It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it.
It's not what you say, it's the way that you say it.
and
Anthony - is the whole of your comment referring to this poem because as far as i can see, you have a fair sense of judgement.

I like this poem. I suppose we all have difficulty communicating without appearing to be like some god who knows it all at one time and another.
Sorry to go on a bit. It's just a baggage clearance system. Get it off your chest and be done with it. In the nicest way possible of course. :-)

Janet.x

Comment is about Ivory Towers (blog)

Thank you Francine for taking the time and for your comments.
Bernie

Comment is about Dancing (blog)

Could someone please lend my a very big shoehorn? It appears (by some freak accident) that I have both my foot in my mouth and my tongue wedged very firmly in my cheek.

Oh for the gift of hindsight
And the psychic’s magic eye,
When “welcome” courts just platitudes.
And not the hows or why.
Oh for a magic mirror
To be always close at hand.
To reflect the fragile egos
Of the fairest in the land.
Oh for the gift of deafness
To anything but praise,
To bask in one’s own “opinion”
In the happy sunlit days.
Oh for a place to run and hide
From the chattering girls and boys,

But how to escape that little pram
When the floor’s waist deep with toys? ;-)

Comment is about Ivory Towers (blog)

Hi Beulah,
after commenting on this poem, i went to view your profile and looking at the poems on there and the years you've been writing i wonder why you posted this one on the blogs?
Perhaps it is my ignorance or i'm missing something here.

Janet. :-)

Comment is about basic as I am getting going (blog)

Original item by Beulah

I think this has a lot to say and with some fine tuning perhaps with a little help if you need it from someone who is good at re-working poems to guve it strength and power, it has the potential to be a great one.

ps. please don't ask me to help because i don't feel qualified to. :-)
Janet.x

Comment is about basic as I am getting going (blog)

Original item by Beulah

Thank you for your very kind words about my work. Warmed the cockles of my heart!

Comment is about Cate (poet profile)

Original item by Cate

I don't think this portrays being ''in favour'' of any revolution.
I have to say i'm not familiar with the St. Petersburg theme. I admit to being ignorant of these things because i find them too sensitive for my well being. That's not to say, i don't pray for peace in all situations.

The imagery is enough for me to say i enjoyed reading this poem.
Janet.x

Comment is about Barricade (blog)

Thank you for dropping by...Yes you can hear me read(with Brendan Ring on uilleann pipes and clairseach), check the audio clip and also one myspace page!

Comment is about David Franks: Walkabouts Verse (poet profile)

Original item by David Franks: Walkabouts Verse

Ooooo bring it on!!! but not the hips please!
Cate xx

Comment is about Chocolate (blog)

Original item by Valerie Cook

Ahhhhh love this. I love being in the sea snorkelling and diving. Brings back memories of some lovely holidays and what it was like to be warm!!
Cate ww

Comment is about Paradise (blog)

Original item by Valerie Cook

Hi Val, thaks for your comment on My Gramps. He was very special to me.
Cate xx

Comment is about Valerie Cook (poet profile)

Original item by Valerie Cook

Absolutely beautiful haunting work Michele. It interweaves so well with the Gaelic music which I love. I remember visiting Ireland many years ago in a folk band on tour, and we never paid for a drink all the time we were there!!..... the Irish so love their music and your poetry has the lilt and flow which this music accompanies so well. just love it.
Cate xx

Comment is about Michèle Vassal (poet profile)

Original item by Michèle Vassal

Thankyou Nicky and Val.
All i can say is Nicky, you have a wonderful way with words and obviously a good eye for art.xx

Comment is about Kinsella (blog)

Hi Michele: I'd like to hear you READ your work, and the addition of pipes and harp would be a treat.
From David - poet and folkie

Comment is about Michèle Vassal (poet profile)

Original item by Michèle Vassal

Hi Nicky, you found the blogs then. :-)

I've read this poem several times over and it's so simply written i'm not sure if i'm looking for something which isn't there.
Does that explain the poem?

I like it because of the simplicity, and if it had tried to be anything other than simple it would have had a sinister underlying theme which would be quite scary. ooooh.

