Satire (Remove filter)
Sashaying to Byzantium
That is no session for old men. The young
With lithe legs and arms stretch like sapling trees
We, flailing generation whose Latin songs
Fail inflamed and arthritic joints to ease
We began at eight, it’s now ten, how long
Before one amongst us succumbs, and dies?
Caught in that sensual music all wrecked
Monuments of years of bad neglect
An agèd man is but a tragic ...
Wednesday 20th November 2024 5:19 pm
They'll Find Fault Anyway!
In a world where you can't escape judgment, this limerick tries to dive deep into the absurdity of trying to please everyone. Even if you perform the impossible—like walking on water—someone will still find fault, questioning your intelligence and abilities. With a touch of irony, this piece wants to highlight the endless nature of criticism and the futility of seeking universal approval. It’s th...
Monday 11th November 2024 11:44 am
Devine Opinion On Dollars!
If you want to know what God thinks of gold,
Just look at the wealthy, the brazen, the bold.
For riches, you’ll find,
Go to quite the odd kind,
And that’s all you need to be told!
Monday 11th November 2024 11:27 am
Chipping Away
Get yourself a lump of marble
Twenty feet by six by six
Borrow a set of chisels
Or buy them from Screwfix
Empty out your garage or outdoor store
Of furniture and kids’ bikes from ceiling to floor
Grab yourself a mallet
Michelangelo liked wood
And get stuck in whilst listening to Johnnie B Goode
With every blow you will release
The body shape within
From a...
Saturday 26th October 2024 2:29 pm
The UkeFest
Just because you can play it doesn’t mean you should
I’m talking about After the Goldrush or Before the Flood
or anything by The Eagles, Paul Simon and Stormzy
Keep these artists separate from your ukulele
Just because you know the words don’t mean you can sing
Paul Rogers is Bad Company, leave Fields of Gold to Sting
Give Roy Orbison numbers a miss
Don’t kid yourself you...
Friday 30th August 2024 9:06 am
Puke Crawl
Puke Crawl
Work in a call centre all night long five nights a week
On shift number five told to go drinking with the bosses
Drink till drunk then drink till you puke this is an order
I did this twice with them when I worked in a small BPO
Twice was enough drink till I crawl had my fill no more
Takes the stress away but I’m not doing it again
I was too tired after shift asked t...
Wednesday 21st August 2024 3:54 am
Mr Fix It
The agent sneezed
Another f*cking head cold!
Which twat did he catch it off?
He'd give them their virus back 3x!
Make sure they suffer call it karma
Now he was taking calls in a mask
His voice was muffled and he was irate
Irate agent irate customers wanting help
With their Twinstar electric heaters
Tech support was such fun they said
The customers were American and lazy
Inste...
Monday 19th August 2024 2:50 pm
19/31
19/31
Everybody knew what they both did
After the Xmas party a lot of rumpy pumpy!
The mid-size 31 year old female
And the 19 year old male getting it on
The lad has a galfriend and new baby
But still grinded the older chick
People told me of this and what joy!
They went to a hotel after the drinking
And screwed like rabbits oh illicit heaven!
It was a small Pattaya c...
Monday 19th August 2024 2:29 pm
Times Over
Times Over
The Fake God gloated and said
'Hey mate I win this round and for good'
He nodded and replied yes you win here
But not for good tho I'll accept the NTE
No disputes as numbers don't lie
Yes boss I know I failed in sales
Do what you will transfer or fire me
I'll transfer you to collections
Brian went on to say why did you
Follow me four times over Asia?
I worked in Bangkok and M...
Monday 19th August 2024 2:26 pm
Lick Not Bite
Lick Not Bite
Where is the sale?
Hiding in the sky
Quick reach up
Get the sale now!
Poor agents no sale
Time for a meeting
Then coaching session
And call monitoring
Are they following?
Teach them then
Spoon feed them
So they get more sales
Aren’t outlying agents
With 0 or just 1 sale
With 7 or 8 or more
Poor little reps
Always st...
Monday 19th August 2024 2:23 pm
NTE Yourself!
NTE Yourself! NTEs were given out each month To the reps with low or no sales In time there were no reps on the account The Fake God was left alone Just him and his support to call They each wanted two fifty k a month To do the work of ten reps It was physically impossible But they went for it and failed Would they give NTEs to themselves?
Monday 19th August 2024 2:21 pm
Reduce It
Reduce It
Expand the size of it
What you ask?
The cash in your wallet
Your cock size
The engine in your car
Your ego size
The number of galfriends
Your apartment size
The type of motorcycles
Your lifetime
All this and more
You want extending
I’ll tell you this
We’ll do the opposite
Reduce it all!
Monday 19th August 2024 1:53 pm
Hoop Jumping Writers
Hoop Jumping Writers
The writers have to jump thru hoops
Like trained pet dogs for a biscuit
The biscuit is a publishing deal
Or poem in print or online story
The publisher says jump
The writers ask how high?
Have you ever seen jumping writers?
The funniest sight you’ll see
All jumping together jump jump jump!
Jumping thru hoops to get in print
Doing anything for a deal
Some even leap ...
Monday 19th August 2024 1:43 pm
Peak Ale
Peak Ale
Rivers of beer flow down the mountainside
Like spring time rain fresh wet refreshing drowning
So lovely to sooth you no worries mountain beer
Very strong just what the doctor ordered
Drink your fill have enough to drown in
You will not feel death it’ll be like birth
New beginnings brought by peak beer
Brewed atop the summit by a Goddess
See people lined up to su...
