Thanks for comments.
I have to say I wasn't sure it could be acceptable as a poem. It's based on a visualized meditation which might give some idea of what it means to me personally.
I think the dead mouse reflects a part of me that is now dead. I suppose that in itself has several connotations. I left it there as a gentle reminder :-)
Isaiah is a loose reference to seeing the future (my future).
I decided not to elaborate on my vision. Let's just say the future looked bright :-)

Comment is about Clearance Lines (blog)

Hi Cynthia - ta for your comment on Bike. No, I didn't want to change anything either :)

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Very upsetting - losing what would, no doubt, have been your finest work. I get round the problem by only committing to paper (or pc file anyway) my mediocre and rubbish stuff, the works of genius I keep safe in my head.
On the subject of ridiculous and regretted, own fault lost things ... I once got £100 out in American dollars to send to my son (who was living in the US at the time) - and accidentally put it in the paper re-cycling bin - on the day of collection.
xx

Comment is about The upsetting effect of my current poem ending up in bits all over the laundry (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

thanks for all the comments and contributions on this effort

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

yeah, cynthia raises a good point here, Janet.. you've really jumped up several gears here with your writing - just goes to show what a break can do for you from here.. keep em coming as this is top stuff xx

Comment is about Clearance Lines (blog)

excellent, isobel.. am useless at counting dashes on haiku's must admit but there's certainly plenty of SPACE here... lol

nice one xx (Not even had chance to think about my Space poem yet but i do have a title) xx

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

lovely, Ann.. speaking as a person who regularly gets train to and from work and also visiting his other half, i can really see this.

my favourite bit is:

Vacant masts sharp as fish bones,
a soft-blurred horizon alternating
with the shock of sudden tunnels.

but it's a strong poem on the whole.. top one, ann x

Comment is about coach E (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I like it - also prefer the present tense - more immediate.
xx

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

I appreciated your comment about the pain in 'Tide Turn' Ann. Some of my poems are a bit raw, I think.

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I think Cynthia is right, that there are some fairly cliched phrases here. Thank you for all the comments. I like it for the slightly ghostly voice of it, Myself.

Comment is about I cross a moor where stars are white. (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

well it is a joke about my feet and i couldnt resist the soul sole joke , and then the rest is a comment on how my poetry is sometimes taken to define my character.which i suppose is reasonable, if that is your only experience of me.

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Well now you've got me googling! I see that Haiku has to contain something to do with nature and Senryu something to do with human nature. This is definitely a hybrid then - Kuryu. Being silly of course - I suppose it errs more on the Senryu side. It would probably be a good idea to set ourselves a structural themed poetry challenge one day - like the Pandora/Bullet/Freedom thing. It would force us all to stretch ourselves - unless it's haiku of course ;)

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

I didn't get the joke till you explained it - now I understand I wouldn't say it was bleak :)
I preferred it in present tense - it adds to the bleak feeling - the past distances you from the feelings.

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

If you titled it "WInter Haikus" I don't see why not. We're all fairly liberal with form these days.

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Hi John, thankyou. Railway station platforms can be joyous, lonely, exciting, painful places. Win x

Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)

Original item by John Coopey

is it still a haiku if you do more than one verse of the form ?

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Yes it fits form. It's a really cool idea. Maybe you should expand the sentiment into a longer piece.

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

tried again

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Hello Win
Just re-read Walking Away from Platform 6 in Along the Iron Veins.
You are there on merit.

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Hello Dave
Thanks for your thoughts on Sleep Easy. There's a row of 13 graves in St Mary's Cemetery in Hucknall where I'm from. They're the graves of Polish Airmen who inspired the poem. (So far as I know there is no Tadeus Makulski or Zigmunt Kovacs among them).

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

seasons, birds, flowers etc yes. I got the shoeless joke! :-) Win. P.S. You could have 'A barefoot footstep' or something like that

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

well i did think about the joining up thing , and as it was an exercise in trying to do it win i think it does matter , and as for the subject matter being sad ,, its not sad at all ,, its a joke about my name and i heard that you are supposed to include a season

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

I like the poem, though I thought it was more prosaic in some parts than necessary. The light of language remains almost unknown - really!I'd have thought that because of the Internet it was now easier to access the written word than ever before.

Comment is about The Written Word (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

thx... re ghazals... they have already being corrupted beyond recognition. look up 'Bastard Ghazals' it it a recognised term! x

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Hi Carole, well traditionally (as far as a haiku in English can be traditional?) it doesn't as there is enjambment between the 1st and 2nd lines. but thats only important if it's important to you. Win X

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Well you follow the 5,7,5 syllable structure Shoeless so it is a haiku. I personally don't like split sentences but that is just me - plenty of folk on here use them. I would probably say 'standing there barefoot' or something like that. The other sentences stand well enough on their own.
It is a bleak one but works well.

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Je l'aime bien, Carole...
C'est joli, et même un peu triste si on veut...

