There are some nice ideas in here Lynn but some of the rhyme feels forced.
Have you ever tried writing in free verse? I found it really hard to do at first, cos like you, I like the musical feel of rhyme. Sometimes free verse does feel more natural though. x

Comment is about Flesh (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

I like the sentiment. Saying it has 'potential' sounds so snarky, but it is what I do think. I know the lack of 'form' is implicit with the Woolie's idea of harum-scarum goods for sale, but I still think it could be, as a poem, more organized to fully express your thought. I would drop lines 6 and 7 of the first stanza as an example. I don't see what they contribute to encapsulate your idea.

Comment is about Something for Everyone (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Yes, Graham, I did. Chris Co was very encouraging about it, but it just 'fizzled' before. I'm kind of keen to see if any newer WOLers have any comments. It was a marked departure in style, sort of epic in character. (I use the word 'epic' rather loosely!)

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sorry I didn't see your comment before I posted!

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Have you posted this before Cynthia? Something is certainly reminiscent of this in my head?

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

When I read this in Sale last week I was appalled to find I had in my hand a 'very early' version. But who would know, except me. I'm done with revising now. War is big on everyone's minds, as always.

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

I can honestly say I have never had a creamy whirl - but do you remember Jubblies?

Comment is about I'm bored - feel like dancin' anyone? (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

i love this, especially;
'i ate the black
and my viens turned white,
the line of chalk between us
sometimes smeared.
it all reminds me of alice through the glass..lovely x

Comment is about Sister Houdini (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

i like the way you describe the affection...but the ending made me cringe...maybe im just fed up of people batting their eyes and talking shit at me thinking it make them delicously unnattainable and unique yet they all do it thomas....im not impressed, short pauses annoy me. but i do like the way youve described that cascade of feeling. and its only my jaded opinion.

Comment is about Adrienne (blog)

Original item by Tom

Gremlins Gorn or sleeping Winston.

Comment is about Crackling (poet profile)

Original item by Crackling

Not even Country Life?

Comment is about Crackling (poet profile)

Original item by Crackling

Welcome Crackling to WOL. Here's hoping that we are all sorted now. apologies for any gremlins , winston(Admin)

Comment is about Crackling (poet profile)

Original item by Crackling

Welcome to WOL Naomi. I often get mistaken for a footballer's WAG too. I think it has something to do with my neck...
We are very lucky to look like our profile pictures - very many people don't...

Comment is about Naomi Hefter (poet profile)

Original item by Naomi Hefter

Hi Naomi, really sorry for the delay in posting but Welcome to WOL and I hope you enjoy the site. You can always enter your poems as blogs which often generates more comments :-) Win

Comment is about Naomi Hefter (poet profile)

Original item by Naomi Hefter

Thats my effing wife your torking abart :(

Comment is about Adrienne (blog)

Original item by Tom

Sorry folks - don't suppose anyone will like this - but hey! xxxxxxx

Comment is about I'm bored - feel like dancin' anyone? (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Thanks all - figured less is more on the development of this idea. And I can't play chess either! Snakes and ladders anyone? xxxx

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Soon I hope, Banksy. Been living it up at Glastonbury and such. should be back in the swing shortly!

As for the cat - simple is more than often the best

Comment is about Nash (poet profile)

Original item by Nash

yeh get a load of mine. i make £100s off american and japanese tourists outside the bingo on the high street...i get extras for reading my shallow pond life poetry...oh if these comments werent about me then why dont you make your criticisms in person to those who annoy you instead in a direct and honest manner. its uninspiring to read so called poetry and comments that are just a dig at other people. yes, very deep kealan.

Comment is about Kensington (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

I like all of this poem but for me the last two stanzas are superb.x

Comment is about Sister Houdini (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

I like the analogy in this one too.
Unusual subject matter. I haven't attempted chess, it requires a lot of patience waiting around for your opponent to make their next move which does nothing for me whatsoever :-)
Give me a good old game of draughts any day, it's simple, fun and requires little deep thought and concentration, just a few neat,crafty moves and you are away. mmmmm...
x

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

wonderful poem...love the way you get swept up to as it gathers pace..very physical!
be well. Trk.x

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hello to the Mighty Nash !
"only a cat" = a very simple poem, but glad you liked it. When are we seeing some more of yours ? B

Comment is about Nash (poet profile)

Original item by Nash

I would agree with Graham on that one. On a chessboard I love the knight cos it can jump around, lurk in the background and take people by surprise. In real life, I would always opt for something more direct and straightforward, even if it were against me.

