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Sudden Attack

The heart stops,
stomach drops,
and fear attacks
tearing and scraping the insides.
Stepping back, it’s not the right time.
It’s too delicate; my hands are tied.

I stall. I ruminate. I do all the things not to destroy this.
I dread that I will, gravely… to the point of not moving.
This is what it’s like when people become a ghost.
It’s too much to go forward.
So, I turn
in the opposite...

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anxietymental healthmental illness

My Super man

Panic setting in

For reasons unknown everything is unsettling

I wished I could kick my heels and disappear

But, instead, he appears

Through the haze his face is clear

I fight the urge to will him near

Oh God, did he sense my fear

Or my emotions churning and my tears near

How does he do it, what exactly does he hear

Me quietly praying, daring him to care

My vulnerabili...

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attachmentdepressionmental illnessrelationships

Rush Hour Treat...

Emotional turmoil 

Tranquility sporadic

The future unknown yet frightful

A familiar face in the crowd  

So warm, inviting and sweet...


Everything makes sense again

Hope is reignited 

Fear, is once again

For the time being




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appreciationgloomgratitudehopemental illnessrelationships

Transference and its counter

Am I making an impression...

Do I leave you bewildered with every expression...

Do you look forward like I do to our weekly sessions...

Or are my scribbled musings akin to aggression... 

An unbecoming, pathetic vie for attention...

I find you delightful and have a genuine fascination...

I am curiously eager, feelings bordering on intoxication.


But, apparently in therapy t...

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depressionlifelonginglovemental illnessrelationships

Where does it hurt?

It’s a walking numbness, a dull pain  
that sometimes presents itself in waves. 
It slowly builds, and one day, every few weeks it explodes. 
I can’t bring myself out of bed. 
The rolling tears subside for a moment only to build again and again. 
The world outside, and the family inside, doesn’t exist, only what’s happening right here. 
Only this pillow, only this blanket, only the thoughts ...

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depressionmental healthmental illness

SAPI plates

Sage bush smoking sour
Eyes cascading showers
Measuring sober hours
Chewing my cigarettes now
Good coffee, good chow
Pretentious fuck saying thou
Pissing off the bow, drunk
Crawl back in my rack
Afloat but still sunk
Cold icey dunk
Casket of grinding gears stuck
Struck, sliding into silence

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bipolar disordermental healthmental illness

Trinket x

The only blade I fear is the one that I wield
A single stroke and my fate is sealed
Hold up false hope, impotent shield
Casually spread my bones in untilled fields
Digging in my heels,
  it feels like I'm losing you
Digging out six square,
  soul bruising blue
Brick slit bullshit, courtyard contortions, fountains of weeds
Walking in ovals, squares
Blackboard becomes the backboard of your...

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bipolarbipolar disordermental illness

Malignant Manipulator

The figure had a lonely aura about itself. Something about it weighed on your charachter. You willingly relinquished parts of yourself in hopes to nurture the overwhelming darkness that the stranger seemed to carry. As your mind opened to the new acquaintanceship the insecurities and fears that were once held by the apparition influenced their way into your esteem. As the light diminished from you...

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depressionovertakensadmental illness

A Confession

A confession


In the moonlit dreamtime as the 

Warblers rest and stars kiss the midnight sky

I want to die


As the sun rises flirting seductively with

The horizon and cotton candy clouds

Tiptoe across the dawn

I want to die


In nameless parties with empty faces 

And monsters growing with every sip of

Poison they ingest 

I want to die


Within warm...

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deathidealismdepressionmental illnessstrengthhealthy

Wilting soul

Spiraling down into heaps, ragged and gray, cracked crockpot hip sway
How many times a day do the flies find dead lips
Violence equips violence, self perpetuated static hate
Powers of state observed through grates, through threadbare shirts as they disintegrate
Inflating the lie, runflat tires crushing thighs, for his mom he cries
How do your eyes hold dripping pitchers back, how much empathy...

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hopemental illness

You made me do it

You're so impossible
you are selfish
you are difficult
you cause me so much trouble
I've only got this angry with you
you provoked me
you're unreasonable 
you aren't like your brother
you never help
I never get this cross with anyone else
you made me hit you
I lost control because of you
you are defective
but I love you
so all is ok 

everything is possible with me
I am self full

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child abusemental illnessloveawakened

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