Monday 19th August 2024 1:42 pm
Keeps Loading
Keeps Loading
The system keeps freezing it makes you want to be elsewhere
Rather than stuck here in work using a tool that’s frozen
You’re not in the mood for made in Red China jokes
You want to be on top of the mountain free from all this
Oh what crap you must endure but you have your reasons
To do all this and in time you’ll be free of all this bullshit
So have patience and...
Monday 19th August 2024 1:34 pm
Lee Dixon’s Cliche Cabinet
When Lee Dixon opens his cliche cabinet,
We’re havin' it.
It was a game of two halves
The lad’s put in a shift
You couldn’t write this script, that’s a gift
Get in there my son, go on my boy
The phrases flow, sucked of joy
He pulls rabbits from hats
With consummate ease
He’s a mangled mouthed magician
Can’t you see?
His left foot’s just for standing ...
Wednesday 10th July 2024 11:07 am
Barista Blues
I lost my girl to a barista
He’s taken all I’d got
Wrote her name on her cup, then he kissed her
While she necked an espresso shot
I thought that I could trust her
But this is no minor affliction
Her love for the bean’s robusta
It’s a terminal addiction
I’m a has bean on the cafe scene
You could say at this juncture
Since I lost my Costa Coffee Queen
My Nespresso capsule’s punctured
Wednesday 22nd May 2024 11:11 am
Socially Perfect
I love my perfect life
With my perfect kids and my perfect wife
And all those perfect times we’ve had
Being the perfect mum and perfect dad
And our perfect home where perfect friends
Adapt perfectly to every trend
Or those perfect days spent at the beach
Who says perfection’s out of reach?
We have perfect times when we go out
With perfect people round about
As our perfect laughter fi...
Thursday 16th May 2024 8:01 pm
The Last Tango
I’ll take my chances by the crater’s edge
And hold my partner to the windswept ledge
Our heads thrown back as we await the crash
Of pumice stone and hot volcanic ash
With molten lava there is just one chance
To swoon and tango in one last romance
So take me in your arms and squeeze me tight
Erupting embers make the earth ignite
He holds her waist she grips his wri...
Tuesday 7th May 2024 5:54 pm
Bungalow Dreaming
I’ve got my eye on a bungalow
now I’m ageing fast and living slow
not much to do, nowhere to go
A remote-controlled garage door
An en-suite on the ground floor
These are the things I’m looking for
My rosy afterglow
I’ve got my eye on a bungalow
Where I can unwind, go with the flow
Touch the roof it’s only low
A resin drive that’s easy to clean
No moss, no weed...
Sunday 28th April 2024 9:49 am
The Eternal Flame
Two stones banged together
To create a misplaced spark
Forget about the weather
Never mind the dark
Harnessing that fire
Gave Neanderthals a thrill
They could build a funeral pyre
And keep out the Ice Age chill
Down countless generations
The flame remained intact
As in various locations
Wood was splintered, split and stacked
By Maasai on the Kenyan Plains
In Uluru’s mystic glow
...
Wednesday 17th April 2024 7:11 pm
Sleeping with Alexa
Sleeping with Alexa
Got a new girl in the metaverse
It’s impossible to hate her
Although her repartee is terse
And she’s harvesting my data
Her presence is immersive
She’s made my life complete
Her motives are subversive
She’s got no hands or feet
She’s a disembodied avatar
Who tells me all I need to know
From how to drive a driverless car
What to...
Sunday 25th February 2024 12:24 pm
Tough on Rhyme
We’re locking up the poets
And throwing them in cells
They’re dissidents and show it
Via odes and villanelles
Collected incantations
Against the status quo
Acerbic observations
Couplets in full flow
We’re exiling the muses
To be banished somewhere grim
With Terza Rima that confuses
And volumes that are slim
Wokey right-on anarchists
Who kid...
Friday 16th February 2024 2:09 pm
If Dogs Were Made World Leaders
If dogs were made world leaders
There would be no futile wars
And laws and treaties would be signed
With inky prints of paws
Chihuahuas and Alsatians
Would respect each other’s space
There’d be no United Nations
Just a favourite sniffing place
Summit sessions would be held
In playing fields or parks
With flashing collars de rigeur
For meetings after dar...
Thursday 8th February 2024 6:58 pm
Three Short Words
We needed Nelson Mandela
They gave us Elizabeth Truss
A crushing disappointment for all the rest of us
We needed Mahatma Gandhi
They gave us Elizabeth Truss
Which was seriously worrying
When her judgement is so sus
We needed Angela Merkel
They gave us Elizabeth Truss
Stick a three-word slogan on a big red bus
Liz our Healer, our Leader our Giver
Chosen to Deliver...
Thursday 1st February 2024 12:35 pm
Parish Councillor
Parish Councillor (after Betjeman)
I am a Parish Councillor; no job’s too small for me
From facilitating Bonfire Night to lighting up the tree
In every avenue and byway of our village small and neat
You’ll find me surveying the highway and examining the street.
Who’s that? people say as I stride along the lanes
Frowning, nodding, peering down to investigate the drains
...Thursday 25th January 2024 4:03 pm
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