Merry Christmas to me!

Tonight

In the wee hours of the mellow moon

That shines like a keyhole to Heaven

I have a belly once more that 'knows'

Its God-given design -

To receive my food

And de-construct it

With purpose unparalleled

Re-constructing those elements

That nurture my physical body

Leaving my brain, my 'soul'

Free

To thrive in their own esoteric sph...

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The day Elvis died

I cried.

I woke up early for the forecast.

Rain or no rain - time - density -

Made a huge difference

In the activity of our Craft Shop

Especially over the lunch hour.

My mind was already clicking

With plans to cope.

The twins were still fast asleep.

My husband droned quietly beside me.

A sonorous voice intoned:

'We interrupt this pro...

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My Dad said, shaking his head,

'Ah, Cynthia, I have to admit

You never make the same mistake twice.

But' - stroking his nose with eloquent fingers -

'You do seem to have an unlimited supply

Of originals!'

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As near as I can figure it

Chemotherapy

Is a whole lot of little 'bugs'

Sent coursing through your body

To find and devour

Other little 'bugs'

Already eating you up alive

Indiscriminately

Or mostly so.

Directed, yes, these 'chemo' soldiers,

But given free rein

To use their own judgement

In the 'divide and conquer' campaign.

There must be collateral damag...

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Sometimes, I'd like to give my MIND

A good slap right up side the head.

I really would.

It thinks it exists in capital letters -

The boss of everything!

Well – it isn't.

There are many systems inside me

Governed by inherent programming

Not commanded by MIND.

Well, I'll allow 'Attitude', of course

A major factor in everything -

But not superior status.

Of c...

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I was visiting Mum for a week.

Always a delight for candid chat

Over a few quiet days

And the diverse 'drop-ins'

We both enjoyed so much.

.

One afternoon a favourite cousin called by

For coffee and cake.

In his fifties now – a fine looking chap

With the same twisted grin

I liked so well from childhood.

After some general conversation

He set down his cup

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Never trust a lover who

in the throes of passion calls you 'Baby' or 'Babe' -

that generic name for a partner

whose body is generic too.

It simply means - in an unguarded moment -

your lover might call you something else

for someone else

which would not be cool.

In fairness, such caution could mark

a certain empathy for the other person's psyche.

But, more like...

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I wonder if spirit is the word invented

to umbrella our human probing

into the mysteries of life itself:

first life/creation - the very essence of living -

surely in itself an act of constant creating.

How bold to state that an Idea IS a Fact!

But, then, how logical is it

to insist that 'Fact is only Idea' -

as favoured in lofty terms

not so esoteric as you might ...

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Oh!

There's nothing like a dish

of good, old, plain porridge

for breakfast -

hot spoonfuls dropping thickly

from pot to bowl

lovingly dressed

with cold, creamy milk

and brown sugar

a dribble of runny honey

and a dollop of real butter

some assorted nuts

handful of raisins

just a sprinkle of shredded coconut

and cinnamon dashed over the top -

all stirre...

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The twins were two weeks short

of five years old,

already dancing with delight

at thoughts of the little party

to be held on their special day.

'Hey, Ducklings,

Big birthday coming up.

Any thoughts about what you'd like

from Mummy and Daddy?'

They were savvy kids.

I was not nervous

to ask such a bold question.

Cyanne screwed up her face intently,

'...

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Reason is the ability to think

to sort - to compare

to qualify - to justify

to judge.

Reason is not the power to mystify

to mortify or control:

it stands aloof of mind games.

But Reason

never masters Feelings

festering in the subconscious

dark and poisonous -

a monster swinging a scythe

ready to slice anything

or anyone

daring to challenge

the p...

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One blurt of temper and a hurt friend

Smashing the fun of playing together.

Regret pinching like a stone in the belly

'Sorry. Sorry!' But not said.

And still – still –

The jutting chin hand on hip

An insolent pitch of pelvis

'So there!'

Which feels really good

And awful at the same time.

It makes you think of mirrors -

Your reflection looking back at y...

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'Your brain is dead!' said the imp in my head.

'Pshaw!' scoffed I with bravery sly.

'You can't fool me. I don't agree.

Maybe muddled – with heat befuddled

But keen to chat at the drop of a hat.

So there!'

And it laughed, the imp, and said, 'I'll get you.

Line me some lines, strong and true.'

So I got right up to make a brew

To brush my hair with thoughts askew

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'I fell asleep unexpectedly

Draped across my bed

A release of wakefulness suddenly essential.

I did not sleep long but very deeply.

My eyes flipped open

My whole self aware

Before the bridge to Mind was closed -

My brain beetling away in my subconscious.

And with neon clarity it left this word:

'OBFUSCATE'.

'What! Give me a break!

What!

I - I - sort of kn...

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'Never!

Never!!

Ever!!!',  said Grandma,

'Stand behind a horse

Out of its line of vision

Close to its hooves!

Lean over the rain barrel

To slurp a drink

No matter how high the water level!

Go across the pasture

Into the pine woods

At twilight!

Poke a hornet's nest

With a stick

Even if it looks empty!

Disturb a pile of dried n...

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Your tongue

is a lackey of the brain

and simply quacks.

But your eyes

reflect the soul

which cannot lie.

Intimacy

is in the look

not the sound

and transcends

even touch.

Love

crosses space

and time -

a truth

without dimensions.

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'If you had married me

We would have a chain of motels

Across the country - and be rich.'

'If you had married me

You would be Dean of a university

A noted poet - and be rich.'

