Who said drainage was boring?
mains and laterals neatly planned
herringbone pattern or even fanned
salt-glazed carriers carrying shit
simple land drains topped with grit
clay tiles in the farmer’s soil
sometimes flexi wavy coil
porous concrete or perforated
the flow of water calculated
twin wall pipes, long radius bends
junctions, our useful friends
rodding eyes, a socket plug
open drains, just shallow dug
Monday 24th January 2022 5:40 pm
My Un-favourite Things
fish and chip papers and stained smelly sweaters
dirty used condoms, the posh man’s French letters
fresh fast food cartons and old condom packets
discarded pizzas and broken squash racquets
matches, match boxes and cigarette butts,
oodles of noodles from someone’s spilt guts
ring pulls and beer cans, sharp broken glass
empty pill sachets and a lost covid mask
unwanted penni...
Friday 20th November 2020 2:13 pm
Simply ABC
a
baker
created
dubious
egg-tarts
for
gregarious
hotheads
I
joked
knowingly
lesser
mortals
never
openly
proffered
quality
reasonably
so
taking
umbrage
vicious
Wiganers
x-boxed
yokels
zealously
Sunday 14th July 2019 2:14 pm
Look What They’ve Done to My Town Ma (Homage or apology to Melanie Safka)
Look what they’ve done to my town Ma.
Look what they’ve done to my town Ma.
Well they’ve dressed it up as a high street store
And now it wears a frown Ma.
Look what they’ve done to my town.
Why did they steal our past days Ma?
Why did they steal our past days Ma?
Well they put it to a public vote
But the votes were soon erased Ma.
Why did they steal our past days?
...Saturday 13th July 2019 4:34 pm
Garden Sin City
In 'pound' emporiums
and slightly more
upgraded enterprises
there can be found
all manner of
garden embellishment
here in garden sin city
price palpably
provokes purchasers
to lose all respect
to lose all taste
where thrift is queen
here punters peruse
plentiful unsavoury
gaudy garden gimmicks
crude plastic knick-knacks
pretending t...
Friday 17th August 2018 12:08 pm
Flowers for Grandma
the customary 2-up-2-down
was ample habitat
for four adults and me
mam and dad and grandma
and my uncle Jim
and a radio and archaic TV
tiny house and living room
but quite adequate
and never limited to the child
who was odd and unusual
but imaginative
and given the freedom to run wild
the light bulb took precedent
we never changed it
in the six y...
Wednesday 15th August 2018 10:51 am
Wigan's Diversity
An ambiguous, aristocratic, Albanian albino-acrobatic-artist ambled aimlessly along Amberswood, apparently aggravated, albeit assertive and asking awkwardly about accumulating anaerobic activity adjacent active anthills around acutely acidic areas; but behold - beautiful, brassy, bohemian, Bickershaw-Brazilian, Beatrice blabbered bountiful bunkum, boldly bickering, beckoning bystanders, besides be...
Friday 10th August 2018 12:49 pm
'Apostrophe's'
I was absolutely furious
the other day
when I realised that
someone
had nicked my apostrophe
but the worse crime
was committed
by the person who returned it
and
put it back in the wrong place!!!
Wednesday 11th July 2018 1:28 pm
Southport line IV: 1971 (Easter outing to Southport from Wigan Wallgate Station)
(Note: this is the fourth in a series of personal relections of Wigan's 'Southport' railway line - all are in chronological order. This offering eandeavours to capture the constant rythm of the train along the rail tracks)
down on the platform
waiting for trains
five hundred youngsters
anxious for games
girls in their minis
boys in their flairs
flaunting their fashio...
Monday 9th July 2018 2:56 pm
Mickey Dalton
Mickey Dalton was quite well-known
an exceptional character of particular note
he charmed or bemused the beholder
playing the gent or acting the goat
for proverbial urination
Mickey hadn’t a pot or a bowl
but was always impeccably turned out
whenever he collected his dole
in fresh pressed suit and bowler hat
and a flower in his lapel
he marched with any cree...
Thursday 5th July 2018 1:41 pm
Remembering the River Douglas
my dad remembered
his dad remembering
his ancestors’ ‘rememberings’
of trout frolicking
in Wigan’s once
cool, clean, clear river
(you could bathe in it
and drink from it)
I remember
my enthralment
and pals’ fascination
(which I related to my brood)
that polluted interlude
when I watched
rainbow colours dancing
on the meandering
oil-slicked surfa...
