Poetry Blog by Shehariah
Nicola Beckett on What of Us (Mon, 21 Sep 2020 05:33 am)
Poems hub on What of Us (Mon, 21 Sep 2020 03:32 am)
There’s only so much
So much that I can take
Before I buckle
Beneath this crushing weight
There’s only so much
So much that I can bear
Before my knees give way
Before my spirit breaks
I am not a perfect man
I can not fulfill your desires
I am not undefeatable
I can not withstand any more
I set my face like flint
Against this enemy
Of my soul
Wednesday 7th October 2020 11:14 pm
Unbalanced on the waves at sea
Tossing and turning
I’ve lost all my bearings
For one moment I turned my head away
Just long enough for you
To push me over board
In these waters
In these cold and suffocating waves
I will meet my final test
Will I go under
Will I go under
I will not
I put the knife to my throat
Better a quick and pain...
Wednesday 7th October 2020 11:03 pm
My heart is in hiding, wounded and bleeding.
Anger’s anesthesia is wearing off
and I can only get so numb,
but it’s never numb enough.
I cannot retreat far enough
into my dark comforter’s lifeless arms.
They no longer hold me like they once did,
no longer embrace me in the safety of shadows.
My lovers surround me
and gaze at me with cold, empty eyes.
Tuesday 22nd September 2020 4:52 am
You always took me places I didn’t want to go,
yet still I followed
though I held in my hand the key to my shackles.
You kept me in an unlocked cage,
yet I refused to walk out into freedom,
though I couldn’t be contained.
You kept my mind shrouded in darkness,
yet there was light all around me
and I had but only to open my eyes to see it.
You convinced me with decep...
Monday 21st September 2020 2:14 am
On lighter feet and with brighter eyes
we have set out on this journey.
With heads held higher and shoulders back
we turn our faces toward the dawn.
The song in our hearts carries on the wind
as our voices sing out our anthem –
life over death and hope in our chests,
what was broken is bound and set right again.
We carry no misconceptions.
Our minds are far from naïve....
Sunday 13th September 2020 1:58 am
The tension is building between what was and what is,
and I am in the middle,
arms and legs tied and outstretched.
I feel the darkness drawing me back in,
and I find in me the desire to be consumed
in that darkness.
Oh, how quickly the light fades
when my eyes are turned away from the sun.
And why do I welcome the blindness,
that sinister guide into destruction?
Monday 7th September 2020 1:52 am
Echoes in the dark whisper to me,
gently calling me back to a time and place
that I sorely wish to forget,
but are indelibly etched into my memories
like carvings of a blade in the skin.
The soft and soothing siren song of those echoes
is now to me the dirge of a man who is no more,
the woeful wailings of a life swallowed by death.
These whispers are carried on the wind
Monday 7th September 2020 1:48 am
Listless and wanting more.
What the hell am I fighting for?
But I’ve got to keep swinging.
While there’s still fight in me.
Aimless, I’m a vagabond.
But I’ve got to keep moving on.
There is no place for me here.
I’ve got to get going, my dear.
And onward I go.
Be it fast or be it slow.
If I stay here any longer
I’m bound to fuck it all up again.
So I’ll put one foot
Saturday 29th August 2020 8:19 pm
What do you see when you look at me?
Who is it that you think I am?
I don’t even know, so please tell me.
I have worn these masks for so long
that I have forgotten myself.
There is a stranger in the mirror
looking back with hollow eyes.
I don’t recognize him,
and he doesn’t acknowledge me.
I will be who you want me to be.
I will play my part if you give me the li...
Friday 21st August 2020 3:54 am
You walk around so proudly,
whitewashed and pristine,
plastic smile painted on,
and eyes so very empty.
Who is it that you think you’re fooling,
except the blind you lead along
as if by a leash?
You wear your mask
without any flaws,
fitted so tightly against your face,
but what lies below that porcelain surface?
Is it not a dead man’s bones,
rotten with decay?...
Thursday 20th August 2020 3:25 am
My mind is racing again
and I can feel the knot in my stomach
tighten as I tread water
in this endless ocean.
The waves are crashing
over me relentlessly.
Panic has set in
and is holding fast.
Its grip like a vice
is clenched on my lungs.
My thoughts race in every direction
like bees swarming
when the hive is burst open violently.
I don’t know how much longer...
Tuesday 18th August 2020 8:00 pm
Where did my heart go, my love?
And where does yours now hide?
Remember the brighter days
as fleeting as they were.
But there was love and laughter.
Before darkness crept in
and poisoned us with its sting,
there was the glimmer of light
that shone within us.
But how enveloping was that darkness,
and how thoroughly it sought to destroy us.
What places it took u...
Friday 14th August 2020 3:51 am
As surely as I stand before you
I am also quite vacant.
I feel so empty inside,
like a man whose entrails
have spilled to the floor.
Where there was a once beating heart
there is now only a hole.
Where once there were lungs
to breathe the air of freedom,
now there are only cavities.
Breath is stolen away.
Life has long since ebbed from me.
My body is hu...
Monday 10th August 2020 5:45 am
I surrender my arms.
I’m tired of fighting you.
You’ll always have the higher ground.
I am powerless, insignificant,
against your superiority.
You always win.
You’ve always won.
I have no defense.
I have no hope
for coming out of this alive.
I come crawling back
on my knees to let you in.
you kick me when I’m down.
You’d think in time
that I’d ...
Sunday 9th August 2020 10:47 pm
I’m afraid that I am not enough,
inadequate, lacking, measured and left wanting.
The scales upon which I have stood
are not weighted in my favor,
but are tipped toward insufficiency.
And what if these things are true?
What does that make of me?
Where then is my worth,
and what is my valuation,
if not in what I am able to provide?
What of my life, wasted and squander...
Saturday 8th August 2020 4:42 am
I can not comprehend you.
Like an insect contemplating the vastness
of time and space,
or a speck of dust the calculations of thought,
I am so small, and my mind so chronically finite,
that I can’t begin to fathom the substance
of your being
or the framework of your mind.
How could I seek you out
and where is it that you make your abode?
If I call up to the heaven...
Wednesday 5th August 2020 5:19 am
Seeing yet unseeing,
I have passed through this world
as a blind man -
so sure of my way,
yet so clumsy of foot.
Do not take me by the hand.
I do not need your help.
I am led along
by the whisperings in my head.
Not knowing that the path before me
would lead only to my destruction,
I trudged on.
And on and on and on.
Do not tell me the way to go...
Sunday 2nd August 2020 6:00 am
I’m behind the wheel again
and the brakes have gone out.
I have no control of this life I’m living.
With the wheel in my hand
I can but hope for the best
as I’m pumping the pedal
hoping for a miracle.
Get out of the way!
Can’t you see what’s happening?
Panic stricken and wild eyed
I search for a way out,
for any place of safety,
but there are no vacancies....
Thursday 30th July 2020 7:20 pm
When your words like spears pierce my side
and your knife finds the chinks in my armor,
what of this blood that spills to the floor?
Does it matter not to you?
I know that your heart beats within your chest,
and it feels, but does it feel the pain rendered to mine?
Do you notice the paler look in my eyes
and the gasping of my breath?
But today I will not fight you.
Wednesday 29th July 2020 5:18 am
Brief, passing, unnoticed
are all the moments
in all my days.
Do I pause in observation?
Do I see the value
in each and every opportunity,
the hidden potential
within each passing second?
Or do I squander them
on selfish pursuit
and meaningless activity?
If each moment was gold
would I store them safely away?
More often than not
I have cast them away
Monday 27th July 2020 2:34 am
When I am God the world is bleak.
My divinity spent on destruction and decay.
When I am God the world is small.
I am the center of gravitational pull.
When I am God watch out for my vengeance.
Sitting high on a throne
built of refuse and broken things
I survey my universe with disdain
and cast down such decrees
that all are guilty,
and I am the king of guil...
Monday 27th July 2020 2:13 am
With our bows drawn back
and our eyes unblinking,
we stand before the darkness,
our torches lighting up the night.
Every one of us bears scars of the past.
Our wills were broken,
our hearts torn out.
We faced down death
and didn’t come out alive.
We drank the dregs of sorrow
and have known
the bitterness of defeat.
But today we stand unflinching,
our gazes lo...
Saturday 25th July 2020 4:56 am
With sweet and empty promises
I was drawn into your torments.
The carrot dangled perpetually before my face
and I ran, and I ran, and I ran to catch it,
not knowing that with every step I took
I was heading deeper and deeper
into your black mouth
to sink into your belly,
as you devoured me whole.
How willingly I was consumed,
and with great abandon
did I cast myself headlong into y...
Thursday 23rd July 2020 5:39 am
I’m always consuming, but it’s never enough
to fill my ever-empty belly.
And there is scarce enough to quaff
to quench this insatiable thirst.
I have lived too long on breadcrumbs
and stagnant water,
so long that I have forgotten the taste
of finer foods and refreshing drink.
I am driven by my belly,
always growling, always unsatisfied,
and not in the least quelled or...
Tuesday 21st July 2020 2:53 pm
I can’t breathe.
All this weight
is crushing my chest.
My arms are bound.
My face is under water.
My lungs are burning.
My mind is racing.
