Am I Enough?

I’m afraid that I am not enough,

inadequate, lacking, measured and left wanting.  

The scales upon which I have stood

are not weighted in my favor,

but are tipped toward insufficiency.

And what if these things are true?

What does that make of me?

Where then is my worth,

and what is my valuation,

if not in what I am able to provide?

What of my life, wasted and squandered

on the pursuit of acceptance and love?

Am I not worthy?

What is the standard by which I am meted?

And what of the debt that I can never repay?

Am I always to be in bondage to my creditors?

Am I no more than a slave 

traded by master to master

with no freedom in my hands, but only shackles,

and no voice to speak up for myself?

But what would I say?

What words could I come up with

to plead the case on my behalf?

I feel so powerless and meager,

so weak and helpless against so great a foe. 

You say I am a warrior,

but where is the strength of my heart?

My fears have kept me so small,

and my eyes so blind to the truth.  

My enemies have towered over me,

oppressing me by their shadows,

and keeping me in their merciless grips.  

What hope have I to stand against

such overpowering adversaries?

But if these lies are but shades over the light,

and this oppression a ruse for me to believe,

then what can be said of the truth?

Is it there in the light waiting to be discovered,

obstructed by hands casting shadow figures?

Do I have the courage to look?

Can I be brave enough to stand up

to those who would keep me broken and pitiful?

What do you say of me

and how do I believe it to be true?

What will it take to make my heart believe again,

for my eyes to see anew 

and gaze upon your reality?

Where is the door that I may go free,

and where is the path that I may find my way?

Will you take me by the hand?

Will your voice be my guide? 

Will you make my ears to hear you?

Will you speak with words that I can understand?

Will you tell me that you love me

and that I am worth fighting for?

Can I believe what you say?

Will you show me the way?

I have held myself to the old course too long. 

It’s time to find my own road.  

I have been ill defined 

and have sold myself to that description

so that I have become what it prescribed. 

But what do you say of me?

Who am I really, for I do not know. 

I have dwelt so long in death’s womb

and I am just now breathing air.  

Here is my hand reaching out to you. 

Here is my broken life, there are pieces missing. 

Here is my withered heart. 

Will you nurse it back to health?

Here is my frailty, the summation of all I can give. 

Will you accept my offering?

I have nothing more of value, nothing more of worth

than this shattered life.  

◄ Son

You Win ►

Comments

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Shehariah

Tue 11th Aug 2020 05:17

Hallielle, thank you for the like as well. 😊

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Shehariah

Sun 9th Aug 2020 02:32

Jordyn, thank you for the like.

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Shehariah

Sun 9th Aug 2020 02:05

Paul, I’ve been working on that. I grew up in the church being told what and how I had to believe. I’m finding things out on my own. I prayed years ago that my faith would be authentic and I believe God would have it that way.

I’m running ahead trying to catch up with you.

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Paul Sayer

Sat 8th Aug 2020 22:56

Follow me I'm right behind you.

When prayers are not enough
When platitudes all you receive
When ‘your’ faith is all you believe
Perhaps, perhaps it’s time to leave

Seek out new sources of strength
That will support you at any lengths
Short fallings are building blocks
To show yourself that ‘YOU ROCK!’


Paul

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Shehariah

Sat 8th Aug 2020 14:34

I’m in A.A. and one of the things my sponsor always encourages me to do is to write out what I am feeling. While this is a brand new practice for me, I am finding that it gives me relief and helps me deal with the emotions I am experiencing.

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Shehariah

Sat 8th Aug 2020 14:12

Thank you, Bluesky. 😊

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