Okay gents, here's the latest version; if it's not to your liking, so be it. Colin, don't butt out - comment is the reason I'm here. Graham, thanks, but it's not melancholy I'm seeking to describe; rather it's annoyance at my own vacillation that i see as driving the poem. Keep it coming, though.

Comment is about A PENNY / LOST IN THOUGHT / THINK ON (blog)

I personally wouldn't change the original but as per the others comments this might work.

I think of you as resolute
I think of you as brave
my melancholy is absolute;
I’m flotsam on a wave.

Comment is about A PENNY / LOST IN THOUGHT / THINK ON (blog)

Thankyou Steve for taking the time to read my post " is this what borders do?" It's appreciated. Tommy

Comment is about steve pottinger (poet profile)

Original item by steve pottinger

How to turn a palaver into a poem? For every fifty pages of palavers one comes out good (eventually).

For me 'irresolute' looks back to 'resolute' in an easy opposite sort of way. But the next line is such a strong image I feel I want to change 'resolute' to something that carries me forward into 'I'm flotsam on a wave.' Lots of good rhymes for resolute (pollute springs to mind and links to flotsam) but there's other choices than mine.

But hey, this is your poem so I'll butt out. Must admit though, it's starting to grow on me. x

Comment is about A PENNY / LOST IN THOUGHT / THINK ON (blog)

Blimey, what a palaver. I think i'll keep all the 'thinks' in the first verse, but i think you're right about using the last two lines from version 2. In fact, the last 4 lines might shift over nicely. What's wrong with' irresolute'? It echoes 'resolute' and describes the feeling precisely, so unless you can persuade me otherwise, i'm keeping it. Thanks for taking the time Colin, much obliged.

Comment is about A PENNY / LOST IN THOUGHT / THINK ON (blog)

A really well-crafted and very readable review, that knocked me for six, Laura.

Comment is about Hollie McNish in Manchester, 2015 (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

I think you've thinked yourself into a corner Trav. I'm with Graham, prefer the orig but I'd ditch 3 'I thinks' from the first 4 lines and swap irresolute for something new. I'd also pinch the last 2 lines of the rewrite and work them into the last 4 of the orig. Looking forward to version 3 tomorrow. No pressure! x

Comment is about A PENNY / LOST IN THOUGHT / THINK ON (blog)

"Time's winged chariot", eh, MC?
There are certainly no wings on my feet these days.

Comment is about PASSING FEET (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Graham,you are an occifer and a gentleman! (as they say when having necked too much SC) As to where it all went wrong? I think it was round about the time I first heard the two dreaded words-I'm pregnant! If only I had owned a Sturmey Archer at that point in time! foiled again! drat! xx

Comment is about 9teen6ties pill popping pussy hunter (blog)

Not stout for me, I'm afraid, Hazel. My favourite was Gales HSB. Perished now, I believe. Taken over by Fullers.
They say we all drink the same amount in a lifetime and I reached my quota quite early; so I could stop. I've been teetotal for 20 years.

Comment is about Stout (blog)

Original item by Hazel Connelly

Sorry to hear this news. I only met G on a couple of occasions when I came across the hills but she was warm and friendly to me. Condolences to all her friends and family.

Comment is about Glenys Feeney: north-west poet and compere 'with sparkling wit' (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

This is beautiful, I especially like the repetition of "so that I might have excuse
to keep you". The undualting lines in the format show how difficult letting go can be, one moment resolved to what must be done the next...finding an excuse not to. Beautiful.

Comment is about for a dead child (blog)

Original item by jeremy young

Thanks for this wonderful review, Laura. You really capture the excitement and joy of the gig in a way that old guys like me maybe can't!

Comment is about Hollie McNish in Manchester, 2015 (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Thanks Graham, now I'm really stumped. I'd started re-writing it and it seemed to be improving; getting closer to the feelings that prompted it. If i can come up with an alternate version, i may post it next to the first one, and see how they compare, should anyone else care to offer an opinion. Thanks again.

Comment is about A PENNY / LOST IN THOUGHT / THINK ON (blog)

Travis, keep it as it is. I thought it was very cleverly worded. Only think I'd change is the last line, too many syllables.
Good work

Graham

Comment is about A PENNY / LOST IN THOUGHT / THINK ON (blog)

Not sure myself Colin, really. I kind of know what i'm aiming at but i realise i haven't nailed it. It's a bit messy because it reflects the uncertainty i feel about things at the moment. Written, and posted, in haste, perhaps. Still, thanks for having a look. I'll work on it.

