How Do Girls Pee?
I was visiting Mum for a week.
Always a delight for candid chat
Over a few quiet days
And the diverse 'drop-ins'
We both enjoyed so much.
One afternoon a favourite cousin called by
For coffee and cake.
In his fifties now – a fine looking chap
With the same twisted grin
I liked so well from childhood.
After some general conversation
He set down his cup
Twinkled at his smiling aunt
And leaned over to me confidentially.
'Do you remember playing in the sand hills
At Grandpa and Grandma's farm?'
Of course, I did!
Five and seven years old we were
Our fathers far away in war -
Years of TERRIBLE WAR.
And for an hour of squawking laughter
Our tensions tossed to the winds
We leapt from the brink of the pine hill
Sliding, ploughing, slithering
Through the fine, soft sand
All the way to the bottom
Unthinking of hidden roots
To break fragile bones
Just - joy.
I smiled, 'Yes. And?'
'Do you remember the day
It was just you and me?'
I should have been warned.
'We were all boys in my family – brothers.
And you were all girls in yours - sisters.'
I was listening intently, really interested
But I still didn't twig.
'We had no idea what made a girl a girl
Or a boy a boy.
'Booties and bonnets,' you said.
'Blue for a boy, and pink for a girl.'
And I said, 'What if the baby wears white or yellow?'
Ping! The day was like yesterday.
My mother was intrigued
Running her finger up and down the cup handle
Her coffee forgotten.
This was high voltage entertainment
Better than TV any day.
My cousin laughed, 'You do remember, don't you?'
You were persistent.
And you said, 'Well, I think the difference is
The way we pee!
Boys pee standing up.
Can you pee standing up?'
'No, ' I said. 'It would dribble all down my legs.
I have to sit down, or squat.'
'Well,' you said, 'I'll show you how boys pee
If you show me how girls pee.'
That seemed fair, so I said, 'OK.'
And I clearly recalled
We dropped our drawers
Keen for this new knowledge
More dependable than colours.
I looked hard and I said,
'Oh, you pee through a hot dog!'
And he said, 'You pee through a hot dog bun!'
And we laughed and laughed.
Two ways to pee was so funny!
We turned our bums around to check the other end.
'Ha ha! Just the same.
We poo the same!'
Now we knew.
So we pulled up our pants
And went back to whooping
And leaping down the sandy slope
Not caring at all who went further, or faster
Or how boys and girls did their piddle.