Poetry Blog by Matt (2016)

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Nothing's Left but it's Alright

Have a voice

Give an opinion 

Express yourself

Lay yourself bare


I'll tell you a story of a boy

His family are farmers - conservatives 

At the bottom of the lane, the pub used to burn a cross on bonfire night. It held the letters KWW - Keep Waterside White

His Grandma is agoraphobic, xenophobic and racist who told him in no uncertain terms not to marry a black girl


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Seeing Stars

Who is this man dressed in a box who comes to me at night to unwrap and unravel the trappings of his day?

His manner is pleasant. He is welcomed here.

But why does he come this distance to offer me notification of such things?


Things like the moon and stars that are shining. I can see the stars. I know they shine. They are beautiful and I share his love for them. 

He will ask me w...

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The butchers decision

Decisions decisions

The butcher chose to remove the tail first today

He was a teller of tails.

He once told of a tail so long that he had to chop it with a French curving blade

The one he bought from Trevor down by the market.


Next the butcher decided to remove the left ventricle 

"My mother always said I should have been a surgeon" he lamented

but she was a heartless old...

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The Way of The Cheesemonger

I feel like a cheese monger on the third day of his annual visit to Cheddar Gorge. 
Cheese mongers love the cheddar gorge. It's like the mother land. The third day of the visit is generally considered to be the most relaxing and invigorating. 
Not everyone fully understands the ways of the cheesemonger. They're a curious group. They like repetition... And cheese... And tiddlywinks. Their ways ar...

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The step

Don't judge 

Don't begrudge 

Help them take the first step


For the first time ever I had to sign on.


So I got to the Citizens Advice Bureau early.

It's still closed,

And people are sat on the step outside.

There's a middle aged bloke with a walking stick.

There's a foreign guy with his kid.

There's a guy who looks rough as fuck who I'd probably cross the street...

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Tired mindfulness

There's a quiet tick tick

Tick tock

There's a quiet sound of cars in the distance

The air is warm but there's a slight breeze through the window that is refreshingly cooling 

I can feel it on my thigh

I've got one eye closed as I squint at my phone and write this poem

Is it a poem? What is a poem? 

I feel like a fake
A plastic poet
Making it up as he goes along
Wanting to w...

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On the way to Lincoln

Sat on a stationary train in Doncaster because the guy said my MOT would be done today. He said it would be done today or if he needed a part, he wouldn't start on the car so that I could use it tonight. But it wasn't ready tonight. And he didn't leave it until tomorrow. So tonight I'm on a train. Tomorrow I'll be driving a car. Today however, it's a train. 

Just leaving Doncaster. 

On a tra...

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That kid

That kid 

That kid

Look at that kid

What the hells his problem?

Look at that kid

That kid


Why do you keep crying kid?

Why don't you stick up for yourself kid?

You should have grown out of this kid

Why did you piss yourself kid?

Why'd you do this to yourself kid?

You shouldn't dismiss yourself kid

It's weak to dismiss yourself kid


Why wou...

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For Alice

Alice looked into that looking glass and saw life in all its reality, but within that reality, she saw the life that could be there. She saw all the adventure that life could bring. The fun and sun and mystery. She was not afraid... To do things differently. She pushed her way through to her own world, in spite of the resistance. And in her world, she saw the beauty and the life and the fun and th...

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Miss Hope

When she came into my life, I was missing hope

Just barely released from the end of my rope

And learning again, how to cope


No hope to be loved, no expectations of kindness,

But she told me not liking myself was blindness 

And I hoped I could find this


She gave me hope to be loved and respected, reminded me of all of the lives I'd affected, helped me let go of feeling r...

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England V's Iceland

Leather boot to leather ball

(Or more accurately 

Leather/synthetic polymer boot to polyester/cotton blend with rubber inner ball)

Put said ball in the opposition goal

But ... that's not all...

It's a safe place for grown men to emotionally connect,

Without fear of losing another mans respect,

Or dealing with issues that we're trying to deflect.

It's how I connect-ed with m...

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2010. New job. New government.

2010. New job. New government.


How can you raise kids that are in good health when you don't see the lies that you're selling to yourself? 


I was head of Art and I got noticed

Within a year I got promoted

Faculty leader of creative skills

This is the part where it really kills

Building them up from deep rock bottom

With jealousy aimed at the job I'd gotten

A job t...

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We're off to Never never land - Paracetamol, cucumber sandwiches and the lost rent boy Version 2

Gav called me up. 

