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Humour (Remove filter)

You Cheating Bitch!

 

I remember the day when we first met, the day I made you mine,

our eyes met across a crowded room and I fed you a funny line.

 

"What's a cute thing like you doing in a place like this?" I said,

you came home with me that day and spent the night with me in bed.

 

I considered you my best friend and gave you everything,

I gave you a home, looked after you and took you unde...

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Dogshumour

Coco the Clown

Coco the clown went sailing one day 
to a holiday destination far far away

Suddenly, the sky went dark and the wind did blow
and the waves beneath his boat did grow and grow

He lost his oars as the winds blew and blew
so he paddled his way with his size 50 shoe.

Through a telescope he saw an island far away in the distance
and he made it to shore with his skill and persistence

A gr...

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Clownscococannibalhumourfunny poem

The Lighthouse

I bought a piece of land, for my family and me,
to build a perfect home on a plot beside the sea.
I employed a local Surveyor to help draw up the plans,
to build my family dream house on the beach near ‘Ainsdale Sands’

He came and took some measurements and samples from the plot,
and I asked if he could include the moorings for a yacht.
The Surveyor did recommend a custom built lighthouse.
...

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Lighthousehumourrhyming

Boy what a Lady!

 

I saw her standing on a crowded train,

a beautiful face and a perfect frame.

With oriental features and flawless skin,

was this superficial or was there beauty within?

 

She caught me looking and to my surprise,

she smiled and looked directly into my eyes.

I felt transfixed and my heart took flight,

is this what they mean by 'love at first sight'?

 

As the train ...

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Humourrelationshipsrhymenarrative poem

The Princess and the Frog

Long long ago there once lived a King

who wished that a child the stork would bring.

You see he and his Queen were very sad

at the thought of an heir that they never had.

 

Then, whilst walking beside the sea one night

 a talking fish gave the Queen a fright.

It said “soon your wish will come to pass

and you, my Queen, shall bear a lass”

 

As the fish had predicted th...

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Humourprincesspoliticalfrog

Where the sea meets the sky.........

 

At the end of the world where the sea meets the sky,

there's a small strip of land where the mermaids lie.

Where they chit and they chat, or play and have fun,

and top up their tan in the midday sun.

 

Now it's rare to see a mermaid, and you may never again,

so to see a whole shoal is a rareness x 10.

But this is what happened, or so it is told,

to a young keen explore...

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HumourMermaids

A turkey in sheep's clothing

"Fattening up time" the wall calendar read

which meant only one  thing to old farmer Ted.

Christmas was coming and there's money to be made

you see the bigger the bird the more he'd be paid.

 

He'd saved up all year and bought high quality feed

to ensure that his flock was the best he could breed.

So this year Ted's turkeys would be the tastiest in town

and the best biggest...

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TurkeyChristmashumourfunnystorynarrative poemfarmer

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