Blue hypnotic drawing me in,
seeing and knowing all of me.
Inviting, daring me to succumb,
predatory sexuality in her gaze,
she's waiting, enjoying the tease.
There's sadness behind her lust.
though buried and lost to time
it seared the edges of her heart
and made her cold.
She no longer knows how to love.
Her gaze has become hard
and defensive.
The playful challenge gone,
replaced by rage and spite.
I'm spell-bound no more
and she is no longer loved.
Comments
couple of layers there, kath which could be take several ways but i like the way you change it from the third person to the first person in the last stanza works pretty well..
not sure if you need both defensive and hard on the last stanza as i think it adds a extra beat which doesn't exist in the first two stanzas..
either way, top banana - i think you are defo getting better x
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Steven Kenny
Thu 27th May 2010 21:13
I like this one Kath! Sad and poignant :-)