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depression (Remove filter)

I still don't know if you're alive

When I close my eyes I see the sun rising over the ocean. I see a succession of cars. I hear you laugh. I see knives in the flesh. I see fireflies surrounding your body. I see endless trees and a forest I have never known. I see barbells and birds. Lots of birds. I see the moment you decided to give up, I see you vomiting in the toilet after taking the pills.  I see you telling me you thought the ...

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Monsters don’t exist

Monsters don’t exist they say, they aren’t under your bed
I realise now I’m older, it was all just in my head,
but them ones are the scariest, the monsters in your mind,
the ones that make your heartbeat race, the creatures you can’t find.
Only you can feel them there, it’s driving you insane.
your body shakes, your brain, it aches ,from fears that live within,
you cry inside, you’ve got to ...

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Grey Day

Well he's definitely very angry today
He's gone and taken the world's colour away
Left me with only white, black and grey
Nothing, nada, no red, blue, yellow or green
No trace of them, gone! nowhere to be seen.
Vibrant pink, warm orange and vermillion
There nothing left now in this colourless prison
So how to describe the earth's serene face
The tree's and the flowers and wide open space

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Mental healthdepressioncolourdark

The Inner Feeling

The inner feeling

In which they are hidden

There’s no power of healing

The things that are forbidden


A little, tiny, very small

Peeking through the wall

Short, not very tall

The most whimsical of us all


Power we cannot see

The ghastly things are up for a walk

The prisoners are we

Suddenly we’re not able to talk


A dried fiend,

A false end,


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The Loss

Every loss is felt

Just as a ripple is spelt in water

Ever decreasing, calming asunder


A clock ticks in a house even emptier than before

The dark lingers in a hall still and sure

The cat rules now

Wondering why and how


Water weeps from a pungent wound

Never to be cleaned but to neglect and fester

Such a thought no beautiful sight could hinder

Leaving the los...

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My Love Is For Me, Not For You

Roses are red, violets are blue,

When I think of your love for me, I lose love for you.

What does my love feel like to me?

Being surrounded by beauty that only I can see.


Hidden behind my smile is someone fragile, flawed, and easily broken.

I showed you all of my healed scars and one by one you ripped them back open.

Again and again, my mind retreats to happier days while I ...

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love lostlovelessmarriagevulnerabilityraw poetrydepressionstrengthperseverancefragileflawedeasily brokendarkloneliness

Coming To Grips

Sitting here thinking, another week gone.

Another small increment moved from the fire.

It feels like it does when you’re just waking up,

half grasping consciousness, half in the mire.


When you’re not quite sure if it’s real or a dream,

the one where no matter your efforts you fail.

In total frustration you claw just to move,

and in the struggle, you miss the details



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regretmental illnessdepression

unachievable dreams

didn't wake up with the intention of being bad

I don't know why there's a pit in my stomach when no one is dead

run around my house and verbally beat up my dad

the screams sound bloodshed


he says, "there's so much you wanna do" 

and i obvert my eyes

wait around for a mental break-through

and make unachievable plans doing the highs


i wanna be a savior

and get th...

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sadteenagegirlteenagerrelationship with parentsdepressionanxietypoetry

In Case I Lose This Fight

I almost killed myself tonight,

I ran out of reasons to live and reasons to fight.

Each day is a battle just to survive,

How is it that I am expected to thrive?


The loneliness in this house is overbearing,

I feel like a fool for even caring.

All I need is to be loved and feel wanted,

But my reality is the opposite while my brain is haunted.


Nothing I say or do wil...

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depressionhelplesshopelessself-destructionfragileflawedeasily brokendarkraw poetryvulnerable

When The Darkness Falls

It’s colder now and seems somehow

more empty than before.

I wish I’d known the future then,

and what it held in store.

No longer is there will of heart

to venture form these walls,

and so I sit alone inside…

when the darkness falls.


Each stone hand crafted for the cause

to block away the pain.

The mortar mixed to guarantee

no feeling will remain.

A mist ens...

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chronic pain

i'm sick of doing the best i can
because it isn't ever enough
if I can't be good,
what's the point of being here at all?

I never sleep well anymore
even though I tell the doctors I sleep fine
I just stare at the ceiling
and live through the lives of others

sit in class with an ache behind my eyes
I can't even tell if the pain is real
excedrin can only do so much
and I think my toler...

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depressionhypochondriahypochondriacpainhealthhealth anxietymental healthfamily

supporting the economy

my worth is always fluctuating
you talk to me like I'm worth nothing
but when it's past nine pm I'm priceless
I can't tell if I'm a commodity

you told me you liked me out of the blue
it was almost out of impulse
like that pretty journal, you bought but never used
both are just things that are nice to have around

you didn't need to do that
you had plenty of things at home stuffed in yo...

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the moon and the sun

you told me i’d only fail

laugh at my hopes and dreams

you act as if i’m frail

there’s often reoccurring themes 


you know i’m not dumb 

it’s just that you don’t care

so don’t ask me for gum

and don’t you give me that stare


i don’t know how we ever got along 

we’re opposites like the moon and the sun

you probably think you’re the moon, but i think that you’re...

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Sat through another non-eventful free fall through the ceiling

while trying hard to feel something despite the way I'm feeling.


Trying hard to find my way back to the time of when

I didn't have to sit in this damn chair time and again.


For every day now seems a bit more like the day before.

Just like a cross between a treadmill and revolving door,


where weeks and m...

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struggledepressionmental illness


It’s finally the day to come,

blood mixing in.

Flows like a river

through oceans of sin.


Long past the point

where the numbness was new.

Long past believing

that anything’s true.


Steel against flint,

only flash in this night.

Desperate to see

but it only ignites,


the gasoline soaked

twisted rags in my soul.

No way to stop it

and nowhere t...

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brokendownbeatengiving updepressionheartache

Days End

The days don’t seem to give a damn,

they march in step of time.

They stare ahead with eyes of steel

while never breaking line.


They torture me with disregard,

they tread upon my soul.

They seem so unaware I’m here,

they simply come and go.


I once believed the day would come,

I hoped that it would give

the thing that I was searching for -

a reason I should...

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Lightening burns and strains my mind

Freezes my thoughts like a photo

Open to think again

Alive again to life ever after 

For now at least

Lifting me from depressions hungry jaw

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Sorrow's Bounty

In a world of plenty, where joy should reign,

A soul wanders lost, drowning in pain.

He has it all, or so it seems,

Yet inside, he's adrift in shattered dreams.


Possessions many, but feelings in drought,

Tears concealed, smiles worn throughout.

Once in a while, breaks down unseen, 

In the quiet ache, where joy's been.


Everything's there, yet nothing to hold,

A ...

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