If You’d Known

If you’d known it would end in heartache

Would you go on the first date?

Would you ask that person to be your friend?

If there was a chance it would lead to hate?

Would you set up your own business?

With the knowing it could fail?

Would you cancel your long awaited road trip?

With the forecast it may hail?

It turns out— you’d do all these th...

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The Rona Effect

Brain that feels like hollow

Night sweats and body aches

With mash potato body to follow

Ten hours sleep

But still so hazy

Unable to focus

Like I’m halfway between hungover and crazy

Hacking cough and congestion

Mental health in question

More sleep please

Oh wait— no— I’m wired

How is my body blocking my zzzz’s

When I’m so damn ...

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A Portal to My Past

When I was eighteen

We met at a club through a mutual friend

We kissed, danced, laughed and smiled

We wouldn't let the night end

I liked you

And you liked me

But not in the way— that I wanted you to

And when it ended —you were honest 

In a way— no man has ever been honest with me before

I respect you for that now—but my eighteen year old ...

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It’s Time to Leave

Not happy while I’m in this

But feeling too trapped to leave

This working relationship

Feels like DV

I need the same love and care

That I give to this service

But I’m unappreciated and micromanaged

And I just don’t deserve this

A mental health organisation 

That won’t reduce my work hours

Not even with a medical certificate from my...

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Burnt Toast

You smile—I smile

You laugh —I laugh

‘You seem ready to meet the love of your life’

‘I am—I don’t do things by halves’

‘I want it all’

‘So do I’

‘What brings you joy? And what makes you cry?’

‘Kindness is so important’

‘I think so too’

‘You seem like the real deal, sir’

‘And so, do you’

I thought you were a knight, sir

A quiet success th...

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A Dream Come True

I loved writing

I really did

I guess I’ve stayed somewhat creative

And driven since being a kid

As an adult I took a cross road

I wanted to be a writer

But the field of journalism seemed to be faced with

Dicey ethics and uncertainty

A career of nursing seemed brighter

And then I became a:

Nurse— writer

Surfer— fighter

I realis...

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Advice to my younger self

Dear Rasa,

I’m gifting you, some words of advice to your beautiful teenage self, who just can’t see the whole truth in some things right now.

 Be kind to your parents and teachers. They are trying the best they can.

Know that good looks and popularity seem really important right now, but longer term, you’ll realise that other things are muc...

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We Make Mud 

You pretend

I pretend

We all pretend 

That it's all fine

Underneath— angst is brewing 

But we try our best

To both appear kind 

You pushed

And pushed

And I pushed back

I think that you see white

You think 

That I see black

From other planets

But bound by blood

I am the rain—you are the soil

Without intent...

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Freedom

I'm moderately happy

It's easy and stable

But I'm owned— and controlled

I work for them— and not for me

The stability has kept me chained in golden handcuffs— for too long

I can't stay here forever

It's not within my values system

And with the leap I make

The unknown—the risk I choose to take

I embrace freedom

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Complex creature 

How can someone understand me?

If I cannot understand myself?

I can keep the dark feelings at bay

If I don’t share them with anyone else

People think I have it together

But man, they’ve got it wrong

Maintaining a certain facade 

One I’ve kept going— for so long

I’m a complex creature, dear

Made of many things

Not quite sure of who I...

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Thank you India

I didn't realise so many people could fit 

In such a small place

Apparently it's even crazier in the North

It blows my mind 

But I'll believe it

Markets full of incense and flowers

And rainbow dyes to praise deities

Sweets made of sugar cane

Slaughtered chickens 

Being packed 

On the back of a tiny scooter

Being followed aroun...

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Tears

When I was a kid 

At church

A family friend played the violin

And what I heard was both a beautiful and profoundly sad melody

And while the priest passed the holy sacrament to the parishioners 

I didn't even realise that I was crying

But I was

Why was no one else crying?

Were they affected by the music in this way?

‘Hey’

 My Dad consoled me with his hand...

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Dear Mama Bear,

Words cannot describe

The joy that you bring to all our lives

A woman so strong and humble— with endless compassion 

A total babe

With a strong sense of fashion

Then add…

Intelligence, creativity and humor

Together— these qualities are hard to find

Our dear darling mama

Is one of a kind

Our rock

Our glue

That wo...

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That poor man

My colleagues only spoke of their annoyance with you

I was told that you were pretty cheeky

(To say the least)

 When you were elevated

Grandiosity at its best

Somewhat sleazy

Bragging

And unable to interrupt

The first time I met you—in the hospital

I couldn’t help but find you so damn likable

You socialised with all the other patients

You...

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Where Did The crazy Acts of Passion Go?

At age fourteen

Scotty engraved Sarah's name in to his arm

They were not together

They'd never kissed

Or even held hands

Sarah didn't see him 

In the way that Scotty saw her

She cared for him as a friend

Bit it didn't change how much Scotty loved her

He told me once— at recess

That the scar on his arm...

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Bus Crush

Oh— how handsome and mysterious you are

So I try to imagine what your story is

While knowing absolutely nothing about you— from afar

What keeps your wheels turning— by day and by night?

How do you move beneath the sheets?

What makes you cry and what gives you delight?

So maybe you are not that cute— but I’m forced to sit still right now…

So day...

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Take me on

You think you’re gonna crush me bitch?

Well guess what— I’ve got my boxing gloves on too

You try to intimidate me

But you don’t

I know it’s hard for you to hear this

But I’m just as strong and determined as you

You’ve met your match

I’ll up the ante when I need to

And I’ll dig my heels in

Step up bitch— I’m ...

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Beautiful things

It takes a second to pause

To be able to realise and see

That no matter where I am

There are beautiful things around me

A dragonfly sits in my crepe myrtle tree

Practically masked

Wings that mimic crystal

A torso that resembles coloured glass

For a second, I don’t know that he is there

Appearing as though he is both flying and sleeping 

In mid...

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The Tide is Turning

The news that is broken

When you know someone has to leave

Is hard to hear

But waiting for them to leave

When the news is understood

Is harder

Reminding ourselves that the person who we care about

Is not going on a one way trip to the moon

And knowing we will see them again

Provides some comfort

But does not fully take away the st...

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Two women

Two women

Both nurses

Who know that while at work

They must joke— rather than cry

As a way to cope 

With the chaos

That is their normal day to day 

They will talk

Superficially

About plans for the weekend

The weather

And complement each other’s outfits

They are positive encounters

Warm and kind

Congenial

But not with any dept...

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Mend me

You’re looking for an answer

Someone to fill that gap

Someone who loves you

Who won’t treat you like crap

And I want it too

Don’t we all

Someone who truly adores us

Despite our baggage and flaws

You said ‘you don’t have the best of me’

And I sadly agree

But I can’t fix you

We need to do that mending ourselves

Can’t you see?

So t...

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Covid Blues

No hugging

No handshakes

Keep your distance

Essential visits only

No more than a group of two

Elbow tap

Foot tab

For the COVID blues

Then chuck your shirt in the wash

And disinfect your shoes

Shelves in shops

Are empty of toilet paper and pasta

Copycats panicked by apocalyptic mania

Buy in excess— and do it faster and faster

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