Rudyard Kooistra on
4 hours ago
These days can be gloomy
and this is where you keep saying sorry
for the things you did not do, don’t worry.
Maybe everything is out of place right now
and so, you have rights to have some space
and even time for yourself to breathe in a normal pace.
I know, it hurts, everything hurts
but don’t give up and put yourself first.
Everyone is always one call away
and I promise you that they w...
Sunday 31st December 2017 12:36 am
Feel Like I'm Crazy
The doctor tells me "it's Fibromyalgia"
I've never heard of it before
But I think finally I have an answer
For all of my pain
But it doesn't take me long to decipher
It's something that they can't explain
Do they think that I'm insane?
They don't understand it
There is no cure
It's a curse not an answer
And I don't know how much more of this I can endure
Friday 22nd September 2017 5:04 pm
Take me to the woods to rip out my soul -
Kill me and bury me in a deep, dark hole.
In abandoned houses,
Listening to my heart scream -
Drowing out the loudness.
Photos forever of jumping trampolines,
And a mother suffering silently,
Sleeping on the floor with the sick kittens -
Wondering where I put the sandwich I bit in
Thursday 21st September 2017 8:25 pm
Black Dog. Stalking me. Matching
every step. Haunting
my shadow. Nanometre
My psyche cringes. Ruin’s
proximity creeping fear
into me. One false move. One
trip. One fall. One turn against
the flow, the stalking dog bites.
And I press on. Walk with fear
behind me. I’ve been knocked down.
I’ve got up. I’ve re-built lives....
Wednesday 2nd August 2017 8:53 am
It's smaller on the inside,
Come and be my guide.
The lock shrinks the place,
to such a tiny space.
The space is retreating,
It stops your heart beating,
Room starts swimming,
Constricting air thinning.
Can't help feeling sickly,
I need to get out quickly,
It constricts your chest
Lead weight thermal vest.
Sweat covers my brow,
Need to get...
Monday 3rd July 2017 2:14 pm
Must touch once, twice, thrice!
Otherwise I must pay the price!
Penetrating thoughts that won’t go away,
Compulsions that haunt me day by day,
Anxiety comes, anxiety goes,
Got guilt, depression and so much obsession.
Please leave me!
Thursday 29th June 2017 1:54 am
What is a disability?
Is it there for all to see?
Do they look a little special,
Or just a bit like me.
Maybe there is a wheel chair,
Crutches or a splint.
What about the eye patch?
Is there just a little hint?
What about that limp he has?
Or the crooked looking stance?
Some just look so ordinary.
They can even dance.
Some they think imagine it,
Thursday 22nd June 2017 6:05 pm
-Would you feel better
if you had a label?
I probe the air with my left eye, spy
socratic poker face with my right -
she can't see me, just case notes;
I, unidentified, somewhere between
the sighing beige of the walls
and the dirty carpet, stained
with confessions, some sharp enough
to draw blood, others hollow and
unyielding. She te...
Sunday 11th June 2017 2:01 pm
It's the door.
Don't come to the house,
Invasion not wanted!
Discussion not needed.
It's the door.
Blind with panic
Screams deathly quiet.
No need for checking on.
Perfectly capable self.
It's the door.
Tension of a coiled spr...
Friday 9th June 2017 2:07 pm
Don't worry if the path you travel is crooked,
your destination is not clear,
the turns you make misguided,
the route a little obscured.
Each step you chose to wander, may be a step too far,
but the journey shapes your future and makes you what you are.
Past steps they are not wasted, they shaped your inner soul.
They led you to your future,
guided an inner goal.
Every inch is wort...
Wednesday 24th May 2017 7:22 pm
The preacher man was there.
Advising, guiding providing prayer.
He keeps himself hidden away
Wise words from him today.
The better place he beckons me to
transcendent mythical city for few.
His heaven is closer dragged in.
Going along he can never win.
He isn't there
He is no where
He is strong
He is right
I am weak
I am lost
I am gone
I am here
The preacher man was there...
Wednesday 17th May 2017 7:50 pm
There are challenges we face that others don't see,
may never experience, never understand.
Invisible mountains we climb alone,
oceans we swim feeling out of our depth.
But we do it. We fight it. We beat it.
Mental health recovery is a journey,
a destination that requires focus, bravery and time.
For all those who face it every day...
Thursday 11th May 2017 8:47 am
The reaper has come to pay me another visit,
I thought it was the last time we will see each other again for a long time as I thought I was feeling fine.
But I was a fool to think this, I asked him what crime have I committed?
Death laughs at me, he asks me, why do you think you have done something wrong to see me,
I paused and thought he was playing a game,
He likes doing this, as ...
Thursday 20th April 2017 6:27 pm
For 4 years now, I have been dormant,
Not through choice, along this way, I have lost my voice,
Through a dead romance that has extended its warranty,
I need to end this, as if I don’t, I will never be able to get to my wish,
The needing of feeling free,
The reason why I used to love being me,
I used to make people laugh,
I would act rather daft,
Silly, unpredictable, risk...
Wednesday 12th April 2017 5:03 pm
I sometimes wonder where I would be if I didn’t have that voice inside me,
Telling me I should give up, I’m not worth it, I’m ugly, stupid & fat,
That voice inside me screaming at me, making me feel I have to see the local quack.
The screams get louder and louder, while I become weaker & weaker,
However, what that voice don’t know, is I get more eager,
Eager to win the bat...
Saturday 8th April 2017 5:29 pm
I feel trapped inside a cage,
The longer I am in this, I feel the rage,
It builds and builds without any time for notice,
It will become too late to know what I am heading for,
When its unleashed it will become known to everyone making everyone feeling sore.
When this mad and manic phase comes,
It will be too late for the innocence’s,
When I am manic, ...
Wednesday 5th April 2017 5:20 pm
Sat here waiting
Stupid posters on the wall
Like knowing 1/4 matters
Mental health for all.
The chairs are stained and dirty,
Water fountain broke,
Even leaflets on a stroke.
The receptionist she mumbles,
Or is it the glass screen,
Protects her from the patients,
Ring bells - they are unclean.
Mental or a leper,
It really doesn't matter.
You're all in thi...
Tuesday 28th February 2017 5:17 pm
Your a Kraken, a gorgon, a monster.
You don't bite,
It's not even spite.
You maybe don't know the damage you do.
Screwed over, discriminated against, scrap.
That's what I am.
My life is crap.
I can't prove them wrong,
It's stolen away.
No chance of change.
Never mind - I am mad anyway.
Who gives a toss?
I am really no loss.
No one will even notice,...
Thursday 9th February 2017 2:06 pm