Sunday 1st July 2018 2:54 pm
Gin
The current obsession with gin
worries me;
My inherent memory sparks unease
with whiffs
of 17th century Protestants
Saturday 30th June 2018 7:26 pm
The Lady at Scholes
I was nineteen and my hair almost waist length
the old lady across the road studied me at length
"why don’t you cut your hair?"
"why do you have it so long?"
she hijacked several people
pointing at me accusingly
and singing the same song
as if I’d done something wrong
but despite her being in a bit of a whirl
she seemed a very nice old girl.
Tuesday 12th June 2018 5:18 pm
The Landscape Gardener and the Chap on the Telly
Note: this is perhaps my most strictly structured work. Each stanza consists of 5 lines with the number of syllables in each line repeated throughout – a regular pattern. However, the rhyme is atypical in that the first and last lines rhyme and there is an added rhyme in the fourth line. The third line is short and quick, providing a break between the narrative in the first two and last two lines.
...Thursday 7th June 2018 5:09 pm
I Can't Paint, I can Paint
I
I can
I can't
I can't paint
I can't paint any
I can't paint anymore
I can't paint anymore seas
I can't paint anymore seascapes
I can't paint anymore seas
I can't paint anymore
I can't paint any
I can't paint
I can't
I can
I can paint
I can paint a can
I can paint a can opener
Tuesday 5th June 2018 8:10 pm
The Yellow-Bellied Idles (Homage to J. Milton Hayes)
There’s a notable bronze statue on the flats in Wigan Park,
There’s an obvious plain aftermath of harm;
And an aggravated gardener tends the vandals’ senseless lark,
While Sir Francis Powel regards it with alarm.
All the vandals in the park tend to surface after dark,
When it’s difficult to spot their yellow streak:
With grand stupor they engage in a brainless sabotage,
...Friday 1st June 2018 7:59 pm
Montrose Avenue, Wigan
Policemen sleep
albeit restlessly
Their slumber
intermittently interrupted
by boy racers
Thursday 24th May 2018 11:17 am
Wigan, twinned with Tangier
my first exploration
of Morocco
as a get-up-and-go
young man
began in Tangier
and it was here
that I witnessed more
beggars than
I’d ever seen before
in those days
the Beggar Populace
would always be
a Premiership Queen Bee
and Wigan in contrast
was a poor, poor flea
with non-league status
but today
to my dismay
and regardless of gend...
Sunday 6th May 2018 3:44 pm
Another Day in the Life (a bit further SW of Blackburn, Lancashire)
lately
I have been driving more than usual
though I’ve been
immobile
for the majority of the time
in jams
and annoying red lights
and
the green lights only allow two vehicles
through at a time
resulting
in irritation, annoyance and ultimately
boredom!
just after spying the tunnel’s distant light
and
being lulled into false vehicular liberation...
...Wednesday 2nd May 2018 6:09 pm
What if: nightmares, angst and fears
what is a dream; what is reality?
what is death; what’s on the other side?
it’s perhaps our vulnerability
our most distressing convictions
our most dreadful nightmares…
what if you die tonight?
how do we differentiate between
what is considered to be reality
and what is deemed to be a dream?
in what we assume to be the reality
is the actuality effectively a ...
Tuesday 24th April 2018 11:52 am
When God created Wiganers
when the task of creating Wiganers
appeared on the agenda for God
I like to think he made us unique
strangely peculiar rather than odd
market traders, miners, mill workers
witty, welcoming and worldly wise
with a distinctive diet consisting of
apple crumble... and humble pies
Tuesday 20th March 2018 2:21 pm
Kenny
Kenny Turton was adorable but a touch odd
he’d always volunteer to sing at the Boys’ Club
and was forever a peculiarly entertaining lad
devious and a romancer but never bad
a likeable lad who in the 50s i briefly knew
but was an older peer that i could relate to
much later in life i heard he’d progressed
to literary status working for the press
eventually i graspe...
