Space Beat Haiku
All I need is love
love to fill the empty space
space is all you need
Comments
i think haiku might be too hard for me lol , after my efforts
Very clever selection of words to convey a lot in a little! Who wants to be a purist - if it works, that's all that matters.
excellent, isobel.. am useless at counting dashes on haiku's must admit but there's certainly plenty of SPACE here... lol
nice one xx (Not even had chance to think about my Space poem yet but i do have a title) xx
Well now you've got me googling! I see that Haiku has to contain something to do with nature and Senryu something to do with human nature. This is definitely a hybrid then - Kuryu. Being silly of course - I suppose it errs more on the Senryu side. It would probably be a good idea to set ourselves a structural themed poetry challenge one day - like the Pandora/Bullet/Freedom thing. It would force us all to stretch ourselves - unless it's haiku of course ;)
thx... re ghazals... they have already being corrupted beyond recognition. look up 'Bastard Ghazals' it it a recognised term! x
I realise that Win - I was just pulling your leg cos you are a good sport and don't seem to mind us doing that. Trouble with tinternet is that you often wonder afterwards if people are taking you seriously. Ghazals - I thought that was an animal? I shall have to look into it and see what I can do to corrupt things...
Aha... I was trying to say... well done, an interesting angle on the traditional haiku form, I am not at all protective of it. You can have as many syllables as you like on my part LOL. just an observation. Don't get me started on ghazals however! Win x
<Deleted User> (6534)
Sun 14th Nov 2010 20:08
Breakfast haiku
A jug of milk and
One bowl of Readybrek and
Two spoons a warm glow
Aaaah - thanks for your comments folks - was feeling fed up this week-end but your comments have cheered me up - or was it the the 2 glasses of red?
I see you are shaping up to be a Haiku poet Francine! You'll have to take Winston on - clash of the titans! I always feel guilty when I post a haiku - especially when it gets a lot of comments - it is so easy to write. It is nice to do something restful for a change though. xx let the good will of Merlot spill around to one and all xx
Je l'aime, Isobel.
Those who break the 'rules'
Envious imitation
Are those who follow
The space between us
To break away and feel free
Kills the love we have
; )
<Deleted User> (7164)
Sun 14th Nov 2010 13:32
Maybe the latest discussion thread wheedled its way into this one Winston. There is a shift from me to you :-)
I love it Isobel. Hope you tagged it for the comp. As far as i can see there's no rules to say you can't post another one and enter it at a later date.x
<Deleted User> (7212)
Sun 14th Nov 2010 13:17
I wouldn't change it Isobel, I think it's great. xx
Ha - rules are there to be broken Win and someone has to evolve poetry formats - why not me?
This still feels a bit nothingy to me - possibly cos it's haiku. I tried to write a proper poem about space but decided not to inflict it on you...
I may try adding some verses to this instead - if I can find the words.
I like the way the poem slips from "I" to "you". Very clever!
Strange that when love disappears people often crave space?
<Deleted User> (7212)
Sun 14th Nov 2010 11:02
well ain't that just the way !
This is an interesting little thing Isobel. In trad haiku there is often a pause or shift between 1st and 2nd or 2nd and 3rd lines. this is the opposite where each line is actually connected with a repeated word with its neighbour. Win x
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Dave Carr
Wed 1st Dec 2010 21:32
I like the way you did this with the link to the previous lines.
I can see you are still in Beatles mode.
I didn't know that about Haiku and Kuryu either.