Poetry Blogs (2021, unrequited love)

There are no longer words.
I have grown ancient listening.
I have grown a maze of wrinkles,
                                                     waiting.
If my eyes seem dull,
Remember they have forgotten you,
                                                          searching.
Forgotten life,
Seeking memories.

I sit, and watch the hunting.
Come and join me,
                          ...

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I have not yet seen

How beautiful you are

Or how funny or smart

But I know you exist

Because of the love

That is already in my heart

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There is no question

I love thee

But lovers we

Can never be

For if you ever

Were to see

This heart of mine

You'd flee

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Can I help it, if I think you're beautiful?
If I love you, 
Must I spend my whole life being sorry?
When you smile, 
Something twists inside me.
Something fragile, so it ought to break
But doesn't.

Can I help it, if I think you're special?
If your name excites me,
Must I always try to hide it?
The cynic in me tries to squash it;
Dulls my voice, and makes me stiffen.
Makes my gaze see...

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It should not be a sad thing,
                            To be a friend.
But I cry at night, on an empty pillow.
And every day I dream about you,
And see your face, in shadows.

It should not be a bad thing,
                            To be a friend.
But every night I dream about you.
And in the day, I cry without you,
And give myself to sorrow.

        It should not be so maddening
...

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Show me the year it was -
I'll show you the seventeen it wasn't,
And the eternity it never will be, that follows.
Show me the memories - 
I'll show you the smiles forgotten,
And the shattered illusions, broken fragments.
Show me the point in living - 
And I will cut my throat on it!
Don't you know everyone's dying?
                                   It's all the rage.
Recognise the sound...

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I want to write a cheerful poem.
I want to sing a song of joy.
And clap my hands,
And throw my caution to the wind,
Not this misery, I.
This drivel,
                  without end.

I'd wear a dress of red and gold.
All laced up,
All softly flowing.
I want to joke, and laugh, and talk,
And brave this storm.
Not go in black,
Not me, this wreck;
This back-wind
                        ...

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She tried to smile,
She practiced it at home at night.
And how she'd act,
She tried to speak as if it were alright.
She even smiled,
        but mostly at herself.
They didn't care.
They didn't even notice how she felt.

She found that funny too.
She practiced for that aim.
As if it were the only goal in life,
And yet...
She wished they'd wonder, all the same.
She wasn't brave,
And ...

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On a broken stone, in a wide wild ocean,
A breaking girl, in a sea of tears.
A broken heart, and half a notion
To break away the rest of her years.

But the breaking stone refused to split,
And the roaring waves refused to bite.
So all alone,
And lonelier yet,
For nothing would take her life.

She thought of sleeping
Till she drifted away,
And so she did - 
And so she did.
She laid ...

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Note:     This is probably the most embarassing of the poems in the sub-theme of 'Unrequited Love'
             (Although there are a few other strong contenders)
              But, I wouldn't be doing the audience or the theme any justice if I were to omit this one.
              (I'm not sure if it is the zenith or the nadir)
              So, if you read on, don't say you were not warned.

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Can't get you out of my mind.
Can't halt your stay in my mind.
Can't halt my mind.
Can't hold my breath.
Can't hug death.

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Time to visit my 17 year old self, for the next sub-theme in Love's Tempest of 'Unrequited Love'.
With low self-esteem and low social confidence it was kind of inevitable.
But that's not the only way this particular storm can brew.

This first poem in the sub-theme, 'Reckless Abandon' is presented in two forms.
In its original version, and as a shaped poem.

The original version 

Ju...

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When our ships met again in open seas
our eyes met in the salt air
under gull cries
a vow was kept
testified by Neptune
for sundry nereids inspirited
the disclosure of secret love

you are gentle,
& the wise know you,
my feeling was divulged to you
but I bear the curse of graves
previous voyages
strong vessels with wooden bones,
scattered at the bottom

a sounder ship is awaiting
...

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I think of you, chastise myself, 

And press your name away

Ignoring, stubbornly, the fact, 

You’re present every day

I don’t ask why I cannot help 

But seek your commentary

On every task, or smile of mine- 

A wish I cannot bury

I say, embarrassed at myself, 

That this affair ends now. 

This fantasy, this made-up game, 

I cannot keep allowing

After...

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