'If you had married me

You would be a great singer

In demand around the world - and be rich.'

The total zilch value of 'If's'!

But, because I married Daddy

I have Esther, Cyanne,

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May God grant me the gift:

To lay my head upon my bed

and slip my mind to sleep;

To find upon the morrow

a refreshing realignment

of thought and deed;

To greet the day

with pleasure in all things;

And a sane desire

to think clearly.

May God grant me sight

to lift my eyes upon this world

of unceasing life and beauty;

And sound -

the symphony of the ...

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Ah – Poetry!

Random reflections

Harnessed into language.

Communion of heart and head

With oneself

To distil the Soul, the Mind

Into finest thought.

Words

Seeking to understand

Creation.

But surely – honestly – mostly -

To capture

The wonder of 'ME'!

Never before made -

Never to be repeated.

But - if ME -then YOU, too.

US!

It must so follo...

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Words

Purr and coo.

They kiss and snicker.

They lick, they lap.

They bite and snap.

They kick like hell

For the best position

Of their exposition

In the thought

On the line

Of your erudition.

Yours!

Your brain!

Machine of inflection

Reflection

Deflection.

Words!

A petition for grace

A plea for value.

Words!

Loving – lyrical -

Damaging ...

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For anyone

Briefly or lengthily

Exposed to the ravages

Of natural disasters:

Hurricanes

Floods

Fires

Eruptions

Famine

Pestilence

Disease -

Or, worse

To the ravages of War

Deliberately

Coldly

Ruthlessly inflicted

One man upon another

Upon women and children

Killing

Maiming

Laying waste all shelter

And sustenance.

Daily destruct...

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I shopped yesterday at my local Tesco's

Bulky cupboard back-ups

Because I had a lift home.

I left the guys to pack

Cans and cartons and bottles

Because they are particular

If not downright anal.

I sauntered on ahead

With my daffodil stems

And a pot of coriander

Not to be trusted to 'the men'.

I pass the shelf of 'charity books' regularly

And I no longer sto...

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We were rehearsing Beethoven

The director and I

For a performance of 'Ah, Perfido!'

A gesture of remarkable confidence

In my ability

Considering the years of recent silence

My limited training on operatic scale

And my 'maturity'.

So I threw myself into Italian study

Like a possessed woman 

Texts and tapes -

And suave Italian waiters -

For the practised free...

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I visited a psychiatrist once

Greatly troubled by memories 

From childhood.

Dark, debilitating intrusions

That growled and spat 

Ripped and shredded

All decency and peace:

Pulses of Hatred

From childhood -

Ghouls in my head

Lying in wait!

He sat behind a huge desk

A small person

Fortressed by this great plank

Covered with papers and pens

Books sta...

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My sister's family is close knit

but very casual, full of pets.

That summer the house dog was an Airedale

A big animal – wiry – intelligent.

Friendly enough but very watchful

Proprietorial even

Of people and premises.

As usual, if visiting, sisters do helpful chores.

One morning I stooped to scoop

Some towels and shoes from the stairs

To carry them up to their c...

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She came home after three weeks

My lusty first-born daughter

Leaving her sister in further care

To steady a nervous heart.

The weeks in nursery had been fraught:

Rows of babes in baskets keening day and night.

No peace - ever.

No touch of human hand beyond necessity.

The knot of tension in her wee neck

Was like a marble.

My heart hurt for her distress.

I held ...

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One hot summer's day

I stroked out from the coral beach

To a high rock in the small bay

With intent to dive

Safely.

The pocked outcrop was easy to climb

From the water surface.

The tide was high

The sea like crystal

Visibility clear.

I raised myself on to the rock

And peered down

Deep to the bottom

As into a glass of water

And could not judge its depth.

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To me

In contemplative mind

There is nothing more beautiful

Than a naked tree.

Stripped to bare grace

Twisted and gnarled

Broken and bent

Dark scribbles on the sky

Stretching

Lifting

Fighting upward - outward

The merest twig pulsing 

For light -

And the Universe.

Still

Clutching with hungry roots

And thirsty throats

The thick muck

Of ...

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Sometimes I sit looking out the window -

Not seeing.

A book on my lap – not reading.

The radio soft with song – not listening.

Or lying upon my pillow - not sleeping.

Just thinking.

Giving my brain free rein

To pursue its peculiar passages.

And this scope often spins into 'Poetry'

That esoteric web of human connection

Through millennia.

What is it exactly? Poe...

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She tucked the twins into bed

With the sun

Both children tired and ready to rest.

Darkness fell quickly

Warm, fragrant and black.

Night creatures were instantly busy.

Clinking about with pots and pans

She finished evening chores

And made a tasty sandwich

For Daddy's late night return

Weary and hungry.

Suddenly, the faintest call:

'Mummy. Mummy,' plaintively...

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My beloved books sit

Huddled on shelves - shelves and shelves -

Thick spines thin spines snazzy spines bedraggled spines

Finger-worn with years of turning pages

From school days and formal tuition.

Or glossy new, recently acquired

Slim and shiny from fellow poets

Who share their words on stage or internet

Many - like me – self-published - unchallenged.

From these ...

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I think God is a regular person

who is anything

and everything

and nothing

at the same time.

I think 'heaven' is a thing

a place and an idea.

There is no proof.

You can't touch it

see it or hear it.

But dead things may find life again

in a separate world.

I like amazing things:

giant waterfalls and volcanoes

tiny red spiders and seeds

and my f...

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