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

This is a bit out of date now, because a lot of the old stores are no longer unoccupied. But I still miss Woolies!

Comment is about Something for Everyone (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Hi Ann - thanks for your kind comments on 'Excess memories :) As you say it probably isn't a typical example, though I do tend to go with the mood of the moment.

Best wishes, Dave

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

This is a very interesting piece Ann. You have managed to make what most take to be a rather slow, studious game into a dashing, frivolous almost reckless exercise. I think it cries out for filling out and developing the other characters that you almost skip by in your passion for the knight. What a great idea though, well done.

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi Dave - hope you are well. I'm so pleased that Win chose your poem as the poem of the month. I must admit I hadn't heard it before, seems very different to recent poems of yours. I like it, and also your other lighter stuff too. So well done! xx

Comment is about Dave Dunn (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Shane.................... You have been missing in action!
This is a great message that sounds a bit like a rap...
Did you type this up on your phone again? ; )

Comment is about Are you Listening ? (blog)

Longman Dictionary of the English Language - "rangy /raynji/adj of an animal - long limbed and long bodied" yours truly ex-grammar school girlie x

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Nothing wrong with a bit of rust Isobel -it speaks of years of experience! And you can always go over it with a bit of sandpaper! Ouch!x

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Well it I was doing that Ann - I wouldn't be thinking rusty...xx

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

But . . did you get my ENIGMAtic reference? Clevercloggs! Have you got your cloggs on by the way? hahah x

Comment is about new twenty pound note haiku (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

You just need to use your imagination Isobel! xxxx

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Never realised Chess could be so raunchy Ann! I guess it must depend on who you're playing with...

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I always find your poems interesting and with a lot of thought behind them. I see from re-reading your profile that you look forward to criticism/comment etc. I don't know how often you make comments on other poets poems - if you do, you are more likely to get feedback from them. Good luck with it all anywaY! XX

Comment is about Tom (poet profile)

Original item by Tom

Lots of Earth Mother magic - I like it too! x

Comment is about Beltane Dream (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

I always look forward to your next poem Thomas! Be well! xx

Comment is about The Sea At Night Does Not Rest (blog)

Original item by Tom

Thanks for kind comments on "Curled as a shell . . ." x

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Thanks for kind comments on "Curled as a shell . . ." x

Comment is about Marianne Daniels (poet profile)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Just a silly bit of nonsense for my knight in rusty armour! x

Comment is about knightmoves (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I like this a lot Marianne, esp the first and last verses. "I am falling asleep in braille" = fab! x

Comment is about Sister Houdini (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

This is quite intriguing Marianne...
I love the line: 'I am falling asleep in Braille'

Comment is about Sister Houdini (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Now there's handsome!
Jx

Comment is about Malpoet (poet profile)

Original item by Malpoet

Well I can only apologise for having misunderstood your poem, and for completely missing the re-cycling tray - all is clear now.
And as for the picture - I have seen some very pleasant ones of you ... and if you're going to have one that makes you look like something barking - perhaps Pekinese is not your best look? ... get yourself a brandy and you'll look a lot more saintly, Bernard!
:)
Jx

Comment is about Malpoet (poet profile)

Original item by Malpoet

Very sweet.
Cx

Comment is about pussycatdreaming (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I, too, keep coming back to this one - lots of layers and possibilities of interpretation. Good stuff. But I think I'd lose one of the 'and's from the last line - the first one, I think.
Cx

Comment is about How To Fix A Broken Man (blog)

Original item by John Togher

Like this very much Ann, and like everyone else - particularly the twist.
Cx

Comment is about falling in love by surprise (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi there Bernard!
I like it ... have I said all this before? I quite like the idea of replacing spent bits with new, do the old get re-cycled? But why are both arms being exchanged? or does it indicate a change of mind? And why do I ask so many questions?
It really is nice to see you back here, and I'm with Janet on the photo.
Juniper
x

Comment is about Armed (blog)

Original item by Malpoet

Yes, I agree with Marianne - certainly resonates with me.
Really good. Always look out for your work.
Cx

Comment is about The Sea At Night Does Not Rest (blog)

Original item by Tom