new year, new me

new year, same old shit, same broken me.

the games they play will never change

the lies they tell will only grow in numbers

and every one

will erode at my happiness

and reduce what could have been mountains

down to only dirt.

i am broken

shattered

irrepairable 

destroyed.

i used to be

i try to be

so kind

and compassi...

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i want to marry you.
maybe we'll both wear dresses 
maybe Skyler will be our best man
maybe my family won't be invited
maybe Steve will walk me down the isle
maybe our color will be black
or blue
or dark red 
or a deep purple
maybe you'll have half your head shaved
and I'll have an arm covered in tattoos
maybe our first dance will be to an Incubus song
maybe to an Ed Sheeran song
mayb...

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things are getting bad again. things have been bad for awhile.

maybe im thinking too much, i mean, i havent slept in 24 hours

maybe it's just that video i watched on black holes getting to me

the thought that one day everything i know will just be sucked into one singularity and basically cease to exist

it's not really comforting...

things have been bad for awhile.

it's not so mu...

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I wanted death.

I wanted to leave.

I wanted to give up.

It was like driving down the interstate when it's raining.

Hard.

And

you're terrified

Because

you can't even see the end

of the hood of your car

Let alone the road in front of you.

You feel lonley

You don't know if there's anyone else there

on the road

You don't know if you're g...

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Note: there is some strong language in this. it's not too bad. it's not too excessive, either. one word in here twice, i think. and if you're wondering, yes, the colors mean something. and yes, im genuinely asking a question to you, the reader. and to the person this is about. but i pray he never reads or finds this. anyway, enjoy.

Am I selfish for wanting another hug? 

I handed you the...

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