Poetry Blogs (2016, anxiety)

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Done again

A brain that’s been tapped and tinkered is suddenly transformed.

A soul that’s been prodded and pulled is carefully put back in its place.

Thoughts have been dusted and polished and put away in their boxes.

A gut that been untangled, unknotted, instead now tied in a bow.

 

But then the scars to the brain have split.

The crack in its box is on display.

A scratch to the soul wan...

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anxietydepressionhappystruggletherapy

rudely interrupted

It is the assumption that people tend to reflect and contemplate in the dawn of the night 

When noones awake to hear the sorrow in your sobs

When it's too dark to see the weakness in your eyes 

And your lonliness enables your imprisoned vulnerability to surface 

 

But what happens when this negativity suddenly seep its way into the happenings of your everyday life 

When these mor...

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anxietydepressionfearhappyheartbreaklifelossLovemiserymistakespoetryrantingrealitythoughtsunhappyventingwords

3am

I'm lying awake at 3am

Why am I never intoxicated with positivity? 

Why aren't I a fountain of enthusiasm?

Why can't I see the euphemistic light in this unilluminated darkness?

 

I'm lying awake at 3am

All of my uncertainties are overwhelming 

The formidable anxiety I've become acclimated with seeps in through open wounds

And yet I've learned to find tranquility in this res...

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3amaloneanxietiesanxietycant sleepcomfortablecontentmentdark nights alonedepressiondreamslifelonelinesslonelylovethoughtsworries

Darkness

This one comes from some older stuff of mine, written whilst dealing with what i didnt realise was a depression / anxiety disorder at the time.  Thankfully now its under control, but reading this back makes me remeber just how black things were back then.

 

Darkness; continuous, deep, perpetual darkness.

Constant.  Soulless.  Empty dark space.

It laps at the edges, frayed edges of my c...

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anxietycloudsdarknessdepressionemoemotionstressturmoil

Self reflection.

I used to think writing was an escape, 

But i now realize that it has never been anything more than a device to feed into every word that I use to bring the emotional drain that is my heart and mind to a story between the paper and ink. 

It seems that the lights flickering above me have more meaning, 

At the age of seven, I was told the truth as to where my father was and why i never hear...

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AnxietyDepressioninsecurity

Sad Drunk

entry picture

Unbroken stares into the cracks of my ceiling, 

I stare at every single imperfection as if they were calling out my name,

Perhaps it resembled a metaphor of my negligence to cope, 

 

I am but a mold composed through the mind of depression, 

I am empty and I am broken,

Perhaps I'll stroll to the pond and hope the gray clouds part,

Til then, 

I'll continue to sip the sorrow i...

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anxietyDepressionsubstance

New Wounds

Fetch the scissors
Bring the knife too
I've found something 
for me to do

Watch the blood drip
Make a red puddle
They all seem to judge
Without knowing the struggle

If they can all hurt me
I can hurt me too
I feel like I deserve it anyway,
That's why I do what I do

"Attention seeker"
That's what they label me
But they don't know
What I have to see

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anxietydepressionself destructionself harm

Writing is Power

Writing gives me the power to express how I am feeling without actually having to say,

I have a pen, paper and 24 hours in a day.

Although I keep my silence, I can still let it all out

I could talk about the blood, sweat and tears but they're all visible signs.

The things I need to talk about are all in my mind.

I find it so difficult to trust family and friends

but have no prob...

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anxietydepressionfreedom of expressionwriting

Body

I've reached my goal weight

I think to myself

But don't ask how I did it

You don't want to know

That depression and anxiety

Is causing my body to change

That trips to the gym

Are only to get through the mundane

Don't tell me I look good

Because deep down inside

Looks don't really matter

When your life is full of pain

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anxietybodydepressiongrief

Calm

The calm that I seek,

Still blue sea,

Anxious waves that crash over me,

Making me hardy to future attack,

The peace that I seek is setting me back

 

Maybe it doesn't exist?

Maybe that is where my peace lies? 

In accepting that it can't be sought?

Is it already here?

 

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anxietyfeelingslifepeace

FEAR OF FLYING

going from one terminal to

another terminal like a zip of current

the electricity is in the air

and it feels terminal like the death of me

a suspension of disbelief

      and can this be real?

 

The sky is a pocket of trust

a slipstream, a dream

as I watch the backs of heads

thinking forward motion or not at all

and the outside is looking in

through bulging eyes...

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anxietytravel

Highs and Lows, Frogs and Toads

5th grade was my downfall

Anxiety coupled with A.D.D

Made for the perfect broken marriage.

 

6th grade was calm.

I had everything under control

And I was taking medication

 

But 7th grade was morbid.

A child,

One only the devil could produce,

Had arrived with the diseased name

Of Depression.

 

8th grade was the year Depression made friends

Suicidal Tho...

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A.D.DAnxietydepressionhighslowsmaniamy mindparanoiasocial anxietystresssuicidal thoughts

When The Light Dies And Darkness Thrives

Great,

The bus,

Every morning indecisive and overwhelmed

Who should I sit by?

The question is,

Who would want to sit by you?

I mean, No one wants to,

And you know it.

Shut up…

That's not true.

I've got plenty of people who wouldn't mind me.

There’s the girl I sit next to in class

And we talk from time to time.

Oh, and don't forget the boy who waves hi to me i...

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aloneanxietydeaddepressionmental illnesssad

"Are You Okay?"

Who am I?

Who are you?

Who are we?

We…

Us…

Me…

I.

I don't know who I am.

I don't know who you are.

I don't know who we are.

Are…

Were…

Am.

Am I me?

Am I you?

Am I we, us, them?

Them too.

Too many thoughts whirling in my mind.

Mind’s infected.

Infections of madness consuming me.

Me…

Us…

We…

I.

I thought I knew who I was.

I t...

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anxietyDepressionidentitymental illnessnot okayokayWho am i

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