Janet.x

Comment is about Glass Eyes (blog)

Original item by Nicky Burrows

Hi Marianne,

thanks for your time and considered comment on my poem 'silence'

steve

steve

Comment is about Marianne Daniels (poet profile)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Hi John

thanks for your time and considered comment on the poem 'silence'

steve

Comment is about John Darwin (poet profile)

Original item by John Darwin

I love this poem Janet. Its so so true. LOL

Comment is about If i had a pound for... (blog)

I lke this one Tommy. Very good.

Comment is about Accent (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Another success Gemma. Your words paint clear pictures we all can see and understand
Good work.

Comment is about Crystal Kids (blog)

Original item by Gemma Lees

Excellent Cate, I love nostalgic poems they really work on the imagination,conjure back memories and give joy. Your poem hits all the buttons.

Comment is about Our Gramps (blog)

Original item by Cate

Janet what a brilliant concept poem Janet, do write some more please. : - )

Comment is about Kinsella (blog)

I like the way this takes an unexpected turn at the end...
Very sad though.

Comment is about Dancing (blog)

have a tickle under your chin from me for your vanity! really like your work!

Comment is about Stroked (blog)

wow! love the melancholic terror - a tremble that clings sneakily, this poem is beautiful in tone. well done.

Comment is about Glass Eyes (blog)

Original item by Nicky Burrows

Very sad. I makes me want to cry with you.
Cate xx

Comment is about pennies (blog)

Just caught up on this one Deborah,.... it has a very etherial feel to it... I love it. In dark times hope is something we all need to feel, and reach out for, but it is a long up hill journey.
Cate xx

Comment is about Virtuality (blog)

Original item by Deborah Jordan Bailey

Hi Anthony
Thanks for your comment, and I can honestly say that I wasn't upset by it, but it was a bit like being back at school, where I was originally put off literature. If you read my Biog. it says that I write for my own pleasure .....
What's written in Time Flues is exactly what I wanted to say, at the time it was written. Whether it's good, bad or indifferent, it's what I wanted to say.
I shall leave the site to those more serious poets, and those desirous of improving.

Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Thanks Rodney for your comments.
Bernie

Comment is about Rodney Wood (poet profile)

Original item by Rodney Wood

been back on this one Janet and think I will go along with what Nicky as said, very good write , draws the reader into it and thats got to be good.
Bernie

Comment is about Kinsella (blog)

a fascinating piece, I have to keep going back and reading it again. Every time I do I find something new. It's the poetic equivalence of a Salvador Dali painting. It draws you in, but each time you look at it you find something different that you didn't see the time before.

I know that all poetry is subjective and we bring our own meaning to any piece of poetry or prose that is written. It's an intoxicating blend of Surrealism and Romanticism with an existential thread running through it. Love it and want to read more.

Comment is about Kinsella (blog)

Hi Maipenrai,
not as such no but i have a few which might have the possibility of being adapted to a series.
I'm just experimenting with this one.

thanks, Janet.x

Comment is about Kinsella (blog)

Hi Stephen,
After seeing Cynthia's comment (with which I agree entirely) I came back to this to see what you might do with it. To be honest, I feel you could tighten it up much more. If it was mine I would aim to cut the length by at least half. I know it sounds drastic, but by losing some of the familiar and cliched lines/images you concentrate the effect. Some phrases are so familiar that we almost "pre-read" them before we get to the line - sort of "take them as read" if you like. I think you ought to ask yourself a question - what is this poem's message? What do you want it to say to the reader? Is it something they already know - or do you want to present an idea to them in a new way? Just to give you some examples:

The second line of the poem - "Gazing on a scene" What do these three words actually say? To condense it might take only one word - "seeing." Or, we could assume that you were aware of your environment as a child, and lose the line completely!

Tenth line - "Folk in the village below." We might assume that since we are hearing about mines/factories that the workforce lives somewhere nearby. You tell us there's a village - you needn't also tell us that folk live there.