Comment is about A PENNY / LOST IN THOUGHT / THINK ON (blog)

Stef! Where did it all go wrong lol!
The line that did it for me was....

"Southern Comfort sodden Saturday night/Sunday morning".

Great insight into the past, good work.

Graham

Comment is about 9teen6ties pill popping pussy hunter (blog)

ooh Trav, not sure what to think... there's lots of thinks to think about... but also some good lines too... I'm flotsam on a wave... starched in every fold... x

Comment is about A PENNY / LOST IN THOUGHT / THINK ON (blog)

Hi Crystal, I don't mind the effing and blinding and it's good to clear the head but once the rant is over that's the time to make some changes and add the magic to your words. Good luck, we're all in the same boat. x

Comment is about Fuck You (blog)

Original item by Spoken_Thoughts

" All this new, democratic, internet stuff is like launching little candle boats of poetic endeavour out on to the Ganges of universal criticism – I love it. "

Wow! Sums it up perfectly for me. I love it too :)

"The Manner of Her Going" - 44 words (if I counted correctly) creating a million explosions in my tiny head. That's what I call poetry.

Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

Sorry about your wife, Harry :(

Very interesting re Traynor's story, will read more about him this evening.

So pleased to read you enjoyed the poems :) I will let Eileen know when I see her later today. She has worked so hard to bring this about and will be delighted when I tell her about your comment here.

Thank you.

Comment is about Remembering the Lancashire Fusiliers at Gallipoli readings in Bury and Rochdale (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Chris,
How sad to hear of the death of Glenys. You are absolutely right to tell of the enormous amount she gave to the poetry scene. I have many happy memories of the events she compered with yourself an Natalie at the various locations. Her dedication (despite her poor health) was a shining example to us all.

We will be attending the funeral.

Comment is about Glenys Feeney: north-west poet and compere 'with sparkling wit' (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Glenys was a smasher - lovely warmth, appreciation of others and sense of mischief. The interplay between herself and the poets was a joy. The time she was carried up the stairs at Gallaghers, too unwell to climb them herself, was unforgettable. Queen of the evening.

Comment is about Glenys Feeney: north-west poet and compere 'with sparkling wit' (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Those excellent Gallopoli poems that this has
attracted reminded me strongly of the story
of a paralysed Gallipoli veteran that was told
to me some years ago.

I became very interested in the landings when -
during a pilgrimage to Lourdes with my seriously
ill young wife - I was told by a lady helper of the
sick that - as a girl - she used to see an ex soldier,
who was wounded at Gallipoli, sitting, paralysed
in a wheelchair, outside his house with a leather
`pack` on his head.

This man, after being previously wounded before
at Antwerp, had recovered and taken part in the
landing at V. beach at Sed-el Bahr. Some days later
during a charge he was hit by a spray of bullets some
of which lodged under his arm, paralysing it. He was
invalided home, and operated on a number of times
for both the arm, and (because epilepsy had set in)
for the previous head wound suffered at Antwerp.

Eventually he was one hundred per cent pensioned
off as incurable and left to spend his days sat outside
his home in the wheelchair with a leather -covered
metal plate on his head protecting a hole left in his
skull by the operation for the head-wound....It was
there that the lady helper (as a young girl) had often
seen him sitting.

The point of all this is that, after spending six years in
this condition, the veteran (Jack Traynor) got himself
to Lourdes, was cured, and became a fit working man.

Traynors own reported account of his cure can be read
on the internet under the title `I met a miracle`. And
also (I assume) In the records of the local Liverpool
newspapers of that time ( JULY 1923)

Sir John de Robeck`s `Gallipol landings Despatch`
is by far the most vivid account of the landings at
the Cape Hellas beaches.

My young wife died the following year.

Comment is about Remembering the Lancashire Fusiliers at Gallipoli readings in Bury and Rochdale (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Alexandra, this is a mature piece with some exceptional words.
Podium of my corpse

Steel eyes which steal my thoughts

(this is excellent but I think the previous steel in boots should be changed).

Good work indeed.

Comment is about When I lie. (blog)

Original item by Alexandra K. Parapadakis

Thank you! x

Comment is about Louder Than Words (blog)

Original item by CathyLCrabb

I heard you! Well done.

