Engine full throttle

Let go of the steering wheel

And release the brake

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Every path I ever took

Led me in a direction

Often to a destination

(But not always)

I never found True North until

I stopped travelling

Paused

And noticed this place

Between what has gone before and

What is yet to come

This bitter sweet place of becoming

My own True North

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Work long hours
In a job
That you hate
Make a shedload
Of money
Spend it on stuff
You don’t need.
If that doesn’t 
Make you happy
Work longer hours
Make more money
Buy more stuff.
Do this until you are 
Too old to do it 
Any more.
If you’re still
Not happy
Then there must be
Something wrong
With you.
But I guess
You always knew that
Didn’t you.
(On behalf of the Economy
I t...

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We begin with a small balloon.We blow into it.

It becomes inflated 

With thoughts, opinions, judgements, beliefs.

With views, hopes, fears, worries.

With perspectives and dreams and all the ways in which we experience things

With all the obstacles we create and all the possibilities we allow.

We fill our balloon with problems and desires

With everything our imagination can enc...

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The Yellow Brick Road

Is turning to rubble now

Bright flowers push through.

I thought True North was

At the end of the rainbow

A warm hearth waiting.

But I find it here

In this trickling drop of rain

In this dragon fly.

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Dissolved in water

Sugar cube transcends its form

Sweetness is released

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I'm floating in this little boat I call my body

Anchored by these years I call my life

Reaching for a star I call my heart-home

Supported by a churning sea that is my world

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Yes, of course I could hang on to who I was yesterday

But why bother, when

Each new day

Begs me to

Begin

Again

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During the storm, before the calm,
I heard their feet, stamping over the hills
Arriving in droves. The rebel army.
Here to overthrow a lifetime of enslavement
To buying insurance and mowing the lawn
To smiling through failure and
Changing my underwear daily.
A lifetime of good behaviour and
Doing what’s best (for whom?)
But here they come. The forgotten dreams.
The squashed and crumpled ...

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Hi, this is an old image poem of mine (the first thing I wrote when I got into writing poetry a few years ago) that came back to me as I woke this morning in the form of a perfect Haiku.

What is a poem?

A murmuration of words

Landing precisely

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Damascus moment

Here on the snooker table

I'm a ping pong ball

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Where does it come from this surge of delight?

As I watch the blue, grey, white, light and shade of clouds

And feel their gentle invitation.

"Come" they say "Or stay. We're with you either way."

They welcome me, and all of me.

The sneak, the cheat, the liar, the bully, the thief.

The lost, the blundering, the ignorant, the bored one.

The million hopeful answers and the hidden ...

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I know only this breeze on my cheek

I know nothing of the countless other faces you have caressed and bitten

I know nothing of the houses you have assaulted and battered

Or the seas you have stirred into tumult and storm

I don't know where you end or where you begin

I know you were blowing both treble and bass through bamboo pipes

Long before I came here

And you will be rustli...

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In the blink of an eye, the humans had blown across the planet,

Like the North Wind, in a gale of crazy-making,

Leaving chaotic striations of human mischief in their wake.

Then they were gone. 

Reparation began.

The trees reclaimed the earth.

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The one hiding in the dark, on the edges - the self who has been denied, made wrong, shamed.

The one bathing in the light, in the centre - the self who has been selected, groomed, made acceptable.

The one turning to stone in the dark cave - who doesn't fit with the story I'm telling myself.

The one I leave standing or turn away or ignore when she arrives at my door.

The one I'm always ...

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Lying face down

Black loamy soil in her eyes, nostrils, mouth

Rain slashing and puddle pooling 

Her body a pelt

Alone

Winds howling their rage against distancing rules

Push against her

Push into her

Pummel her with gusts like fists

Hold her and throw her

Away

All that she has been

All that she has done

Ground into the earth

Lost in the great soak-away

T...

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We poison the well and wonder why

There is no drinking water in the tap.

We kill the bees and wonder why

There is no food on supermarket shelves.

We ravage the earth and wonder why

The floods and fires come.

We prise open the box and wonder why

Pandora's pandemics pour forth.

We close our eyes

And wonder who to blame.

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Written in a moment when I'd just had enough of man's cruelty, ignorance, arrogance, carelessness and wanted to hide myself away- but realised the opposite was what was required in these times.

The Darkness

The Darkness wakes us from the slumber of complacency.

Only from sitting alone in darkness do we discover our heart-wrenching longing for light.