The panic sets in
and I want to scream,
but my mouth is gagged
and my nose pinched shut.
I’m all alone
here in this darkness.
My time is running short.
I can feel consciousness
I fight to stay alive
but my effort’s in vai...
Monday 20th July 2020 4:01 am
You ate away at my insides like a cancer
devouring my joy and laughter.
This ulcerous hole in my gut, your home.
My regrets were never far from your lips
as you whispered them in my ears,
barely audible, but felt.
I cannot change what I have done,
cannot undo what is past,
but the weight of it,
and the weight of your words
brought my soul down to the pit.
How many times
have you ...
Sunday 19th July 2020 6:08 am
Your footsteps have taken you further
than you ever wanted to go.
So far away from where you called home.
You traveled through the darkest of nights
fumbling and crawling in fear.
You walked under the shadow of death
certain that you would never again see the light of day.
You ran, and you ran, and you ran,
but could never seem to run fast enough
to escape everything tha...
Saturday 18th July 2020 5:10 am
If I don’t wake up, let me sleep.
If I never wake again. let me slumber.
So lay this body to rest
and put me in the ground,
because death is the only comfort I’ve known.
If tonight I breathe my last,
let me be remembered not for who I was
but for all I could have been.
And if the reaper comes to take me away,
I will put up no fight.
I will go willingly.
If this bro...
Friday 17th July 2020 3:33 am
Life weighs heavy on me like the gravity of a dying star,
its hand burdensome upon my soul, crushing.
What relief is there from this constant pressing?
What escape from the excessive demand of my wit and my will?
I am weary beneath this yoke.
How brief is my respite from this striving,
and long are the days that exhaust my ambition.
How driven are the oxen as they plow
Friday 17th July 2020 3:32 am
This is me saying goodbye.
Though we have been close, I will not miss you.
Though you have been my faithful and constant companion,
I will not look back one last time
to look upon your face for remembrance.
The scars inflicted upon my soul are remembrance enough.
You were once a dear friend to me.
I gave you my all, and you took it all.
You convinced me that I needed you,...
Friday 17th July 2020 3:31 am
Oh, Dark Comforter,
I’ve come home to you again
to be held once more in your embrace.
And with what pity you hold me
as you whisper in my ear
the shameful things that keep me close
and coming back to you.
You have been my closest friend,
blanketing me with your love,
so heavy, so familiar.
And as I lay weeping there in your arms
you swallow my tears,
and give me...
Friday 17th July 2020 3:29 am
I can feel the gnawing in my gut again,
that anxious roiling that keeps me awake.
Knots and tangles like snakes,
slithering in the pit of my belly,
consume my attention and steal my thoughts.
What peace is there in this roiling?
What comfort is there in such conflict?
My sleep is stolen away
and my eyes find no rest.
My soul aches in turmoil.
Oh, this banging...
Friday 17th July 2020 3:27 am
Weary, worn, and listless my soul carries through each day
like a waif searching for a place to rest.
Melancholy wraps about me like a warm jacket
keeping the cold at bay,
and indifference covers my head like a shroud.
I see the bodies bustling all around me
and I hear the shuffling of their feet,
but to them I am a ghost passing through their world,
Friday 17th July 2020 3:25 am
The storm clouds have passed over
and the wreckage is strewn about
the now calmer sea
like so much flotsam and jetsam.
So are the remains of yesterday
and what could have been,
now debris littering the shoreline
in the wake of a tempest,
now gone and forgotten by the world,
but not by the ship and its captain.
Gone is the hull and torn are the sails.
Friday 17th July 2020 3:24 am
What madness, what madness, what madness
Has befallen me
once I opened my mouth to drink you in.
My sanity like an avalanche has come crashing
down the mountainside
leaving such brokenness in its wake.
And I, crippled by your ways,
am left behind to clean up the shattered pieces.
You embraced me so tightly
with unfeeling and uncaring arms,
promising to keep me clo...
Friday 17th July 2020 3:23 am
Today I feel a stranger in my own skin.
Plunged backward into an old, familiar feeling.
Trapped inside my body, I’m not in control.
This nightmare has returned home again
to the comfort of the darker places of my mind,
where a shroud hangs over my eyes
and my heart is drowned in sticky blackness.
Today I do not know where I’ve gone.
Retreated to the recesses of that...
Thursday 16th July 2020 4:22 am
I’m floating on the surface of the sea.
The waves and winds they carry me
further from the shore of my security.
Out here drifting on my own
not knowing where the tides will take me,
I’m finding peace in the overwhelming fear.
What of the unknown?
It’s not my place to find it out,
to turn my mind inside out with anxiety
over what I am unable to control.
Thursday 16th July 2020 4:18 am