Comment is about Charley Genever (poet profile)

Original item by Charley Genever

Hi Russ

Thank you for your comment on A&E. Chuffed that you felt it.

Comment is about Russ Litten (poet profile)

Original item by Russ Litten

Hello Martin

Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment on Concrete Eyes. Much appreciated and glad you enjoyed it.

Comment is about Martin Elder (poet profile)

Original item by Martin Elder

Ta Steve. Sad but true tale of the breakup of a friend's marriage. x

Comment is about steve pottinger (poet profile)

Original item by steve pottinger

I love a well-constructed rant, and that is a *wonderfully* constructed rant. Made me chuckle and nod in recognition. Nice one, Ian!

Comment is about Something To Say (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

"Smiles become all languages."
What a beautiful line!
A poem to read and re-read. Thanks.

Comment is about Is this what borders do? (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

This poem ticks my boxes. I like it!

Comment is about coppery lunch (blog)

Original item by jeremy young

This is superb Lynn . The metaphor's used and the picture captured is marvellous.

Comment is about Concrete Eyes (blog)

This is another good poem Tommy. I love the opening lines in particular. Nice one

Comment is about Is this what borders do? (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Hello Mrs Hamilton

Thank you for reading and for your kind words. I've put a few more up this evening.

Comment is about It Is What It Is (blog)

Original item by Russ Litten

Thanks Harry :) your comment is appreciated and welcome. Tommy

Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

Cheers Graham, Mike Harry. I always appreciate comments, though ofttimes I forget to respond. Cheers Tommy

Comment is about Is this what borders do? (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Hello Mr Litten

I have just read through all your work and enjoyed every single word. You have pure talent. Look forward to reading more.

Comment is about It Is What It Is (blog)

Original item by Russ Litten

Steve,as they say,you are as old as the woman you feel!
ooer missis! Harry perhaps JC is having a long lie in.Who could blame him after all miracle working,walking on wild water and lugging a bloomin great cross up a hillside.Not to mention taking orders from five thousand people at once to make sure they all liked bread and fish.Tough titties if they didn't! xx

Comment is about Wearer of shit tinted glasses (blog)

Thank you as always Harry, they literally were tumbling. My favourite was the "tinny cluck" of the pheasants.

Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

You're very kind Cynthia, thank you. I'm going to London in June to visit the person i'm addressing in the poem - wish me luck.

Comment is about UP FOM LONDON. (blog)

...and, indeed, MC that was what it was.

Comment is about BORDERS (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Stef,
A nice `what was it all about Alfie` one.

Most of our ageing population (including me) are now begininng to feel like this and wisely clinging to one or other of those thousands years old answers ( I mean surely by now someone should have come down to give us some sort of an indication?)

Comment is about Wearer of shit tinted glasses (blog)

Nat,
I like the way this sticks to the metaphor.

Comment is about Reravelling (blog)

Tommy,
This got me wondering if the historical usurping of poetry as the supreme art form by the novel is the reason why this type of suggestive, clue-larded, minimal, novella
type poems seem to win so many poetry competitions these days.

(I like the D.I.Y. element in this)

Comment is about Is this what borders do? (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Corr,
this seems to me to be one of those poems which wonders around in the land of no-whereness, no-whyness
or no-whoness, but never seems to ask itself why we should expect a where, a why, or a who.

After all, if that`s the situation - what are we worried about?

It seems too easy to just state the situation without some
enquiry as to why it is thus.

After the foregoing that last line doesn`t read real.

Comment is about What if this is all real? (blog)

Original item by Corr Lens

many thanks for your kind comments on 'in the halls of the kingmaker' Harry - apologies that it's taken a while for me to thank you - been away from WOL for a little while. I appreciate you commenting
Ian

Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

many thanks for your kind comments on 'in the halls of the kingmaker' Jackie - apologies that it's taken a while for me to thank you - been away from WOL for a little while. I appreciate you commenting
Ian

Comment is about Jacqueline Phillips (poet profile)

Original item by Jacqueline Phillips

many thanks for your kind comments on 'in the halls of the kingmaker' John - apologies that it's taken a while for me to thank you - been away from WOL for a little while. I appreciate you commenting
Ian

Comment is about wrestledwithjimmy (poet profile)

Original item by wrestledwithjimmy