Only by facing the horrors, feeling ...

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I can't breathe

Said the man full of colour

To the man

Whose colour had drained away

Along with his humanity.

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I was reluctant to go out

It would be cold, damp and boring

Just like yesterday and the days before.

I walked along the sea front,

Stopped for a mug of tea at Eddie's.

Then I turned back to the car .....

The sky had been obliterated

By lowering charcoal clouds

Beneath which, a ribbon of burning copper

Flamed along the horizon above

Multiple metallics of glittering sea...

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To sit amidst trees

And watch a spider, silent,

Spin her silken web.

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Rain at my window

Pattering strong poetry

An age old saga

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A weed, unaware

Of its lowly status, smiles,

Continues to grow

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Logs are flaming in the fire pit.

Late evening sky turns dark and fills with stars.

A glass of red to disinhibit

And my heart fills with gladness

And bursts with gratitude.

What are these inhibitions anyway?

Just societal chains thrown my  way

Posing as lifelines,

But in reality, tethers,

Binding me to a truth

No longer of any value in my world.

Fire, darkness, shi...

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I bathe in your unconditional love

The YES you offer me

A haze, a fog, a ghostly offering

Of complete acceptance.

Then through the mists,

A granite block

A NO.

A hidden place of defining lines,

Sharp edges,

Cold shoulders

Shaped by ancestors

Your personal geology.

Diving deep

I explore the coral

Of my own reef

And find it jagged, dangerous.

I have sh...

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Life is  a fabrication of palatable lies.

Swimming through consciousness,

Shoaling like fish, open mouthed,

We take in all that we can swallow.

Hallucinating a fragile reality

Clinging to shreds

Pulling at threads

Holding our heads

We long for dignity.

Pulled to the earth

From a home in the sky

Spinning between birth and death

Eyes tightly closed

We swallow l...

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I am a snake charmer

My father was a snake charmer

And his father and all the fathers

Who came before.

I have inherited the gift

Of charming snakes.

I tame them. I make them dance.

People say that I hypnotise them

But they would be wrong. 

I play my pungi 

I breathe in and out

Slowly.

I sway from side to side 

I fix them with my gaze 

But, if truth be told...

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I am a snake charmer

My father was a snake charmer

And his father and all the fathers

Who came before.

I have inherited the gift

Of charming snakes.

I tame them. I make them dance.

People say that I hypnotise them

But they would be wrong. 

I play my pungi 

I breathe in and out

Slowly.

I sway from side to side 

I fix them with my gaze 

But, if truth be told...

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There are two yous.

The reality of who you are and

The you that I project

The you that I want you to be

The you that I fear you are

The you that I have created from

Little glimpses of the real you and

From a deep well of guesswork that

Some might call intuition.

*  *  *  *  *

There are two mes.

The reality of who I am and

The image that I project.

The me that...

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She was standing alone on the shingle

Unmoving.

Gazing across the

Silver ripple green gray water

To a horizon lost in mist.

She was tall

But not tall enough.

Wearing his too long baggy jeans

His old maroon cardigan

His worn and worn and worn again flat cap.

Tears coursed, unchecked, down her cheeks.

I tried to witness the fathoms of her grief.

She glanced over h...

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As she cracks, water

Gushes from her open veins

To nourish new growth  

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I'm leaning against this Giant Redwood

A beating pulse spreading

From the belly of the earth

Peristaltic through my bones

I'm feeling warm and held

Feeling known and owned

Like someone/something's 

Got my back.

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I spent my entire life looking up at this mountain.

Yearning to reach the summit.

Now that I'm here,

I look down with fondness

At the places I have come from

And long to relive the journey.

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This is the last of the Walking Backwards poems (probably)

Confidence growing, my stride lengthens

I open my arms wide and

Walking backwards I break into

An awkward, lumbering

Run!

Not knowing what lies behind

Flailing to stay on my feet

Like a drunk in a graveyard

I stumble back and back

Euphoric in the madness of it all

Laughing with shooting ...

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Stepping back into the unknown

The not yet created

The not yet lived

Hoping for solid ground

Fearing the void

A faltering footstep

On the yet untrodden path

Sensing with all my might

No eyes with which to see

No clues, no markers

Just blind faith

With everything to play for

And nothing to lose

Walking backwards

Into the realm of Gods

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Running with the pack

I slow my pace.

Jostled from behind

I resist, come to a halt,

Dig my heels in tight.

A space forms around me as

The multitude swarms past

And I become

'Other'. 