In the fifth stanza: "Settled on Mum’s weekly laundry,
She pegged out on the washing line." - The second of these two lines is just filler - wouldn't we know that she had to dry the washing?

I could offer more examples, but I won't. I would suggest you think of it as if you were preparing a cordon bleu reduction sauce and reduce it slowly and carefully down to the very essence of its flavour. Throw away all those parts we can take as read, all the ecvess words which don't add anything (forget about the rhyme for the moment) and force it to say exactly and precisely the message/feeling/image you wish it to portray - in as few words as possible.

There are some good lines and images here:

Cathedral organs
Playing worn-out tunes
banked with nutty-slack,
Placed neatly in the history drawer.
washing lines that spanned the street
start a fire with twists of newspaper;
draw-tin, or a poker, or a ‘coil-oil’.
who pegs clothes out any more?

but at the moment they are languishing in the depths of the bran-tub (I know you will know what a bran-tub is!) Take them out, polish them and put them in a more fitting setting - let them shine. Read it aloud to yourself - record it and play it back if possible. Pretend it is something written by someone else, and that you've never heard/read it before. Listen for the words that make your ears prick up, that tickle the hairs on the back of your neck, the ideas and images which move you. Cut out every surplus word, phrase and idea that doesn't speak to you. Then take what's left and reassemble it into something that sparkles.

I'm sorry if I sound overly harsh or critical. This isn't awful poetry, but I believe, with more care and thought, most of us are capable of writing much better poetry. That requires us to apply a magnifying glass to every single word we use, and for those words to fight each other for the right to be included in our work. Seconds out . . .

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about Time Flues (Revisited) (blog)

Steve,Rodney thank you both for your comments.
Bernie

Comment is about Barricade (blog)

I think Cynthia is right, your writing seems spontaneous and good as far as I am concerned.
Bernie

Comment is about get paid and gas (blog)

lol Emily, good un.
Bernie

Comment is about carbon dating (blog)

what an interesting piece this is, have you got a series or anymore on Kinsella?
Bernie

Comment is about Kinsella (blog)

Are these spontaneous lines? Never editted? all your work is so vitally capturing. You know the 'tranche de vie' business in prose, yes? These poems are like snatches of seconds, whole lives in a few short lines. You are very very good.

Comment is about get paid and gas (blog)

...did you put your foot down, Emily?!

Comment is about carbon dating (blog)

Winston, I passed through Hebdon Bridge last week, and so wanted to stop for a bit, but the three-year-old had other plans. The area was beautiful, quite unique, almost "Tolkein-y' Goodness knows when I can explore a bit. Such surroundings must influence your poetry.

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Awww... but this made me laugh!

Love these lines:

'Don’t be laxy or stoop as low
As lipo
You lazy so and so
Now go
Unravel the loops of your inside
You comfort eating guzzler man
I love that lager can
And I can I can
Can't dance it off'

Comment is about Praying man gut man boob (blog)

Heureusement que tu es heureux!
Il faut rigoler tous les jours : )
xxxxx

Comment is about So long since I laughed (blog)

Bienvenue à WOL Nicky!
Love your poem 'Stuff'...
Brilliant the way it's written : )

Comment is about Nicky Burrows (poet profile)

Original item by Nicky Burrows

Thank you Jeff for taking the time to read and comment on 'Deprived'... much appreciated.

Your poem 'Someone in Particular' put a smile on my face... funny : )

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Thanks for your comments Anthony. Loved Edge - not dissimilar themes really. Must get round to reading more of yours.

Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Yes Steve - this slimmed down version is probably an easier read and doesn't lose the nostalgia or essence.

Comment is about Time Flues (Revisited) (blog)

I'm impressed that you stop to brush your teeth.

Comment is about these are not my splaying bristles (blog)

Nice metaphor!

Comment is about i have the capacity to be very warm (blog)

Unlike Steve I don't think the image of frozen works (and why should he/she cry for St Petersburg?) Flags standing strong and proud is clitched; and what revolution is it you're in favour of?

Comment is about Barricade (blog)

Hi, Owl Feather secrets revealed! Have a look at the blog. Win

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas