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Nothing Ever After

BLACK DOG

 

All my life I have been visited by a black dog,

Who brings dark thoughts of death and dying.

This is a coward’s escape in the light of day,

But no light penetrates the darkness I feel.

 

The decisions I make and the people I lead,

Who trust and respect the results I achieve,

The family I love and the life that I lead,

Make the challenge of now...

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suicidedeathdepression

Tunnels

Tunnelling in the dirt below my feet
I've been digging here all week
carving this hollow so deep
today, I hit bone

This is heavier work than I imagined
surveyed the ground from beyond the fence
And we both agreed that this was right
but now the toil is breaking me apart

As a new day rises
I'm bawling in the shower
never knew I could feel this pain
with the taps turned up to ten
nev...

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break updepressionlowmoving onsadness

The Poison becomes Sweeter

Like a Viper in  the Mind

It slithers chillingly inside the brain

The unfortunate one senses its growing presence

As it sinks its venom deep int o the subconscious

Making the bitterness taste sweeter

The soul becomes lost as the venom takes hold

Self loathing and resentment manifest in the poison

Until in  desperation decisions are made

To seek help and self comf...

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Depressionsuicideself loathing

medicated

medicated

 

in a corner of the room

daylight pools its last ripples

and she stands alone

afraid to step onto the shadow

that creeps towards her

afraid of the sly shuffle sound

that drags itself across the floor

or the mewling voice

that whispers its fears

and fantasies

so that when she blinks

the orange light

has dimmed

and the room sh...

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depressionmedicationtherapystep improvementshealingfear and loathing

Natural Selection

Natural Selection

 

Outbound

 

I look at them

they look at me

through glassy eyes

that never see

we’ve shared this carriage

many years

never sharing

hopes or fears

I swiftly pass

the guarded gate

and check my watch

in case I’m late

despite producing

dog-eared ticket

the blank faced guardsman

doesn’t click it

I side ...

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job selectioninterviewdashed enthusiasmrejectiontrain traveldepression

Self Image

Full rounded heart,

Eyes that are sore with weeping,

Dark like and arrow piercing,

And ever the hand is writing.

 

You draw yourself, so many new lines.

Role after role you sketch, and toss away.

 

Mind that is ever writing

My own hard epitaphs,

Blaming my eyes for weeping

Over dusty photographs.

 

The past is a well told tragedy

And you a...

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griefdepressionwriting poetry

Spring Tanka

A winter bite that

mocks the spring, pincers its cocoon.

A life supported?

Cease one's internal decay,

Even ice melts. Love's fluidity.

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WinterIceSpringThawCocoonMeltLifeMental HealthDepressionAnxietySelf-doubtLoveHonestySelf-beliefSelf-esteemNurturingNurtureSupportSupportingCareCaringLovingConsiderateCompassionCompassionateGrowGrowingPainSufferingLearnLearningDiscoverDiscoveryDiscoveringNaPoWriMo

Beat to my own drum - NaPoWriMo Day 5

Adopt

Saint Stephen's tale

It's Friday, sweets from Mrs Smith

Degeneration X and anarchy

Frankie's words: two tables, four chairs, suspension.

Discovered passing the buck, and thus passed it.

Stole the show with Twenty-one Questions, four dancers, and a singer.

First girlfriend changed everything, "You're young, she has baggage - get rid..." … did...

A pla...

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MemoryChildhoodSyllablesNaPoWriMoPoetryRapR+BMordorSauronLOTRLord of the RingsTolkienWrestlingWWEWWFHBKDXDegeneration XSchoolPrimary SchoolSecondary SchoolCollegeHostelHomelessnessLoveLossDepressionAnxietySuicideFightsArgumentsFathersTeachersMothersSistersFriendsTruthRejoiceRebirthPhoenixLightCandleBirthdaysYearsTaleStoriesPeopleMemories

The Down Time

 

The down time creeps up like old Bolton smog

 soaking into my flesh

and trickling black treacle

that thickens from within the mesh

 of chaos, thoughts, decisions

crossroads and dead ends.

 And before long the gloom of the down time

becomes regular time and time stands still.

 

When I’m up I smile and glow

Like the summer solstice

but when the do...

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depression

Of Pirates and Poets

 

As the last drips of rum

slip from glass to lips

I feel the heartache

of pirates and poets.

The anchor is raised on a ship

setting sail for foreign shores,

whilst my glass is raised

and tipped once more.

An empty glass,

an empty bottle;

this is the heartache

of pirates and poets -

to feel the ebb and flow,

to be the empty vessel

on a...

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piratespoetsrumalcoholanxietydepression

Lost

A face of steel is easy 
When hidden behind.
Lost in false hope,
Drowning under memories
That my shoulders cannot hold;
They buckle in sharp flaws.
Watch me break at dawn
And vanish into dust.
My soul entrenched
Under a cotton shroud,
Unable to rise.
I will never again stand 
So boldly.
Time, the only healer,
Has stopped,
...

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poempainlostbreak uphopelessdepressionsadnesslossfear

The Cocoon

The curtains a cocoon

which I have outgrown

crushing me

though I dare not venture out

my wings maimed

by an internal eternity.

 

Some days they open

as the sunlight shines

and snow falls

yet it remains a parallel world

a door to an unfamiliar universe

remains locked.

 

Even inside plates pile up

like a porcelain possum

they ...

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CocoonDepressionAnxietyAgoraphobiaInternalDreamsRealityFearUrbanGreenNatureLifeExistenceHumanityRitualHopesPeaceStrifeParadox

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