Poetry Blogs (2018, addiction)

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Casino dreams

entry picture

 

 Casino dreams
Maybe today Ill see the reason why
 I sit at this machine hoping to be amused
 like free spins will pay out
 and only to lose
I swear this casino 
has only brought me to the deep end
So quick to say fuck it,
and what i would have never pursed
why cant i just refuse?
My mind is too gone, its all been consumed
Broken, bitter and used 
Sell us dreams, 
and we sell you...

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addictioncasinoGambling

Pulling The Snagged Thread.

Rip off the band-aid, get it over with
I never thought it would come to this
Clear mind, clear eyes
Walking straight, no more lies

Don't rely on me and I won't let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown

These feelings are getting harder to fight myself
Pulling teeth to admit I need some help
It's cutting deep on the webbings ...

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addictionalcoholismanswersanxietydepressionlostloveSnaggedthread

A reflection:

As I continue to reflect on our relationship, both the good along with all the troubles,  I find myself to be more and more at peace with my actions and role our relationship.  What I continue to take away is that you cannot change someone.  It is impossible.  However, what is, is the possibility to always change yourself, and hopefully change how others see themselves, others, and see a different...

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addictiondon't hate yourselfhatehopei love youi will always love lovelovelove poetrynew leafreflectionself love

The Denial of an Ageing Disgrace

Where's the fucking rizlas man?
I just need a fucking smoke
to take the edge of
starting with just one almighty toke
this week's been shit. I have to say
today's been much the same
let's smoke 'til I can't see her face
and can't recall their names
she said that I'm an addict yeah
what does she fucking know?
A few pills every weekend
and a little bit of blow
a spliff for breakfast every...

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abuseaddictionalcoholAngerdenialDrugsparentparenthoodparentingpoempoetryworking class

I Don't Even Know

I don't know.. my life seems out of my control... It's no longer mine it's in the hands of those around me and the governing forces that keep me in line.. I just don't know.. it feels so weird to be sober.... So... Weird... Its not normal for me to fall asleep in a natural way. It almost feels unnatural.. my addiction has become the ruling figure in my life not my emotions,love or financial stabil...

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addictioninternal strugglereal life

Envision this You have lived in a buried dark pit your whole life

Or at least since you can remember

All you have ever known is the feeling of helplessness

And misery

There is no way out but up

Which you are not even sure there is a peak

You try to climb

But gravity swallows you whole

And spits you out at the bottom of your inferno

Screaming, even though you are unsure ...

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addictiondepressionsadspilled inkthe pit

Family Tree

I'm afraid to have kids
What if they get my depression
Or addiction
Or fucking alcoholism?
What am I supposed to say to them?

"Sorry kiddo,
Suck it up.
You'll soon find out,
Life just fucking sucks"

It's just not fair
To pass on an ongoing burden
To watch my kid suffer
Knowing that I can't relieve them

They're supposed to be protected
But I can't save them from themself
It just kill...

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addictiondepressionFamilyfatheroffspringtree

Shopping Addiction

Shopping for thing's you dont need

spending all your money just to feed

your addiction

You just got paid and that same day it's gone

the cooperations fool you they're one big con

Special offers things on sale 

is their away to escape this jail?

They items you buy make you happy for a while

the obession and thrill of buying makes you smile

whether it's tops, bags, or shoe...

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addictiongamblingshopping

Tiny Round Friends.

It's been a while since I've written
It may be 'cause it's been a while
Since I've really felt anything at all

One little white pill
"It'll take all the pain away"
But the dealer never told me
My new friend was here to stay
So before you say yes
There's something I need to say

You'll lie awake wishing for pain
At least then you'll feel something
But it'll never fucking come
Because you...

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addictionfriendsnumbpillsroundTiny

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