Him and Tolly were going out to Never Never Land in Blackburn

3 lost boys off on a curious adventure


Mi mum dropped me off at Gavs 'ouse ont' Shad estate

Gav got us a coke before we caught t' buz in

But 'e sprinkled in some white pewder

"What's this? Pixie dust?"

"It's summat to gi' you Speed" said Tolly

"just drink it!" Said Gav

So I did 



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Do Something.

Why does nobody do anything?
Why does nobody do anything?

Live for the weekend
Watch TV
Live for the weekend 
Watch TV
Out on the town for the weekend
Watch TV Watch TV

Why does nobody do anything?
Why does nobody do anything?

Escape into your escapism
Get lost in your escapism
Trust in your escapism 
Get trapped into escapism
Escape from your escapism 
Escape from your self m...

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Spontaneous human combustion

There's a fire in my belly

Today is my day

Look in the mirror

I look hot!

I make her laugh

I'm on fire!!

My days all planned

Firing on all cylinders!!


There's a fire in my belly.

A mixture of fiery passion and suffocating smoke

It drives me, powering my engines, turning my cogs, driving me on.

The harder I work

The more I care

The greater the passion 


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Drawing from an empty barrel

I'm suffering from a combination 

Of boredom and anticipation

Literary constipation 

Messing up my "mind's elation"


I need some kind of deviation

To move my thoughts out of station

A moving occasion

To end my dull procrastination


Drawing from an empty to barrel

And drowning in my sorrows

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Letting go...

Clinging ...onto...your...ledge 
Gripping ... tight
The pain... Chasing through my fingers
As I try to hold on to what little of you I still grasp
The tightness... In my arms
As I try to be strong 

The struggle - I need to be stronger, I need to get a grip, I need to pull myself up to your level, be a man, be stronger, forget the pain, get this man up, this man up, man up, man up, MAN UP!!...

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We're off to Never never land - Paracetamol, cucumber sandwiches and the Lost rent boy

Gav called me up. 

Him and Tolly were going out to Never Never Land in Blackburn
3 lost boys off on a curious adventure

All I wanted to do were stay in and play Championship manager and drink Ribena.
I were a slow starter int' drinkin' scene
Mi mum and dad had bought us a tiny bot'le o' mead once on 'oliday
Took mi about 2/3 years to drink it
Another time I had 2 or 3 cans at Gavs

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Dirty little butterfly

I want to catch a butterfly.
A pretty little butterfly,
Delicate, Beautiful, curving, intense, vibrant.

But not trapped in a net.
She chooses my rough hand,
Rather than a rich flower to provide for her.
Not a conservative or vain butterfly.
Not one that flutters around you,
But has an aversion to touch.

A butterfly that longs to be admired,
In all her beauty,
Only by me.
To land on...

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Tick tock

Tick tock
Tick Tock
It's late
tock Tick  
tock Tick  
I'm wired
I'm tired
I'm wired I'm tired I'm tired I'm wired
Tick-tock tock-tick
Tick tock tickety tock  
tickety tick tickety tock
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up-shut up 
shut the fuck up 
you stupid fu-cking clock
I'm tired
I'm wired 
If I don't get some sleep I'll get fired
Tick-tock tock-tick
Tick tock tickety tock  

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Bidderbin and Bidderben - Tombo transforms

That day we went to the beach
And you brought a suitcase
And a tie
Because you loved Mr Bean
And you loved Mr Benn
Bidderbin and Bidderben
And me and your mum
We talked about the water
The waves
Our shoes
Our trousers
Should we?
No towels or trunks
But you loved Bidderben
And you knew Bidderben was an ordinary fellow, with an ordinary life in an ordinary suburban house
But when Bidd...

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My little nut

My little nut is no ordinary nut
She's small like a nut
She's starting to sprout
She's so eager to reach the clouds
But with her roots firmly in the ground
When people see my little nut, they say
"Isn't she beautiful, isn't she bright?!
Are you sure she didn't fall from a different tree?!"
My little nut skips
My little nut makes me skip
My little nut makes my heart skip
My little nut ca...

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The reason I'm single

An online dating conversation I had...

Rabbits or robots?
1 choice only
Detailed explanation required


Explain please
(P.S. You're pretty)

I reckon robots would win in a fight 

Unless it was a battle of cuteness

But I'm not really sure how a cuteness battle would work?

Some kind of dance off I expect

The ra...

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The Bag man of Bradford

I worked in Bradford

I drove back home along Bradfords crazy roads among the crazy drivers

Each day

At the same time

In the same place

I saw this man

No idea of his name

Or his story

But each day he ran

Holding two carrier bags

Full of carrier bags

Down the central reservation of the ring road

And as I drove home

Tired and weary from my days work

I would t...

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writing a poem that Rhymes (sequel to Writing a Poem)

I'm writing a poem that rhymes

This is it - rhyming this time

This is me writing a poem

About writing this poem

I'm very aware that you know em

My words as I'm writing this poem

I just tap the button

A repetitive glutton



I did it again

But this time with capital and hyph-en

When I write my poem I think

This is really is starting to stink


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Writing a poem

I'm writing a poem

This is it

This is me writing a poem

About writing this poem

I'm very aware right now that I am writing this poem

I just tap the buttons


I did it again

But this time with capitals and hyphens

When I write my poem I think

This is really silly

It's like being a kid

And having one of those stupid conversations that never ends


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A poem about social discomfort in my first poetry recital

I... Um
I am...
(Mumbles) -Uncomfortable 
Matt... I am Matt

So, I'm stood in front of you
And you're looking at me
And I'm talking to you
And you're listening to me
And your eyes are on me
And your minds are on me
Looking at me and listening to me and eyes on me and minds on me
And I'm thinking about what you think about me
And now I feel awkward
So I'm not coming forward

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Flowers on a lamppost, dying in the sun

A seed
A son
He grows
He flowers 
He blossoms
He bears his fruit

"See ya mum, dad! I'm off out for a drive!"
"No drinking flower!"
"Nah, just fruit juice!"

The fruit has fallen 
It has ripened
It has over ripened
It has brewed and stewed as it matured
His fruit is strong
It's confidence intoxicating

"Last one mate!"
"Sneaky 3 and drive"
"Get em in then!"

More fruit


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In a moment

In a moment 


I'm calm

I'm confused

I'm lost

I'm removed

I'm thoughtful

I'm anticipating 

I'm excited 

I'm fearful

I'm scared

I'm aware

I'm waiting

I'm hoping

I'm doubting

I'm questioning 

I'm dwelling

I'm twisting

I'm challenging

I'm happy

I'm unhappy

I'm happy

I should be happy

I'm waiting to be happy

I'm happy with some th...

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Fighting... Who wins?

Who wins?


Ask yourself this

"With all the conflict in the world...


Who wins?"


Where is our Ghandi?


Where is our Mother Theresa?


Fighting for entertainment...


Cowboys and Indians 

Home Alone


War games

Call of Duty

Action movies



Martial arts






Now, think of a b...

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Back to work

Back to work

I'm here
But I'm not here
I'm half lost in limbo
Somewhere between now and the past and the future 
But off to the left a bit
And slightly south
Behind that bush
Wearing a banana-man costume

Why am I there?
Well, why be anywhere in particular?
Especially now
With no kids in
And time
To dream
But nothing to do
Except tap tap tap on my phone

Trying to get...

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Days when I struggle
'N' nowt seems reet 
'N' t' big stuff is consumin me
'N' then mi mates come round
Drink some beer
Eat some food
Talk some shit
Watch a film
All o' t' stuff as matters 
They know
I could talk about t' big stuff
But I won't 
They know me an' I'm safe
It dunt matter
What matters now is the size of a chimps penis

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All The Damaged People

All the damaged people,

Vultures of the past still swooping high above

They look out over the future

But with a mind on the past

As they cross the landscape they notice shapes in the clouds and in the dunes

Many of them are beautiful 

But a cloud is a cloud

And a dune is a dune

And there are always memories in those shapes of the ones in their past

So they stop 


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In my head

The catalyst

Then it begins like drums building

Getting closer to you

The catalyst is a lack of control

It is a question I can't answer

And conflict I can't resolve

And in my head the drums build

The drums are repeating the same problem

A million times 

In a million ways 

The same rhythm repeats and repeats because I don't know the next line

I don't know how to cha...

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To the Woman I'm yet to meet

To The Woman I'm Yet to Meet

I'm not perfect
I'm scared
Be patient 
I hurt
Trust me
Give me time 
Get to know me
Know my heart
Know who I am
Don't run when I make mistakes
I'm telling you now that I'm not perfect
All I can do is know my weaknesses
And work on them
Don't change for me
Or try to fix me
Just accept me
I have flaws
I know mine
I'm honest about them
I manage them 

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Broken doors

Another broken door

Another blocked passage

Little boxes made of pain that keep their contents apart

Don't pass through the broken door

It takes time to fix

The ones that are blocked take time to clear

But what's inside that box is precious 

A beautiful cargo

Scared of being damaged

Like its doorway was

The open doors are easier

Pass in and out without damaging the...

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Rebuilding the home

After nearly a year trying, I moved house

The house was tired

It had dated

It had lost the sense of who it was

It had lost all its character

Too much time with someone not attending to its needs

And it, tired and unloved as it was,

Didn't provide much of a home

Frustrated by its loss of self


I started by pulling down the ceiling

Get the structure right first


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I was reading a dating profile...


"I wish I could find someone normal"

She says


I'm normal

I'm heternormal 


Young, Male, Middle class, White, Just normal

Not a minority - too normal 

No label - just normal 

People see me and just think "normal"

Too normal

I don't stand out - Abnormally normal


"Someone fun but normal"

She says



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Block Me

Block Me (I Don't Think That you Get How All That Made me Feel About Myself)


We met online

We joked about all the crazy people

The ones you block

Like the girl who wanted to wear my wedding ring 

And got her son to give me a ring

Before I'd even met her

Like the girl who turned up in the night on my block

Like the guys who send you all the pictures of their cock



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How to raise kids(warning... Very, very long)

How can you raise kids that are in good health when you don't see the lies that you're selling to yourself? 


I got into to teaching to make a difference,

To add some joy to a kids existence,

I knew, so well, the hurt and pain 

That kids in secondary school sustain 

The tears and the fears and the dread and the...

"Ahahahaha! Look at his Nicks!! He thinks he's got Nikes but h...

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Not sure if this one counts as a poem, but its here anyway.

Presented by John Speaker

"Hi guys and welcome to the show!
The show where we aim to make debate look like adolescent banter!

"In today's game we have two teams who have entered the room blindfolded. On the right we have the blue team led by David!

"Hi David, tell us a little about yourself but wi...

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David Cameronfunnygame showhumourPoliticalsatire

A series of very short poems and non poems about nothing special

A series of very short poems and non poems about the normal things in life


There was a scrunched up bit of paper

It sat in the corner of a room

It was Tuesday


A rhyme about cheeses

Brie, Brie, I love thee

Please won't you get into me

Camembert, Stilton and craft cheese slices 

That last one is not the nicest


At 4 o'clock each day, he ran

Except on the d...

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The Evil Tree

I'm going to tell you a story, which was genuinely one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I'd always been quite cynical about the idea of ghosts and demons and spiritualism, but this moment changed that for me and made me realise that actually, we are NOT alone in this world. Please, I know and understand the cynicism of most on this topic, but I can assure you that I have not invented any...

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branchbutterflycaterpillarcomedyevilfunnygood and evilHorrorleaftree

Into The Wilderness

Into the Wilderness


Into the wilderness we went. Edhweirft and Hwyrflung swirled above us, blowing and bustling through the treetops. Watching. Threatening. But maintaining a safe distance as the trees protected us








... we went, as the gloam drew in. Druuuuuin!! Closer. Druuuuuuuuiiiiinnnn!!!!! Closer. It hugs, this gloa...

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Alice In WonderlanddangerdestructionfractalsjabberwockLewis CarrolllighteningnatureNonsensenonsense verserainthundertreesweatherwildernesswindwoods

An Ode to Online Dating

I'm going to give this context by starting off reading my old match and pof profile. This is genuinely real. 


It's always hard to know what to say on these things so I'm just going to fill my profile with exaggeration and nonsense.

I would describe myself as a cross between Brad Pitts character in fight club and a sensitive fireman who likes kittens. Overall I'm pretty awesome. Kind, in...

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cynicismdatingfunnyhumourInternet datinglizardsmetaphorodeonline datingromancesimile

Sweaty Little Fingers

Sweaty Little Fingers


1, 2, 3, 4, 5 once I caught a fish alive. 


"That's not a fish! It's a tadpole!"


1,2,3,4,5 once I caught a tadpole alive

I loved the little fella and I wanted him to thrive 

but he was too small for me so I made him dive 

back into the water.


1 little frog hopping around. I bend and lift him from the ground. I wrap him up all safe and s...

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childhood deathChildhood memoriesfingersfrogshandsnaivetynaturenursery rhyme

A lesson that I Taught



I Teach!!

I taught...

Here's a lesson that I taught...

I had this lesson. It were ace in my mind!

The planning was tight, concise, well timed


Going into the room - my stage

Put on the teacher face, the act

(My phone is buzzing but I don't react)


Lights, camera, action! You're on!


"Hi guys! Come in, unpack your things!"


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Cutting edgy swearingeducationfunnystudentteacherteaching

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