Satire (Remove filter)
Bungalow Dreaming
I’ve got my eye on a bungalow
now I’m ageing fast and living slow
not much to do, nowhere to go
A remote-controlled garage door
An en-suite on the ground floor
These are the things I’m looking for
My rosy afterglow
I’ve got my eye on a bungalow
Where I can unwind, go with the flow
Touch the roof it’s only low
A resin drive that’s easy to clean
No moss, no weed...
Sunday 28th April 2024 9:49 am
The Eternal Flame
Two stones banged together
To create a misplaced spark
Forget about the weather
Never mind the dark
Harnessing that fire
Gave Neanderthals a thrill
They could build a funeral pyre
And keep out the Ice Age chill
Down countless generations
The flame remained intact
As in various locations
Wood was splintered, split and stacked
By Maasai on the Kenyan Plains
In Uluru’s mystic glow
...
Wednesday 17th April 2024 7:11 pm
Sleeping with Alexa
Sleeping with Alexa
Got a new girl in the metaverse
It’s impossible to hate her
Although her repartee is terse
And she’s harvesting my data
Her presence is immersive
She’s made my life complete
Her motives are subversive
She’s got no hands or feet
She’s a disembodied avatar
Who tells me all I need to know
From how to drive a driverless car
What to...
Sunday 25th February 2024 12:24 pm
Tough on Rhyme
We’re locking up the poets
And throwing them in cells
They’re dissidents and show it
Via odes and villanelles
Collected incantations
Against the status quo
Acerbic observations
Couplets in full flow
We’re exiling the muses
To be banished somewhere grim
With Terza Rima that confuses
And volumes that are slim
Wokey right-on anarchists
Who kid...
Friday 16th February 2024 2:09 pm
If Dogs Were Made World Leaders
If dogs were made world leaders
There would be no futile wars
And laws and treaties would be signed
With inky prints of paws
Chihuahuas and Alsatians
Would respect each other’s space
There’d be no United Nations
Just a favourite sniffing place
Summit sessions would be held
In playing fields or parks
With flashing collars de rigeur
For meetings after dar...
Thursday 8th February 2024 6:58 pm
Three Short Words
We needed Nelson Mandela
They gave us Elizabeth Truss
A crushing disappointment for all the rest of us
We needed Mahatma Gandhi
They gave us Elizabeth Truss
Which was seriously worrying
When her judgement is so sus
We needed Angela Merkel
They gave us Elizabeth Truss
Stick a three-word slogan on a big red bus
Liz our Healer, our Leader our Giver
Chosen to Deliver...
Thursday 1st February 2024 12:35 pm
Parish Councillor
Parish Councillor (after Betjeman)
I am a Parish Councillor; no job’s too small for me
From facilitating Bonfire Night to lighting up the tree
In every avenue and byway of our village small and neat
You’ll find me surveying the highway and examining the street.
Who’s that? people say as I stride along the lanes
Frowning, nodding, peering down to investigate the drains
...Thursday 25th January 2024 4:03 pm
They Sent Santa to Rwanda
Breaking News ...
They sent Santa to Rwanda
He didn’t want to go
The reindeer got deported too
That’s the last they’ll see of snow
In attempting to circumvent border control
It was deemed an illegal immigration
Caught in the lights of the aerial patrol
With no proof of destination
Now he’s in a detention place
The subject of arrest
They’ve digitised (and 3D ...
Sunday 24th December 2023 11:51 pm
Red stilettos on the bowling green
This is for my dear sister Carole, whom we lost on Monday. She was a member of a very traditional and, dare I say it, quite mysoginistic suburban tennis and bowling club. She played neither, but was by far the best actor in the amateur dramatics section, which sadly folded years ago. She was a brilliant and inspirational primary school teacher, who loved telling stories, especially in verse. She a...
Wednesday 20th December 2023 2:45 pm
The Tough Gig
The invitation came from an anonymous source
With a hint of menace in a note of force
A resolution has been passed
By our High Command
For festive entertainment we want your band
This is not optional, there’s no way out
We’re ready and waiting so don’t hang about
Be at the Village Hall on the Thirteenth of December
And prepare to deliver an event to remember
There’ll be...
Thursday 14th December 2023 9:32 am
Once upon a time in a vest
There’s a shoot-out on the bowling green
The pianola’s full of holes
The Man with No Name’s
Got a Zimmer frame
And a tray of sausage rolls
He’s a High Plains drifter
Not from round here
The strong and silent type
Got a dance partner, can’t lift her
They practice moves on Skype
At the monthly hoedown
At the nursing home
He wears a felt ten-gallon hat
It’s ...
Wednesday 22nd November 2023 6:19 pm
Somewhere close to Westminster Bridge, October 2023, lines written on hearing of a new presenter on GB News.
Earth has not anything to show more shit
Mad would she be of soul who could watch it
A sight so tragic, such a travesty
This chancer now doth, like a varmint wear
The mask of a presenter, barefaced stare
Scandal, pandemic, the litany of lies
Indifferent, callous, let bodies pile high
Wittering trivia to the poisoned air
Never did one so manifestly seep
Self important ...
Saturday 28th October 2023 9:10 am
DIY Man
There’s a Viking Warrior around the back
With a multi-tool and a Power Pack
Keeps nuts and bolts in a padlocked sack
He’s a DIY Man, he’s building a shack
With his manic ScrewFix lust
He’ll transform that hedge into dust
It makes no odds, he’s not fussed
He’s a DIY Man, born to rust
He wears a John Deere branded shirt
Recharges himself when he feels inert
Wa...
Tuesday 24th October 2023 11:03 pm
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