In this space 

I hear a humming bee

I smell the seasoned earth

I feel the tender sun

Gently kissing my cheek.

And slowly I take a step

Backwards.

And as the human murmur...

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Crushed beneath millennial weight

Hardest core of stardust matter

Black eye of Baba Yaga glints

Slayer of saints and heroes

Seducer of maidens

Worn tight at the throat

Binding wrist or ankle

Like mistletoe on oak

Trickster magic

Love potion

Hard jet black

Whitby kisses

In mourning

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Crushed beneath millennial weight

Hardest core of stardust matter

Black eye of Baba Yaga glints

Slayer of saints and heroes

Seducer of maidens

Worn tight at the throat

Binding wrist or ankle

Like mistletoe on oak

Trickster magic

Love potion

Hard jet black

Whitby kisses

In mourning

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I could have stayed home

And cleaned up the mess

The grandkids left behind

I could have stayed home

Changed the bedding

Laundered the sheets

I could have done the washing up

Hoovered the lounge

I could have, should have,

Washed the kitchen floor.

Instead, I have come here

To this beach.

A cold wind blows, gently.

A low sun spreads a glinting softness

Acros...

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My intention,

When I remember to think about it,

My intention is

To know God.

A phrase that drips

With poisonous interpretations.

But, when I walk

For thirty minutes or so

Into a wood,

And the rhythmic padding

Of my boots on leaf mould

Soothes my thoughts,

And my mind clears,

Awareness seeps in 

To the space where

My busy mind held sway

And suddenly ...

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The reason I want to die today

Is my overwhelming shame

At being a human who rapes the earth

Pollutes the air and sea

Demands the right to take what I want

With no notion of, or interest in, the consequence

The reason I want to die today

Is my heart breaking sorrow

For sentient beings waiting in abbatoirs

At this very moment,

Hungry, de-hydrated, trembling

In ...

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I'm leaving you, he said.

Ouch. 

I went in search for the meaning of this callous act.

I dredged up all my previous hurts.

Lined them up like a firing squad.

One of us must die. You or I.

Stop! Shouted the Buddha.

Act one. Scene one. Take two.

I'm leaving you, he said.

Ouch.

It's a wrap.

Anyone for coffee?

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He had a disintegrating childhood.

Broken home, residential and foster care.

Joined the army aged fifteen and three quarters.

Married. Three kids. Divorced.

Married again. Three more kids.

Six tours back to back. Left the army, sick to death.

Friends disintegrating in his arms. Just kids.

Home to family. To hope, but more despair.

Rows and harsh words. 

"Get a job, we ne...

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One bright day, oh, glory, glory, glory.

The sun, the sky, the beach, the sea

A double shot espresso, the breeze.

I saw the seal, at first a little to my right

Moments later to my left and closer in. 

Black head bobbing and diving.

Unusual, I thought, in these waters.

When it beached, almost at my feet,

It was shiney, bloated, somehow darker than black.

I tried to hold o...

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1

Is there life before death

Or just eating and fucking?

Putting effort and time

Into staying good-looking?

Chasing power and glory

And money and gold

To hold on to youth

And never get old.

2

Is there life before death, tell me where I should look

In nature  or poetry or a holy book?

Find my own song, become one with the beat

With strength and commitment stay...

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Broken Shells everywhere 

Shattered illusions

Life is easy in the light

Stepping into darkness

More of a challenge

Under every stone

A shameful secret

Houses built on sand

Fools Gold in every pocket

Self worth? Out of credit 

Crawling on her belly, she feels the sun on her back

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Stringing the beads

Each milky orb

The product of

A grain of sand

You placed in

The soft mantle folds

Of my shell.

And layer upon layer

I grow in beauty

And year upon year

You open every clam

Trying to find me.

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In my dream I ask for a lethal injection.

Foetal on a hospital bed, I wait for it to take effect.

Nothing more to say, nothing more to do.

All worries, now redundant, pack their bags and leave.

Stuart is here, and Tash and Chris and Jane.

Not grieving, just bearing witness to my peaceful departure.

I feel nothing and it is wonderful.

When I wake

The gentle feeling

O...

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I sit within my skin where all is safe

I sit in this room that I have made beautiful

But it does not feel mine

I have a piece of paper saying that

I own this house and all the land

On which it stands

But it does not feel mine

It still belongs to those people

Who were builders by day

Smugglers by night

Who lived here first

Who loved and fought

Within these walls

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