well, not a bad poem really. Um, ah culd do with a bit of tightening of the stanza and um ah, a bit more consistency in the meter, and oh, yes, ahhh, ummm

Comment is about Greavsie and Me (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Hello John, I enjoyed this a lot. We've all been there, as they say. Don't understand this line, though:
Before my sheds I'd guarantee fine well - some local phrasing?

Comment is about Sheds (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Depends Rachel heh heh I can be quite generous..... especially if you eat a couple of scousers first lol but not Chris cause he's an OK sort of a guy, and no eating his arms or any other parts of his anatomy either!! ha ha ;-))TC X
PS You have to wear your Dame Edner Everage glasses though as part of the deal heh heh....

Comment is about Beautiful Minds (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Hi Rach - thanks for commenting on my bat! Glad you're back amongst us. xxxx

Comment is about Rachel McGladdery (poet profile)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

I love bats too, 'webbed gaberdine' is inspired, wow x

Comment is about the bat (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I love bats!!!

Comment is about the bat (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Thanks for your comment Chris - I don't think I could explain it any better than I did in the first comment I made to Francine. The opera house was a grand design that failed for a whole host of reasons. There is no explaining to anyone the sense of isolation you find in Australia - separated not just by miles but by time zones. The skies are so big there that you do indeed feel dizzy sometimes - I guess what ever mood you are in is accentuated by it.

Yes - the poem is a build up to the last stanza. The love I referred to at the end had two meanings. Up here in the north we tend to call each other love and we are very giving socially. I missed that as well as other types of love.

I am happy now thank you but the past does have this habit of haunting you....

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Comment is about Sydney Opera House (blog)

Original item by Isobel

No worries Rachel - I found it all very entertaining and I've never had so many comments - I was rather hoping someone would take it over 30... but as for nice? nice? LOL x

No need to come back on me for that - I am just pulling your leg!

Comment is about Beautiful Minds (blog)

Original item by Isobel

ps sorry isobel...we will not fight anywhere near your poem it is too nice x

Comment is about Beautiful Minds (blog)

Original item by Isobel

I think the wonderful thing about poetry is that somehow you can really let your feelings out, and in a poem as beautiful and full of humanity as this, there is no intrusion. Just fellow feeling. You can put 100 times more emotion into a poem than into a conversation, I think.

Comment is about The First to Depart (blog)

Hi John - thanks for commenting on Le Weekend. I thought your Two Bar Headache was immensley powerful.

Comment is about John Darwin (poet profile)

Original item by John Darwin

Thank you so much for your comments on "I Thought White Was Beautiful". I always thought of it as written in metaphor but I like your interpretation of it being written in allegory is much more accurate. I very much appreciate your insight.

Lisa

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

This seems like an allegory to me. I hate orderly worlds - wild white roses would fit perfectly into my garden and complement my semi wild rabbits. I like the ideas behind this and think you have crafted the poem well also.

Comment is about I Thought White Was Beautiful (blog)

Original item by Lisa Milligan

chris...i have no twinkles in my eyes they are the cold dead eyes of a serial killer.I eat scousers for breakfast in fact dead or not give me your arm itll go nice on a piece of toast.TCstrict bondage of the kind you describe costs good money. just how much where you thinking?

Comment is about Beautiful Minds (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Lovely! - though I'm with Ray in that thinking beautiful or loving or sexy thoughts about someone is not improper. But the poem is great.
Cx

Comment is about Old Flame (blog)

Original item by Tom

Thanks for this Kealan.
I had the idea of starting a Discussion on this to see what we all really think about each other.
I suspect I'm not the only one who harbours dark thoughts!

Comment is about Kealan Coady (poet profile)

Original item by Kealan Coady

Thanks for commenting on "I Thought White Was Beautiful". It was an excerise in metaphor. So glad you liked it.

Lisa

Comment is about Kealan Coady (poet profile)

Original item by Kealan Coady

you have put the spotlight on all our deep seated envy, be it subconsous or not, there is a place in every human being that wants another to fail, maybe its a throwback to the caveman days wen competition was the only way to survive. the need to prevail with pride is an ancient genetic defect that we should all try overcome.

Comment is about Greavsie and Me (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

this is nice and the reptition at the bottom of a couple of stanza's there really works, good stuff.

Comment is about I Thought White Was Beautiful (blog)

Original item by Lisa Milligan

Ann, how beautiful.

John

Comment is about le weekend (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Ann, couscous and petticoats is a wonderful opening line and hands tied gently, of course, is even better.

Comment is about le weekend (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Yes, I like this. Sweet, actually, rather than improper. It feels like the last line is rhyming with summat, but it isn't, unless you go right back to the second line.

Comment is about Old Flame (blog)

Original item by Tom

Hiya Tommy, I am admitting defeat over "obscenity of frogspawn" I will put in another word when I can think of one, it's been mentioned a few times and as such, in the spirit of accepting feedback it's gotta go....any ideas? (The winner will win an Easter Egg which I will eat for them.)
Thanks for commentingx

Comment is about Tommy Carroll (poet profile)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

I agree that the shift in viewpoint character jarrs slightly, and I found myself getting a bit caught on the thought: Can something crawl if it's limbless? But nevertheless - I always enjoy your writing, even if I don't always comment.
Cx

Comment is about Fireworks (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

Like the poem, but what really drew me in was your delivery of it. Great voice!
Cx

Comment is about For Dicks (blog)

Original item by Max Wallis

I like this one cos it touches on something so totally human and taboo. We all have that 'you' that we like to think about now and again LOL

Comment is about Old Flame (blog)

Original item by Tom

''Obscenity of spawn''??

