to you,

i am nothing.

 

every memory

every laugh 

every smile

every tear

every mistake

every argument

every compliment

is nothing.

 

i could never compare

to weed

according to you.

 

i could never compare

to autism and down syndrome jokes

according to you.

 

my love for you

the fact that you're my best friend

the things you've helped me through

are nothing to you.

 

i love you.

and i was watching you stay inside a burning house

and everyone around you could see your skin blister

but you refuse to admit somethings wrong.

 

you were going to do drug deals near our school

you were going to film them

you were going to get a senior 

whos trying to graduate

to take a bong hit in the hallways of our highschool.

i told you it's dumb

i told you you'd get in trouble

and you said to me 

"a few days of ISS or OSS is worth it"

but you refused to believe you would be expelled.

 

so i told.

i told one of my closest friends

and he reported it to the school

and he said to me

"he's hurting you

he's bringing you down

if it weren't for him,

you would have never smoked pot

you would have never started slacking on your school work

he's a good person

but right now

he's not good for you

and you need to let him know

you need to let him realize how much he's fucking himself over"

and that's what i did.

cos that's what you're doing.

 

you're fucking yourself over.

you're smart.

you had big dreams

and then you turned into a stereotype.

you became a burnout.

 

you say you never worked hard on your grades and i know that isnt true

you say you never cared and i know that isnt true

you say "im turning into the person i want to be" and i know that isnt true

because you don't wanna be a burnout

you don't wanna be a failure

and i thought 

you didnt wanna lose me

but apparently you dont care.

 

i refuse to support someone who thinks it's okay to make fun of people with handicaps

i refuse to support someone who thinks it's okay to waste his life away

i refuse to support someone who tries their hardest to make me seem stupid

i refuse to support someone who refuses to support me

i refuse to support someone who never truly showed me they loved me

i refuse to love someone who doesn't love me back

because if you did

you wouldn't have left.

 

you'd make the argument 

"if you loved me, you wouldn't be a rat"

if i didnt love you 

i would let you get in trouble with your parents

i would let you get expelled from school

i would let you get arrested 

i would let you ruin your life.

but i do love you

so i did the opposite.

 

i gave you a chance to turn things around

i gave you a chance to realize how wrong you're being

i gave you a chance to be who you used to dream of

before this fucking drug made you forget.

 

this drug made you forget who you are

you're lost in wanting to take another hit

when you used to be lost in the idea of becoming someone your parents werent

 

and you're right

you're not gonna be just like them, Skyler

you're gonna be worse.

 

it kills me

to sit here

and

watch

you

burn

 

so i left a bucket of water on your front porch

so maybe you'll be able to put out this fire

before you suffocate

before your house collapses in on you

before it's too late.

 

and just so you know

you burnt me, too

and i'll always have the scars

but i'll cherish them

because you are one of the best things that ever happened to me, Skyler

and i'll love you

for as long as i live.