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Smart Little Johnny


This story happened in one school 
But … for God’s sake, keep cool,
it can't be taken as a rule.
Once when a teacher of math fell sick
A teacher of physical education came, named Nick.
He wanted to show how intelligent he is,
So he said: Solve my problem please!
-A car moves at a high speed.
To go to Spain a plane I need.
Can you tell me my age
If I read a book on the last page,
a pea...

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humour

Smart Little Johnny


This story happened in one school 
But … for God’s sake, keep cool,
it can't be taken as a rule.
Once when a teacher of math fell sick
A teacher of physical education came, named Nick.
He wanted to show how intelligent he is,
So he said: Solve my problem please!
-A car moves at a high speed.
To go to Spain a plane I need.
Can you tell me my age
If I read a book on the last page,
a pea...

Read and leave comments (0)

humour

Smart Little Johnny


This story happened in one school 
But … for God’s sake, keep cool,
it can't be taken as a rule.
Once when a teacher of math fell sick
A teacher of physical education came, named Nick.
He wanted to show how intelligent he is,
So he said: Solve my problem please!
-A car moves at a high speed.
To go to Spain a plane I need.
Can you tell me my age
If I read a book on the last page,
a pea...

Read and leave comments (0)

humour

Humor

Humor
After drinking whisky
Some men are so frisky, 
But some are so boring, 
All night snoring.
***
I will not give up drinking
But I will go on thinking
If I should give up smoking
***
It’s so difficult to be kind
When all around are blind
***
She has found a coin in her bed.
It was pleasant to know
That someone wants to come back.
***
Yesterday was early, 
Tomorrow will be late, 
Today...

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humour

Humor

Humor
After drinking whisky
Some men are so frisky, 
But some are so boring, 
All night snoring.
***
I will not give up drinking
But I will go on thinking
If I should give up smoking
***
It’s so difficult to be kind
When all around are blind
***
She has found a coin in her bed.
It was pleasant to know
That someone wants to come back.
***
Yesterday was early, 
Tomorrow will be late, 
Today...

Read and leave comments (0)

humour

SHADES OF SURFING

~~Watching wet suited fella’s a’bobbing
Got to wondering and then some thinking
Why so much sitting, and waiting
Continuous bobbing with legs a’dangling
There goes a wave, what’s wrong with it?
Is he just enjoying a tight suited, comfortable, sit?

Occasionally...  Very occasionally, whilst waiting
Activity will occur, legs and arms wildly thrashing
Damn, missed the crest.  One of the bes...

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HumourSeaSexSurfing

Writing 'proper' poetry

Peppercorn eyes or was it peppermint eyes, does it matter?

Something...orginal eyes! Something blazing eyes...something dreamy and crapper.

Yes, so he tasted of morning breath and the blandness of saliva

but just write that he tasted of strawberries and hope because that sounds a lot nicer!

...Wait... stop! The ryhme is off!

Can you have more ryhme this time, less variation.

Sort...

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comedyhumourliteraturepoetryprestigerestrictionsrules

That Shallot

So every year she plants some seeds
She tends to all their growing needs
Keeping the soil free from weeds
Her tidy vegetable plot
No peas or carrots does she grow
Just Alium Cepa row on row
She won a prize in't Cheshire show
The lady of shallot

with apologies to Alfred Lord Tennyson

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humourShallot

CHECKY TROUSERS

 

His name is Jeff.  He’s a chef.
How can you tell?  By his trousers of course.
When he puts on those checky trousers he’s no longer just Jeff,
But, Jeffry, like Mam used to scream, making herself hoarse
At his idleness, lethargy, laziness, now all in the past
Since a chef he’s become, even though it’s self-classed.

Doesn’t wear one of them tall ‘ats though.
He tried one.  Couldn’t...

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CafeGreasy spoonHumourUnhealthy

The Ballad of a Middle Aged Man

I woke up one day and was old

(Although I prefer to say middle aged.)

I was young and fit

The last time I looked

(Or As far as I could possibly gauge.)

 

It’s a situation that makes me unhappy

(And quite frankly that’s putting it mildly)

There’s nothing I can do

To regain my youth

(Despite jumping up and down wildly)

 

I still drive a sporty convertible

(I do...

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agehumour

The Junk Shop

I was lost among the old junk,
in the farthest of corners, when
I heard a clock ticking away.

It had a rhythm of its own,
though the ticks were separate
it appeared to echo instead,

and when I watched the clock face,
the second hand would twitch a bit
before jumping to the next notch.

'Must be a pice of junk,' I thought,
then I looked down and checked my watch,
and it read the sam...

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humourpoetryscars

CHECKY TROUSERS

His name is Jeff.  He’s a chef.

How can you tell?  By his trousers of course.

When he puts on those checky trousers he’s no longer just Jeff,

But, Jeffry, like his Mam used to scream, making herself hoarse

At his idleness, lethargy, laziness, now all in the past

Since a chef he’s become, even though it’s self-classed.

 

Doesn’t wear one of them tall ‘ats though.

He tried on...

Read more …

cafecookingHumour

Pissed 'n' Broke

Lairy teenage louts
Spotty young offenders
Spend all their time
Going on benders
With cider pilfered
From a local store
Nicked Regal Kingsize
Shared once more
They collect together
On waste ground
To trash a moped
Someone 'just found'
Chained up behind
A garden gate
The owner not yet
Realising their fate
Their humble transport
Will be rev'd to d...

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Humoursocial commentary

A Bit More Choke And The Car Would Have Started

 
This is a problem
That affects the masses
The quick release
Of intestine gases
 
But how do we get
To this situation?
It starts in the mouth
With mastication
 
A mouthful of food
A taste sensation
You chew and you chomp
Gastro delectation
 
One final chew
Before you swallow
Eye up your plate
Another forkful to follow
 
Then into th...

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humourwind

Writer's Block

Need to get started
Got so much to write
Put pen to paper
Just keep writing shite
I've tried all the tricks
Walked round the room
Made a cup of tea
No va-va-va-voom
Still sitting here now 
Not sure what to do
Stuck for ideas
Not a fucking clue
Oh, hang on a mo
One has come in now
Nope Wonderstuff lyrics
"The size of a cow"
I'm trying too hard
...

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comedyHumour

Bunfight At The Kerbside Corral

 

She stands at the kerbside
It's what she does best
Stopping the traffic
In her high vis vest 
 
She scans all around
Through silted eyes
Never once blinking
Sight set on the prize
 
A battle of wills
Is the name of the game
Everyday is different
Yet always the same
 
She rocks too and fro
On the balls of her feet
Sideways glances
Up and do...

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drivingHumourschool

Spirit Of Christmas

 

Christmas fun, christmas cheer
It comes around every year
Presents, tree and food to buy,
It's more expensive, the questions why?
Smellies for mum, a tie for dad,
What about the kids? Let's not go mad.
Christmas morning kids awake
Bleary eyed parents their beds vacate
Christmas wrapping torn to shreds
Whilst sensible folk are still in bed 
Who bought that for who...

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Christmashumour

Fuck it, I’m indecisive

I need to make a decision
And make it fucking quick
A matter life or death
It’s making me feel sick
 
It’s really not that hard
This thing I need to do
A very simple choice
Number one or number two
 
I see the merits of both
From my view on the fence
I must fall on one side
Before I can recommence
 
They’re starting to get painful
These splinters in ...

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frustrationhumourIndecisions

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