on the 26th of May, isn't it? We are really spiritually very close to each other. My congratulations to you. We say here: better late than never. With warmest wishes, Larisa

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Yes, this is superb. Its language, its pace but overall its theme which resonates with me as I lost a childhood 'best friend' when we were both just 15.

Great writing Anthony.

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Hi;

I referred my painter friend Olga over to your comment on your paintings... Have you being given any links off her stuff to look at online (there is a few bits and pieces) x

Comment is about Marianne Daniels (poet profile)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

enjoyed this, marianne.. top banana in particular 'a suspended child willing the will of work away' but the language is generally pretty crisp and shows a lot of thought...

i enjoyed this! x

Comment is about The Hour of the Critic (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

excellent dave.. i would totally fail to keep a straight face if i was trying to perform this however.. lol

Comment is about human being (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

couple of layers there, kath which could be take several ways but i like the way you change it from the third person to the first person in the last stanza works pretty well..

not sure if you need both defensive and hard on the last stanza as i think it adds a extra beat which doesn't exist in the first two stanzas..

either way, top banana - i think you are defo getting better x

Comment is about (blog)

Original item by Kath Hewitt

excellent stuff - lot of good lines but my favourite is 'the ill-defined tremor of repeat prescriptions'

andy n

Comment is about Bad Faith (blog)

Me too ... absolutely wonderful. Love it!
Cx

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Are we WOLOPing this month? And thank you so much for lovely comment on "Poetess" too. x

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Blimey Tommy - you windin' me up? ;-) I promise if I ever write the sequal ("Let My Second Cousin Twice Removed Be A Gnu") that the giraffe will have a special verse just for you! But don't hold your breath! x

Comment is about family (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

What a wonderful poem Anthony. Made me cry. Those last four lines particularly. x

Comment is about Visiting Neil (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

You pose some interesting questions Dave, related to puzzles and life...
I personally get frustrated when my puzzles have missing pieces ; )

Comment is about Jigsaw (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

We can all relate to your words in some respect Rosemary, because nobody wants to be ignored or feel the indifference of another they have loved.

Powerful lines:

'It kills me slowly, stabbing the goddess within
It razors my heart in two
And leaves me longing for word of you.'

'a void unfilled now grows within
A black hole in my soul'

Comment is about Golden Silence? (blog)

I really like this poem. The image of the cat caught my attention straight away. Then, the "I too was hunting" section brings in regret and memory in a very moving way. A thoughtful piece.

Comment is about white cat hunting (blog)

Original item by stephen smith

"Her breasts are a rhyming couplet"

Probably the best line of poetry I have came across in my time on this site.

Comment is about the poetess (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

But I like giraffes, why are there no giraffes?

Comment is about family (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

thing is ladies , you both know darn well that isnt who i am , it might be who i aspire to be :) but its not how it is
yes chris , you are right tent :)

Comment is about BIG DIAMONDS (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole