Poetry Blogs (2012, humour)

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haiku

 

Went to treat my nerves
Will come back in the morning
Drunk tender horny

 

Larisa Rzhepishevska

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humour

Omniverse

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The fish was from another time; in my time he was dead.

I stopped to look him up and down, he stared right back and said,

There’s consternation on your face, perhaps I should explain.

Keep it simple, I implored, don’t cabbage out my brain.

The explanation you require is one of elegance

And for a fish so dead, I thought he spoke with eloquence.

I sense your dread, the dea...

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humour

Dear Facebook

A little poem that is very much not in my usual style!
 

Dear Facebook,

 We have known each other a long time now,
 and whilst I know you will always be there for me,
 it is with a heavy heart that I must tell you the following:
 We can no longer be together.

 It’s not you.
 It’s me.
 Honestly.

 I find I can’t keep away from you,
 and I have so much work to do these days...

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I Am Unique

 

I couldn't become the best.

I couldn't become worse than all.

I couldn't become as the rest.

So?  What is left?

Yes, my dear friend Nick!

You have to know that…

I am unique!   :)))

 

©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)

The 16th of September, 2012

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humour

That's My Odessa

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Odessa.

Early morning.

Sonia is yawning.

Her dressing gown is satiny.

This night was just a symphony

in a company of her Antonie.

She was sure he was her destiny.

All they did was in such a harmony.

With those thoughts she went to the balcony.

But … suddenly she has heard a noise.

It sounded with an irony.

It was her neighbor’s voice.

List...

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humour

A Life Too Short

 

Some say life is too short - and I wish mine was taller,
but can we stretch it enough, and then stay fit to enjoy her?
 
Yes, I call life a 'her', it surely can't be a him,
it's beyond understanding, and can change with a whim...
 
©Rhumour
August 12th 2012
 

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HumourLife

Compy Dompy

I represent our client Mr Dumpty

He had an accident you may recall

And though some might regard him as a 'numpty'

We feel the blame lies squarely with your wall.

 

In short to watch the Royal pageant pass through

Mad throngs had lined the streets as mad throngs do

And Mr Dumpty being short in stature

Climbed your wall to get a better view

 

Our client was...

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humour

Feria - A Spanish Comedy

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Feria - A Spanish Comedy by N.E. David made it as our first ebook. This is a lovely book in the wonderful tradition of Clochmerle but set in Spain rather than very rural France. It has all the ingredients, Fiesta, Terrorism, Paella, Love, Lust, lashings of booze, and cracking good read.

To buy in the UK visit http://amzn.to/Lk280v

To buy in the US visit http://amzn.to/NpUiAZ

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The Wrong Sort of Train

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Four days after I wrote this, the following article appeared in the Daily Telegraph:-‘A train company blamed “the wrong sort of passenger” for the problems some had in reaching London for the celebrations.’

 

The Wrong Sort of Train

 

We’re sorry the trains are not running you know

Tomorrow we hope they’ll be fine

But nature has dealt us a sad autumn blow

There...

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Save £2 on my book - 'Your Sax Is On Fire'

My book - 'Your Sax Is On Fire' is now an incredible £3.99 when you type SAFIRE into the discount code box on

http://www.troubador.co.uk/book_info.asp?bookid=1594

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My Only Love

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I feel so bad without you,

All my dreams are about you.

I lie in bed, thinking of only you.

 

You are my dearest and nearest,

The only one and sweetest.

Out of all you are the greatest.

 

You are so delicate and good

You quickly change my mood.

Your love I prefer to any food.

 

I love you so much, my darling.

You always look so charming,

...

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humour

Great Grammar

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A tongue-in-cheek peek at our GRAMMAR !

 

I know what is wrong, now that’s understood

Tell me the meaning of semantics,

That poetry stuff just for romantics,

I can’t so I won’t but would if I could.

 

Keeping words tidy, keeping their order,

Borrow for lend and question by statement!

Not every time but it is fairly frequent,

That’s why Great Grammar prowl...

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humour

From the Dating Site

 

I am tall one when on the hills.

Kind one if he my life fulfils.

Would like some battles with him .,,, but…

Only in case if he doesn't destroy my skills.

 

©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)

The 13th of February, 2012

 

 

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humour

Rzhepicks

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I am smarter than all but it’s not noticeable. Want someone who wants me. Hippopotamus – there are so many nice sounds. Under the coat was a goat. It was sunny and funny in bed with my dearest lad. Control shot has changed a lot. A sad glance. Are you my last chance? The dream was such a charm! But the noise of the alarm…! Feet prevented to...

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humour

Depth Of A Salesman

I did it babe – I’m the new recruit!

The posh bird in the pin-striped suit

Shook my hand and told me straight

That I was the perfect candidate.

She swallowed all the usual lies

And failed to see through my disguise.

I love the confidence I can win

With a false CV and a cheeky grin.

 

I did it babe – I got the sale!

I went and spun this guy a tale

Of w...

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humourlyingsales

How Not To Receive A Compliment

Why on Earth would you think

I’d find one of the world’s biggest killers

funny?

You’ve known me for years, you heartless cow.

We shared the same drab town

sterilised bottles

degenerate parents.

I looked after you when you were sick

Scraping back hair, sponging brow

Forcing vile vials of fizzy liquids down your protesting throat.

I’ve run Marathons, raised...

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cancerhumourmisheard words

All things considered

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It’s easy to become that which you preach

If you practice enough to believe it.

 

When wealth became your new religion

I longed for the time a lesser God

materially affected you.  Like Michael Foot

 

at least Jesus was a socialist.

 

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