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Ta for your comments on the knitting poem. I'd rather not qualify my intents but if people are asking/wondering it seems churlish.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

I realise that Win - I was just pulling your leg cos you are a good sport and don't seem to mind us doing that. Trouble with tinternet is that you often wonder afterwards if people are taking you seriously. Ghazals - I thought that was an animal? I shall have to look into it and see what I can do to corrupt things...

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Good one. Maybe "We all feel Extra special in coach E"? The 4 lines from "The ribs....turkey" are terrific, as is "Vacant masts sharp as fish bones". I think you'd have a better ending without the last 2 lines.

Comment is about coach E (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

go on , does it follow form i dont know , i looked at wiki and felt a little pale :)

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Aha... I was trying to say... well done, an interesting angle on the traditional haiku form, I am not at all protective of it. You can have as many syllables as you like on my part LOL. just an observation. Don't get me started on ghazals however! Win x

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

just another day on our rail network eh! nice observations Ann. Are there red sandstone cliffs in Dawlish Warren? liked the turkey ribs. Win x

Comment is about coach E (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

oh very very clever! Odessa Lady-well done! love-Stefan-xx

Comment is about The Days I Drink (rzhepick) (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Breakfast haiku

A jug of milk and
One bowl of Readybrek and
Two spoons a warm glow

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Could the world really stand up to all our 'through the mangle' poetry? I doubt it Dave but it might be funny in a black kind of way.

Comment is about The upsetting effect of my current poem ending up in bits all over the laundry (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Aaaah - thanks for your comments folks - was feeling fed up this week-end but your comments have cheered me up - or was it the the 2 glasses of red?
I see you are shaping up to be a Haiku poet Francine! You'll have to take Winston on - clash of the titans! I always feel guilty when I post a haiku - especially when it gets a lot of comments - it is so easy to write. It is nice to do something restful for a change though. xx let the good will of Merlot spill around to one and all xx

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Je l'aime, Isobel.

Those who break the 'rules'
Envious imitation
Are those who follow



The space between us
To break away and feel free
Kills the love we have

; )

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

I think books probably are slowly on the way out. To people of our age (I assume you're of a similar vintage Cynthia) this seems a shame, but children today are growing up reading from a screen as naturally as from paper. It's not necessarily a bad thing though - sites like this show that poetry can thrive on the internet, and I'm sure when paper was first invented many people said, "but it's just not the same as a stone tablet!"

Comment is about The Written Word (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Ah yes, great minds think alike it seems...! Evocative and provocative. I like the experiments with layout and font sizes.

Comment is about The Rustle of Autumn (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thanks Cynthia. I wrote it a few weeks ago because the BBC Autumnwatch programme was asking for autumn themed poems for their website, but it doesn't look as if they're going to broadcast any of them now, so I thought I'd share it on WOL instead.

Comment is about A gardener reminisces. (blog)

Original item by Tim Ellis

That's possible Ann - getting scattier all the time. Thanks for commenting, everyone - it's been a consolation (sniff, reaches for hanky). And thanks for refraining from cracks about laundry and men "boldly going where no man has gone before".

PS last mangle I saw was in a museum. What about 'Through the mangle' as a competition theme?

Comment is about The upsetting effect of my current poem ending up in bits all over the laundry (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

I like this Ann. The pace of the poem is just right for the reflective yet alert mood which a train journey can create. I'm sure I'm not the only reader whose mind goes back to journeys taken. That's sad about the woman killed - it sometimes happens when dogs fall in water as well. Deserving of a poem in itself.

Comment is about coach E (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I like these Cornwall-Paddington poems! The third stanza is the best, full of sharp observation, the cormorants, the egrets and the wreck, and the killer line: "It always was a troubled village." !! Just shows, you always get good poems from trains ...

Comment is about coach E (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

oops! sorry Janet-I was only referring you to laughter-with no intention of belittling this lovely poem

Comment is about Clearance Lines (blog)

Hi there. Thanks for your message of support re WOL. And yes, I did tag my poem with 'hedonism' didn't I? I guess I was thinking of it as a kind of fun abandonment; a lapse in rigidity, both formal and sexual. It's not a life philosophy of mine, by the way. The poem is purely hypothetical.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Ah yes Stef.. but you confused me with the reference because it really isn't relevant for this poem. Thank you for the explanation though :-)

Comment is about Clearance Lines (blog)

hi again Janet-you mean to tell me you have never read the chronicles of narnia?(the Lion,the witch and the WARDROBE! my previous spelling of the lions name was meant to be pronounced in a posh way..h'aslan..lol!..Aslan-enjoyed the poem of course as I do with all your work-thank you-Stef-xx

Comment is about Clearance Lines (blog)

Lovely Freda. Fantastic imagery going on here.
'I scramble down long screes of cloud
and wrap my fear in fine spun shroud.
Super lines.x

Comment is about I cross a moor where stars are white. (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

Maybe the latest discussion thread wheedled its way into this one Winston. There is a shift from me to you :-)

I love it Isobel. Hope you tagged it for the comp. As far as i can see there's no rules to say you can't post another one and enter it at a later date.x

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel