Gav called me up. 

Him and Tolly were going out to Never Never Land in Blackburn

3 lost boys off on a curious adventure

 

Mi mum dropped me off at Gavs 'ouse ont' Shad estate

Gav got us a coke before we caught t' buz in

But 'e sprinkled in some white pewder

"What's this? Pixie dust?"

"It's summat to gi' you Speed" said Tolly

"just drink it!" Said Gav

So I did 

 

"2nd Star t' t' reet and straight on t' t' moornin'!"

 

But we'd bin sold crushed paracetamol 

 

So we just acted like we were fucked and lied to each other about ow buzzin wi were

But we weren't buzzin

Then we caught buz in

Waitin' for t' affects o' t' artificial amphetamine t' kick in

'N' we got t' Neverland

No mermaids 'ere

No pretty injun girls

There were a few blokes wi dodgy eyes n limps

But no no, no-n-no no, no-n-no no no no there's no pirates!

Just shitty plastic Palm trees

'N' townies in fluorescent nylon shirts 

No peacock feathered hats ere

Just steps n curtains n aggressive faces

'N' me wi' a bowl cut and trepidation 

Tryin' t' think happy thoughts

 

Surrounded bi freebooters, piccaroons, Buccaneers, filibusters and Rovers

Wi' their left foot, right foot dancing

And an eye on t' maidens

Sneering in our direction

Lost boys

That 'aven't grown up

 

I sort o' skirted round edges feelin' scared

Then went to sit at sides on an empty table 'n' hid

 

On t' next table were a nice lookin' couple o' blokes.

They must o' bin good mates!

They were cuddlin' 'n' touchin' each other a lot.

Anyhow, thi got talking t' mi

Told 'em I'd not bin out before

"Ow old are you lad? 14/15?"

"I'm 18"

Thi sort o' laughed, dunno why

Then one of 'em offered me a cucumber sandwich

I thought t' mi sel'

"I dunno much about nightclubs but I dunt think folk normally bring cucumber sandwiches!"

But I were 'ungry so I ate it

Then I think 'e thought we were mates coz 'e were touchin mi leg

I 'ad to crow for Gav an' Tolly

They came in like Peter Pan and rescued mi and I set off for 'ome

 

I went to t' phone box n' called mi mum

Didn't know town reet well

So I waited for 'er outside o' mi old school

There were some scary lookin people on one side o't' road snappin at each other like crocodiles

So I stood under t' lamppost so I were int' leet an' t' cars passin could see mi

Felt safer like that

Time passed

Tick tock tick tock

T' crocodiles were lurkin

Each time a car passed I stepped out a bit

To look for mi mum

Drivers kept lookin at mi nervously n drivin off

Maybe thi thought I were a crocodile too

N they kept smirking at mi

Then some officers pulled up like privateers in their blue and white flashin galleon

Made us stand again t' wall as I asked for parle

'N' thi searched mi for treasure

Asked us if I pulled into port for rentin

"Rentin' what? I'm Waitin for mi mum."

"Aye cap'n! Hahaha! I'm sure you are! Dressed in tight little hot pants!"

"These aren't 'ot pants, they're chinos?!"

Then mi mum turned up an said "oh aye! This streets t' red light district!"

"Well bugger me!"

 

Never, never again... Until uni happened