Hi Greg... thanks for comments on my recent haiku, If I have done what you say then I have done a good job. Economy of words with maximum meaning could be a good haiku writters motto. Win

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Steven, I thought I had left a comment, but obviously not. I think this is really good with many outstanding lines. I like the conversational style too, and the ordering of the stanzas. One suggestion perhaps: 'Dying' is used in a slang sense, perhaps by intention to really infer 'Death', but maybe you did mean 'Longing'. "Longing' might be a very apt word here, that would pull all the ideas together. Entirely my opinion.

Comment is about Same Old Tired Shit (blog)

Original item by Steven Kenny

A great read Andy. You are at home in this style mate. Win

Comment is about First Holiday in Ireland (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Some great scenes in this mixture of strong images Andy. not sure how you intend it to be performed ? it would make a great song maybe. Win

Comment is about Chamber Music XIII (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Hi Andy, Thanks for your kind words re my recent haiku posting. Whilst you are spot on with your comments on this one (In that the reader gets a snapshot and is left in suspense) I don't thik this is always the case with haikus. Win x

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

close to a song this Dali in places, I must admit - reminds me of my last train journey to London (the other week).. it has that long, endless feel to me!

good stuff!

Comment is about ALMOST ALONE ON PLANET LONDON (blog)

Original item by Dali

great use of language here again Marianne, must admit i thought it was going to carry on for a bit longer than i thought it would be (always a good idea to catch the reader out - lol)..

nice stuff again! x

Comment is about Harpy (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

the note at the end was a wise move, dave but tone wise, the piece is a tender and soft, gentle and understated (at least to me).

love it, m8

(I am still working on my bite to bullet piece - you do realise there is a track by Machinehead who are a really loud rock band called this don't you??? lol)

Comment is about The Moment (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

i have a similar opinion like Jo here, Marianne as in the fact i don't have a clue what is going on with the narrative, but the language is brilliant... the first line for example 'Affectionate and shapely fingers, forking fast but sometimes falling feline' which is a terrific opening for example..

top stuff, Marianne (Would hate to have to try and perform this however!) x

Comment is about The Eighty Eight Handshake (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Hi Cynthia - particularly like the ending here.. Nice one and great stuff on the rest of the piece also! x

Comment is about Bite the Bullet (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

The more I read it, the more I like it. There are some profound messages in this.

Comment is about Bite the Bullet (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thanks a lot!

Comment is about ALMOST ALONE ON PLANET LONDON (blog)

Original item by Dali

Ooh, this is delicious! I love the way that you play fast and loose with alliterative sounds, and it all trips off the brain-tongue in a VERY satisfying way. I don't pretend to understand what's going on in terms of a narrative, but I suspect there's more to it than I'm picking up. Is there more to say? I feel like I want more on 'the precipice' and its repercussions.

Comment is about The Eighty Eight Handshake (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

I'm glad you added the footnote; I was ready to condemn all men to sheer idiocy. It is a lovely poem about an incredible 'moment'

Comment is about The Moment (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

It is pure coincidence that 'obsession' appears here right after Steven's good poem. Normally, for that reason I would remove mine, but not this time since it is a 'themed' poem.

Comment is about Bite the Bullet (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Hi Dave. Thanks for looking at and commenting on my recent haiku. Liking the "bite the bullet" idea/comp. I will see if i can russle something up. Win

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Cheersonionioni, there was an underlying message here as I threw this together, your point is in there too!

Comment is about 2 mins (blog)

Original item by Christopher Dawson

This is very good - very economical but each line adds a lot!

Comment is about ALMOST ALONE ON PLANET LONDON (blog)

Original item by Dali

It's a shame you added that footnote Dave - I was looking forward to lambasting you! Yes - a quick delivery is the best a woman can ask for - there is nothing quite like that moment when all the pain is over though and you are handed this perfect being. You must be very in touch with your feminine side to understand that - the poet in you maybe.

I love the protective note that you end on - raw nature at its best. x

Comment is about The Moment (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Hi Andy... thanks for your comments on my Pakistan Ghazal. Its a massive subject isnt it. And one difficult to do justice to therefore. Win

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Hi Greg, Thankyou for your comments as ever on Ghazal (Pakistan) The line "Footsteps dissolved in our wake, signatures erased" was supposed to suggest fleeing from the flood waters which disolve and erase traces of their owners. but then again I suspect your know that. Win x

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Very sporty, Lynne, feisty, fast paced and strong; well written, keeps the reader totally with you. I have dumped a full G&T over a man's head; my rage was so great my mind blanked it out almost simultaneously so that I had no explanation to offer, even to myself.

Comment is about Deceived (She Bites the Bullet) (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Ray, you are absolutely right. I puzzled much over 'redolent of vomit' but finally let it go, when, in fact, it was the key.

Comment is about Fading Out (blog)

Hi Peter, Welcome to WOL. Hope you enjoy exploring the site. Winston

Comment is about Peter R White (poet profile)

Original item by Peter R White

Good morning Dave-dont worry at all about replies etc at all-obviously you have more important concerns-just hoping you keep well matey-thank you Dave-best regards always-Stef.

Comment is about Dave Dunn (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Powerful, Ray. Many striking phrases - clues to the emotional, medical and practical difficulties in the world of people with anorexia, who sometimes don't get enough sympathy.

