new year, new me

 

new year, same old shit, same broken me.

 

the games they play will never change

the lies they tell will only grow in numbers

and every one

will erode at my happiness

and reduce what could have been mountains

down to only dirt.

 

i am broken

shattered

irrepairable 

destroyed.

 

i used to be

i try to be

so kind

and compassionate

and gentle

but now i am angry

and bitter

and mean.

 

i can feel myself changing

and it only makes the ache inside me grow

because this is not who i want to be

but i dont know how to stop

the darkness

from taking over.

 

i have hope

i still have little morning talks

i have my beautiful friends, who are now family

i have the promise of getting help

 

but it doesnt repair what is broken

its just a longing for change

an idea that maybe one day

Maybe

I can see the light again.

 

Maybe my small pile of dust

Can begin to accrete

Into a mountain.

 

This year im going to fix myself

This year I will not fall into the same trap

I will rely on my friends as if they are family

If I truly am broken beyond repair

At least I can say I tried

 

New year, new me.