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The colour of hunger
is dry and yellow,
a skin stretched taut
and a mouth too wide
for her teeth.
Ironical smiles
merely taste bitter;
brittle leaves breaking
meander and flutter.
Clothes which once fit her
shrug from the shoulder,
shimmy and plummet
to a threadbare carpet
redolent of vomit.
In the mirror naked
her eyes are blinkered,
a tunnel vision
of limelight receding.
A barren harvest,
her fruit is withered,
blistered and shrunken;
easily bruised,
no longer bleeding.
Ray, you are absolutely right. I puzzled much over 'redolent of vomit' but finally let it go, when, in fact, it was the key.
Powerful, Ray. Many striking phrases - clues to the emotional, medical and practical difficulties in the world of people with anorexia, who sometimes don't get enough sympathy.
Thanks all for your comments. I have the impression that no-one has grasped that the subject is anorexic. I wrote this after reading a novel based loosely on the life of Lena Zavaroni(not my usual fare!).Maybe the title isn't helping. It was formerly called Threadbare.
lot going on here, Ray which i always notice in your pieces, where you leave us to work out the story for ourselves.. good technquie and while this isn't a easy read, it is a very, very good piece i think
This poem contains many of your strengths, Ray. Musical lines ... "merely taste bitter;/ brittle leaves breaking / meander and flutter", even if the meaning is harsh. And in the following stanza, "Clothes which once fit her / shrug from the shoulder,/ shimmy and plummet / to a threadbare carpet / redolent of vomit", a provocative striptease ends with a disgusting denouement. You conjure up the idea of a celebrity whose days of fame are almost over, "the limelight receding", fading away to nothing.
<Deleted User> (7789)
Mon 6th Sep 2010 19:42
Like it - good use of language and good also that it's just a visual image, no background provided...
Great Ray - absolutely!
There are so many marvellous lines in here like 'a tunnel vision of limelight receding'; 'ironical smiles merely taste bitter' etc. and etc. I got a bit sidetracked by the 'hunger' with 'the skin stretched taut', thinking it was 'food hunger', perhaps because I associate aging with slack skin. But maybe it is both types of hunger, like starving for 'the feast of youth'. IMO, you might eliminate a couple of expressions as not really advancing your dynamic idea, but rather sidetracking it with unnecessary imagery. Always with respect. It would be so great to actually talk together, with voices, eyes and hands as well as words.
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Chris Dawson
Thu 9th Sep 2010 12:49
So many wonderful lines, so sad a life. Great poem.
Cx