Tuesday 13th March 2018 7:00 pm
Southport line III – 1969 (Blackberry Way, A Clockwork Orange, peril and the driver’s face)
i hadn’t yet read A Clockwork Orange in ‘69
but i was 15 and the same age as Alex
and my ‘Blackberry Way’
was about to become
Alex’s 5th and 9th
i hadn’t yet been introduced to Alex’s classics
but i’d become obsessed with Beat Music
and in early nineteen-sixty-nine
The Move’s Blackberry Way
topped the UK charts
i hadn’t any of Alex’s psychopathic penchants
...Sunday 25th February 2018 5:48 pm
Southport Line II – the 60s (last days of steam)
Houghton’s Lodge offered exceptional fishing
with legends of Jack the elusive monster pike
and young Wilky purportedly capturing a record perch
while neighbouring trains entertained between each strike
fishing was never a personal enchantment
but the nature and camaraderie proved paramount
and angling often merged with casual train-spotting
fish to catch and steam trains...
Sunday 25th February 2018 5:19 pm
Southport Line I – mid 50s to early 60s (childhood)
forever the daydreamer
since the dawn
of my being
daydreams presided
over schooling
and teachers rebuked
but never detrimental
to the dreamer
who flourished
never a dilemma
ever buoyant
never a concern
each evening
familiar daydreams
were trusted escorts
excepting night-time
when night-terrors
hijacked the dreams
a...
Thursday 8th February 2018 1:24 pm
Lord and Sharman shoe factory; Pemberton
i never liked making those soulless shoes
i never liked being constrictively enclosed
for eight hours a day
like a convicted prisoner with the blues
forced to pay his dues
but forever the masochist
i volunteered to even more daily hours of penal strife
to financially augment the restricted liberty of teenage life
blissfully after my longest four years
of oppression discr...
Saturday 3rd February 2018 6:45 pm
Karma
Les Pennington had a cracking cricket bat
and it doubled as a bazooka which was good
it wasn’t one of those cheap efforts from Woolies
it was made from good mature willow wood
he’d got it from Kay’s which was quite ironic
as they sold mainly ex-army and military bits
i never dared ask where he got the money from
but he’d bought it second-hand for 10 and 6
each mor...
Friday 26th January 2018 11:51 pm
Summer - Time
what happened to the long hot summers
of the ‘50s and ‘60s
what happened to the weather?
what happened to time slowly ticking
and school holidays
that always lasted forever?
i can guess what became of the weather
pollution, climate change
capitalism and environmental crime
but as deep as i dive into the depths of my mind
i still can’t fathom
who’s gu...
Friday 26th January 2018 11:48 pm
The fools at the end of the Pier
the fools at the end of Wigan’s pier
are progressively threatening its stability
and more alarmingly this outlandish breed
is compromising Wigan’s credibility
their once demographic insignificance
now grows like a worrying tumour
eating into Wigan’s meat-pie heart
like sinister Poe-esque dark humour
they are any and every gender
cultivated at a very early age
aff...
Friday 26th January 2018 11:05 pm
Susan
who could resist what Susan had to offer?
even though she was peculiarly odd
but what other girl from Marsh Green
would dig your garden over for ten bob?
Thursday 4th January 2018 4:21 pm
Mesnes Park; Wigan’s Jewel in the Crown
the celebrated Mesnes Park
has deservedly enjoyed much fame
and the green-less vainglorious
out of the woodwork came
to assume key roles in this popular green game
the gardeners however
disappointingly
haven’t enjoyed much of the acclaim
they are merely pawns in the game
but will always be given prominence
(when things go wrong)
as scapegoats to take the blame
Thursday 4th January 2018 11:41 am
Dust: an observation
dust
never smells sweeter
than when
heavy raindrops
hit parched concrete
Tuesday 2nd January 2018 7:39 pm
Haigh Plantations: 1860 to 2017; games, nature and Phytophthora ramorum
beneath a rich lofty canopy
lurked a sinister understory
the wolf in sheep’s clothing
the unbecoming Rhododendron
that spiteful dominatrix
in her leathery verdure
the one who abhors sweet lime
but delights in sour acidity
the one who cajoles the beholder
while her acid tongue
simultaneously poisons mother earth
her gaudy seductive blooms
disguise her treachery
and once smelled of...
Tuesday 2nd January 2018 7:30 pm
The Westwood Cooling Towers – Execution Day
that flawless diptych of minimalism
simplistic architectural precision
a colossal condiment set
an arresting landmark
once commanding respect
the sentry gateway
guarding the trodden ceremonial
pulverised-fuel-ashed path
to Westwood’s curious
and unnatural landscape
those impeccable twins who were
Wigan’s Colossi of Memnon
were sadly and rarely respected
seldom treasured
their util...
Monday 1st January 2018 4:02 pm
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