Comment is about Up The Tops (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Cher FRANCINE. My school French served but I had to look up 'de pire en pire'. The answer to your query is almost certainly "dans le jardin, avec la plume da ma tante" - but it is very big garden. There is some background info (to Grand Mal) in my answer to Chris - hope you don't mind sharing. (:o)

Comment is about GRAND MAL (blog)

Original item by Barrie Singleton

Oh I think we are more or less on the same lines Chris. Your careful analyses always wecome. I think the second stanza is my favourite too. I like to play a trick or two. To do you (and Francine) justice, I should explain: the idea came from a conversation with a friend, following a Radio4 program about the 5-year-old brain and school. They spoke of MALLEABLE children and I suddenly realised the 'mal' is that of MALLET!!!!! All was then clear.
Regards.

Comment is about GRAND MAL (blog)

Original item by Barrie Singleton

Hello Andy, thanks for your kind words on First to Depart. It's not as personal as it might appear. There's much of me in there- particularly the obsessional behaviour!- but it's mostly about how my father mourned the loss of my mother, with a bit of Alan Bennett's Talking Heads thrown in.

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Hello Cynthia. Thanks for your kind words on First to Depart. It's empathic in as much as, though there's much of me in the poem, it's mostly about how my father may have mourned the death of my mother.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Dave, glad you liked First to Depart.Thanks for the kind words.

Comment is about Dave Carr (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Carr

Greg, thanks for your kind words on First to Depart. It's my favourite poem and I do like that last verse a lot. Let's not mention the football.

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

John, thanks for your comments on First to Depart.Glad you liked it.

Comment is about John Darwin (poet profile)

Original item by John Darwin

Ann, thanks for your kind words on First to Depart. Appreciated,.

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

bit of a change in tone for you there, kathryn... was nice to see something totally different (from what i have read off yours).. perhaps the last line is a bit tellie but it's the way i would have gone with it..

keep em flowing! would like to see more following on from this..

Comment is about Bluebell Wood (blog)

Hi Dave - glad you liked my war poem, it's not easy writing about domestic violence without making it clichéd - so I decided to ...erm... make it clichéd! I don't often rhyme these days - it often feels forced to me. I love Papa Oscar Echo Mike - nothing forced about that...very clever!
Cx

Comment is about Dave Carr (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Carr

i think cynthia raises a interesting point here, kealan.. i too would be interested to see how this would play out done in second person if not in this poem perhaps a sequal..

either way, i did enjoy this with a great ending.. keep em coming!

Comment is about Fireworks (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

touching poem, ray... surprised in some ways you posted it as poems that appear as personal as that i would have never dreamed of posting on it..

first rate stuff, m8..

Comment is about The First to Depart (blog)

Beautiful stuff Kealan. You must get to read your stuff soon. Please.

John

Comment is about The Linguist. (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

Very thought provoking and unfortunately true...

Je vois ce que ça fait le 'Grand Mal' tous les jours à l'école et à l'université...
C'est un désastre, et ça devient de pire en pire, mais quelle est la solution ?

Comment is about GRAND MAL (blog)

Original item by Barrie Singleton

Dear Dermot,
Well, it was written in the stars...
And I do appreciate your well thought-out advice.
I am not a violent person, however I do have a way
of getting my point across...
Hmmm...
Perhaps I could act this scene out... in a most playful way ; )

Comment is about Dear Dermot (article)

Dear Francine, What a beautiful sentiment - such as could almost rekindle similar in even the most cynical and unyielding of souls. But, luckily I got over it and put aside such nonsense for good old-fashioned hard-nosed pragmatism. I'd go out and hunt down the cheeky devil and frog march this individual back to the scene of this alleged withdrawal and demand recompense; possibly at gunpoint.Yes, it's not often that people come to me for advice on their love lives, but always happy to lend practical advice and handcuffs and a police issue taser.

Comment is about Dear Dermot (article)

Good on you poetry needs your verve !

Comment is about Luke Wright (poet profile)

Original item by Luke Wright

Are you the omniscient writer in this? Maybe it should be second person voice entirely.

In my opinion, it is a strong idea, perhaps needing a strong hand to make it tighter, with culling and more precise diction. Great word play on the title Fireworks.

Comment is about Fireworks (blog)

Original item by Kealan Coady

The beautiful slow thoughts of many quiet moments brought into words as though talking to the dearest friend of your life, and written with grace and elegance.

I presume this is a marvellous talent for empathy, a true poet's gift.

Comment is about The First to Depart (blog)

hi - "the beauty queen" - many thanks. B

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

This is such a sad and moving poem. It almost feels like an intrusion to read it.

Comment is about The First to Depart (blog)

Beautiful poem Ray, very moving.
Cx

Comment is about The First to Depart (blog)

This is a fine, fine poem, Ray. The last stanza in particular takes the breath away. I wanted to quote individual lines from it, but realised that was impossible. Each line of that last verse could form the substance of a poem in its own right. Greg

Comment is about The First to Depart (blog)