Comment is about Fading Out (blog)

Thanks all for your comments. I have the impression that no-one has grasped that the subject is anorexic. I wrote this after reading a novel based loosely on the life of Lena Zavaroni(not my usual fare!).Maybe the title isn't helping. It was formerly called Threadbare.

Comment is about Fading Out (blog)

nice use of memories here, rach... top stuff.. i grew up in the 1970's and 1980's - can relate to this a lot xx

Comment is about Biting The Bullet (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

i'm like isobel, i thought it was about children too, the ending somewhat surprised me too.. is this your style really i wonder where you like leading readers then pull the blanket out at the end??? lol

enjoyed this seriously.. x

Comment is about Biting the Bullet (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

the ending surprised me, lynn as originally i thought it was about death, but i enjoyed reading this.. x

Comment is about Deceived (She Bites the Bullet) (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

lot going on here, Ray which i always notice in your pieces, where you leave us to work out the story for ourselves.. good technquie and while this isn't a easy read, it is a very, very good piece i think

Comment is about Fading Out (blog)

the rhyming isn't obvious certainly, must admit but i loved the story in the piece.. it's a nice style to have mastered and have a gentleness that reminds me of my own past in some ways.

maybe the last two stanzas are a bit tellie, but i would love them in as it sums it all up for me..

Comment is about Kimberly (blog)

Original item by Tom

This poem contains many of your strengths, Ray. Musical lines ... "merely taste bitter;/ brittle leaves breaking / meander and flutter", even if the meaning is harsh. And in the following stanza, "Clothes which once fit her / shrug from the shoulder,/ shimmy and plummet / to a threadbare carpet / redolent of vomit", a provocative striptease ends with a disgusting denouement. You conjure up the idea of a celebrity whose days of fame are almost over, "the limelight receding", fading away to nothing.

Comment is about Fading Out (blog)

Welcome Dali-have fun!

Comment is about Dali (poet profile)

Original item by Dali

Thank you Dave for reading and commenting on my latest poem
'A Time to Forgive (Biting the Bullet)'...
I wasn't sure I wanted to write it, let alone post it, but the idea and feeling for it had been swirling around in my mind for a couple of days, and so it just came to be.

I always find it interesting to read everyone's take on a theme, along with all of the varying styles. You came up with a great one too - should be lots of fun!

Sorry I missed meeting you when I was there! I had the most amazing time... I will be back : )

Francine x

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

I think the problem with poetry is people being told how they should write. make it 'different' they say - and so people write how those who know better tell them to write - which makes it shit.

Comment is about 2 mins (blog)

Original item by Christopher Dawson

Laura is right - eating has been proved to be bad for you! And expensive! (Only joking - this was a fun read!!

Comment is about I Am Laura's Stomach (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Like it - good use of language and good also that it's just a visual image, no background provided...

Comment is about Fading Out (blog)

I didn't notice the rhyming tbh - it didn't distract from a good read!

Comment is about Kimberly (blog)

Original item by Tom

Thanks. Great to be on board.

Comment is about Eamonn Lynskey (poet profile)

Original item by Eamonn Lynskey

Hi Eamonn, Welcome to Wol. Sorry for the delay in processing your new members profile. Hope you enjoy the site. Winston

Comment is about Eamonn Lynskey (poet profile)

Original item by Eamonn Lynskey

Hi Gary, Welcome to WOL. Enjoy London and watch that tiger! Winston.

Comment is about Gary From Leeds (poet profile)

Original item by Gary From Leeds

Thanks for that Winston

Comment is about Dali (poet profile)

Original item by Dali

I will keep an eye on your work and blogs as it seems there will be some interesting stuff to come if we judge things by your sample so far. Winston

Comment is about Dali (poet profile)

Original item by Dali

Hi Dali, Welcome to WOL. Hope you enjoy the site. Winston

Comment is about Dali (poet profile)

Original item by Dali

Hi Cynthia - I'm sending you a link to Dave's description of this month's theme and competition. He decided to take it on board this time. I must admit - I'm loving it - really look forward to logging in and seeing how different people have tackled it. I do hope we are going to get one from you. x
http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=16110
If the link doesn't work - just go to Dave's latest blog.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Great Ray - absolutely!

Comment is about Fading Out (blog)

Hi Thomas - very good way of rhyming in this poem - wish I could do that! I don't think you need the last two verses, just IMO. I like the rest a lot.

Comment is about Kimberly (blog)

Original item by Tom

There are so many marvellous lines in here like 'a tunnel vision of limelight receding'; 'ironical smiles merely taste bitter' etc. and etc. I got a bit sidetracked by the 'hunger' with 'the skin stretched taut', thinking it was 'food hunger', perhaps because I associate aging with slack skin. But maybe it is both types of hunger, like starving for 'the feast of youth'. IMO, you might eliminate a couple of expressions as not really advancing your dynamic idea, but rather sidetracking it with unnecessary imagery. Always with respect. It would be so great to actually talk together, with voices, eyes and hands as well as words.

Comment is about Fading Out (blog)

Will you kindly update me on 'bite the bullet' theme suggested by Dave? I'm out of touch. I did enjoy Pandora's Box so much, both to write, and to read so many diverse ideas.

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel