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winston plowes

Fri 15th Oct 2010 12:52

Hi Laura... Well what to make of this one? It is an unusual one with an unusual picture. A love story thats great for open and personal interpretation with its short often questioning lines. I really like it. There is a child like, nursery rhyme feel to the rhythm and reference to fantasy elememts of lions, honey and tomatoes etc but there is also a deeper more serious side and a big Aww to wrap things up. Wonderful. Win x
P.S. Aha - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea! :-)

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Steven Kenny

Fri 15th Oct 2010 12:49

Thanks to you both for your comments! :-)

Cynthia; I removed the lines after 'just a stone' because I wasn't sure if the rest of it worked myself and I do agree with you that those first 8 lines are the best and, I think, really all I need to say in response to the other poem!

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Ray Miller

Thu 14th Oct 2010 22:29

Thank you very much, Janet, Dave and Lynn. To be honest, I didn't think it were that good, myself. But I'm prepared to take your word for it.I didn't know Meatloaf had a song of this title. I saw the phrase "If it ain't broke, break it" on someone's t-shirt years ago.

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Lynn Dye

Thu 14th Oct 2010 19:36

I love the anarchy of this too, Ray.
Actually, by coincidence, there is a song with this title by Meat Loaf (only the title the same, though obviously.)
Good one.

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Oct 2010 19:33

Oh well! That's technology for you! xxxx

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Lynn Dye

Thu 14th Oct 2010 19:31

Hi Ann, don't know why, but for some reason I can't get the chat to work! :-( xx

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Oct 2010 19:23

I keep coming back to this one. Poor pretentious plate! I identify with her completely! The last verse makes it - obviously! Takes it from a cat and the fiddle parody to something deeper. I like it a lot!

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Oct 2010 19:21

Haha! I wish! ;-)

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Oct 2010 19:19

Ta Cynthia, but I most definately do not resemble a model! I wish!! But you might just find out this weekend! xx

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 14th Oct 2010 19:16

Thanks, Ann, for your response.Gulls are noisy, no contest. That is a lovely photo of you. You always look so glamourous, like a model.

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Paul F Blackburn

Thu 14th Oct 2010 18:48

Thanks for your comment on my Freedom poem.

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Oct 2010 18:47

Re Winging It! I think I saw them as doves because of the pure whitness, the quietness, the round eggshellness of them, and the peace element, as they seem a peaceful way to make energy. Hope that helps, Cynthia. Gulls are so noisy!

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Paul F Blackburn

Thu 14th Oct 2010 18:46

Thanks for your comment on my Freedom poem. Yes, I thought it was funny that he didn't scald his mouth, perhaps he did. And though you suggest that I punched him in the mouth, I couldn't possibly comment.

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Oct 2010 18:45

I think I saw them as doves because of the pure whitness, the quietness, the round eggshellness of them, and the peace element, as they seem a peaceful way to make energy. Hope that helps, Cynthia. Gulls are so noisy!

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Paul F Blackburn

Thu 14th Oct 2010 18:44

Thanks for your comment on my Freedom poem, I'm glad you enjoyed it, I'm now considering changing my name to James Shelley - lol.

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Paul F Blackburn

Thu 14th Oct 2010 18:43

Thanks for your comment on my Freedom poem. Where the ideas come from I've no idea - I woke up with most of this one in my head this morning - so maybe elves popped in,in the night and crafted it just for me.

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Paul F Blackburn

Thu 14th Oct 2010 18:41

Thanks for your comment on my Freedom poem.

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Dave Carr

Thu 14th Oct 2010 18:09

Excellent Ray.
To me it has a Bob Dylan feel about it.
Dave

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Dave Carr

Thu 14th Oct 2010 18:05

Good one!
I like this.
Dave

Comment is about The Plate and the Spoon (FREEDOM) (blog)

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<Deleted User> (7164)

Thu 14th Oct 2010 15:01

Not been on here for some time but been reading occasional poems.
I just had to log in to comment on this. It is absolutely fabulous!
Funny, entertaining and extremely well written in my opinion. Well done. This is a winner for me :-)

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Ray Miller

Thu 14th Oct 2010 14:58

Isobel. I almost did call it Anarchy! But then I thought it might be giving anarchy a bad name.
If anyone knows a nice punk band they're welcome to this.Free, gratis and for nothing.

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Ray Miller

Thu 14th Oct 2010 14:51

Thanks all. I wrote this about 2 years ago as a kind of farewell to my nursing career. I like digging out old stuff and "improving" it.
Laura,Steve - a lot of my poems are really songs. If only I could sing.
Greg, do you really think so!
Cynthia, the tone is a bit impetuous, if not downright juvenile!Good song for a punk band.

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Isobel

Thu 14th Oct 2010 14:45

Tee hee - love it! I think we should call this one anarchy rather than freedom. It reminds me in some ways of that poem 'Let me die a young man's death' - the to hell with it mentality.

Up the revolution!

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 14th Oct 2010 10:50

What a delightful, positive spin on a very controversial situation. I liked everything in your imagery except the metaphor of 'doves'; I'm still trying to digest that comparison, to see what you see. IMO, 'gulls' maybe, as they intrusively wheel with complete domination everywhere.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 14th Oct 2010 10:42

This is top class, Rachel, in every way. It is a poetical jewel: universal appeal; extended idea, superb diction, almost violent imagery - to express that an emotional blow to the heart can kill you 'figuratively'.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 14th Oct 2010 10:34

A very good read. As a performance piece it would require serious 'practice' to snap out the words clearly as well as quickly, since the ideas and allusions are many and varied but the tone is impetuous.

Comment is about If It Ain't Broke (Freedom) (blog)

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 14th Oct 2010 09:57

Oh, the delights of just 'messing around' with wit at your command, jolly imagination and a real point to ponder.

Comment is about The Plate and the Spoon (FREEDOM) (blog)

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Laura Taylor

Thu 14th Oct 2010 09:32

Morning Freda

Ah - Louise Bourgeois isn't actually a poet, but she IS an artist, and has used text within her work. She's best known for her sculptures - a lot of her work revolves around births, wombs, maternal subjects, trauma...which is (I think) why I saw similarities with you (plus I notice you wrote for Spare Rib - wow! Louise was a feminist, and worked for LGBT causes too). She only really gained widespread recognition in her 80s. If you can get hold of the documentary on her, do. She worked right up to her death, aged 98. She is hugely inspirational to me :)

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Isobel

Thu 14th Oct 2010 08:50

I like the whimsical nature of this Gus - it is very different from your usual stuff. That is the beauty of this themed idea - it gets us all thinking along different tracks.
There is probably a lot of depth to this little tale. The hankering for what we don't have that isn't always good for us. The grass is greener on the other side and all that. How many of us really want to disappear and leave no trace? In my house the dish might get its wish sooner than it liked. Things don't last long with my kids around. x

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Greg Freeman

Thu 14th Oct 2010 08:49

This is one of your best, Ray

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Isobel

Thu 14th Oct 2010 08:37

Tee hee - yes I do like to hop on the soap box now and again in more ways than one.

I hope you are also making some allusion to the last verse. The plight of certain women is something that does bother me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for the country I was born in. x

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Andy N

Thu 14th Oct 2010 08:20

i love this, rachel... my favourite line is 'silence filled with quiet recrimination and the ticking clock' but i really enjoyed this! top stuff x

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Andy N

Thu 14th Oct 2010 08:18

good to see you onboard, ray with this for the comp.. i'll offer my own thoughts after the comp but good luck, bud

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Andy N

Thu 14th Oct 2010 08:18

great to see you onboard, gus with this.. as i have told everybody i'll offer comments after the comp, but it's great to see you here.

have you passed this onto ms darling yet.. i reckon this could be her cup of tea!

i have found that drakelow piece (in work).. gonna type it up tonight for you...

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<Deleted User> (7212)

Thu 14th Oct 2010 08:12

friggin hell, Isobel - your soapbox is bigger than mine !
(some nice imagery though)

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<Deleted User> (7212)

Thu 14th Oct 2010 08:02

great poem Ray - there's a lot of neat touches in there.

Comment is about If It Ain't Broke (Freedom) (blog)

<Deleted User> (6034)

Thu 14th Oct 2010 01:13

thank you Gus, you the man!

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Freda Davis

Wed 13th Oct 2010 22:49

I like your sad little plate. Obviously similar desire to mine, to see the world.

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Freda Davis

Wed 13th Oct 2010 22:48

Thanks for your comment Gus. I was for a while travelling the highways by thumb, as I had neither car nor money and needed to be off and roaming. Much more sensible now, sadly.

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Freda Davis

Wed 13th Oct 2010 22:38

Hello Laura, and thank you for your comment on my Tree of Life poems. I think the second part is stronger than the first. I don't know this poet you mention, but I will look her up.I like the irony in your Freedom poem.

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Elaine Booth

Wed 13th Oct 2010 22:16

In reading this poem I can almost literally smell the frsh air and see clouds racing across a blue sky!
Glad you enjoyed my latest blog offering!

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Elaine Booth

Wed 13th Oct 2010 22:11

Much appreciate this poem with the understated language and colloquial voice.
And many thanks for more of your incisive comments!

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Graham Sherwood

Wed 13th Oct 2010 20:19

Nice John.
My next door neighbour used to go drinking with Dave Mackay and gave Bobby Smith some decorating work many years ago.

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Francine

Wed 13th Oct 2010 19:48

This is FANTASTIC, Gus!
I love how you have depicted a sort of Nursery Rhyme/Fable with this poem...

Mmmm... I often go 'where the wild wind blows beside the lake' ; )

xxx

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winston plowes

Wed 13th Oct 2010 19:42

Ah yes, agonal - of, pertaining to, or symptomatic of agony, esp. paroxysmal distress, as the death throes. great word / great poem Rachel. Win x

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Gus Jonsson

Wed 13th Oct 2010 19:40

Hey nonny Iso

You are just getting better and better... by the way I winked my lights at you before now ...all to no avail..

Great piece well done!

Gus xx

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Gus Jonsson

Wed 13th Oct 2010 19:36

Good Evening Rachel


This just gets better the more I read it... superb.


Well done
Gusxx

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Gus Jonsson

Wed 13th Oct 2010 19:34

Good Evening Freda

I like this very much.
Superb.

Gus xx

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winston plowes

Wed 13th Oct 2010 19:03

Well Ann , you are a woman of your word(s). You have done it! I quite like these graceful carbuncles?! Win x

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winston plowes

Wed 13th Oct 2010 18:51

Hi Laura, thanks for your pylon comments! another fan! Win x

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