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No, I really don't care what Gail wrote on Facebook
“Ooh, have you seen what Gail's put on Facebook?”
“About Jade's Spanish lodger? Right made me giggle.”
“Bet you can guess what's underlined in her phrase book!”
“When I told our Kylie she fainted in Lidl.”
“She said, ‘well that explains the bar through her nipple! ‘“
“She definitely has. I've seen it full frontal.”
“So I guess the kids have another new uncle?”
“What has she be...
Friday 15th February 2019 1:28 pm
There were only seven chicken meatballs in my pack of eight
This is my attempt at a true crime/romance/poetry crossover and it’s called “There were only seven chicken meatballs in my pack of eight”.
There were only seven chicken meatballs in my pack of eight
So I opened up my Macbook to send an email of complaint.
She said
Look. You need to get a sense of perspective.
It’s petty, it’s sad, and you sound like a git.
P...
Thursday 14th February 2019 10:05 pm
Sandwich fillings: an elegy
Siberian kale with cherrystone clam
Bulgar, quinoa, and spicy brown mustard
Orange okra served with whiskey-roast ham
Red chard, leaf lard, and savoury custard
Avocado jam with relish of quince
Shaved black truffle with sourdough croutons
Sun dried tomatoes with guinea pig mince
Plantain wraps served on tiny oak futons
Sandwich menus leave me filled with remorse
...Thursday 14th February 2019 12:35 pm
The Great Burger Stakes
I went to my freezer – I fancied a scoff.
I opened the lid and the burgers – THEY’RE OFF!
And what would you like on your burger today?
Ah well, now you’re asking – a fiver each way!
I’ve has burgers from Asda, but I can disclose
That the burgers from Tesco, they just won – by a nose!
To decrease burger fat is our serious ...
Monday 11th February 2013 8:15 pm
Brief Encounters
I feel there is far too much levity
Regarding men's size and longevity,
When the hormones are rife
Have a word with the wife,
With luck she will curtail this brevity.
Nick Clifton
16 June 2012
Saturday 16th June 2012 6:04 pm
Smoke A Joint...
Saturday 16th October 2010 2:10 pm
Ebb & Flo
Wednesday 3rd March 2010 4:16 pm
Ready To Sail
Ready to sail
Heavin' away
Succubi wail
Mizzen masts sway
Open yer mind
Bare me yer soul
Together we'll find
The treasure I stole
Ready to sail
Wi' ghosts of the dead
Scurrilous tales
Adventures ahead
We'll visit places
Both magic and strange
We shall meet faces
Unknown and deranged
What say ye mate?
Do we have an accord?
We're ready to sail
So jump ye aboard!
Monday 28th December 2009 11:28 pm
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