A seemingly non stop battle

A constant tomentor

For years it plagued me

...it almost cost me my life

I thought it defeated

I believed my moster vanquished

...until it rose again

The calling, the need, the desire

...it whispers to me

serenading me with promises of help when I am at my weakest

...make it stop...

please

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Nothing lasts forever

Time rules all

Everything fades

Everything dies

Everyone leaves

...be yourself?

....no one really wants that

They want perfection

They want what they think you are

They only want the good

...everyone fears the darkness within the soul

Keep your mask on

Never show your true face

Becasue the second they see the extent of your pain...

Th...

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It's back

Fingers twitch

Eyes wont focus

Im shaking

I want it...I need it...

The craving...

An addiction that I'll never be free from

I kid myself thinking I've overcome it...

It always returns

If I give in the pain will subside, but the shame will haunt me

I know I must resist...

But

My blood, like thousands of worms struggling to break through to the surface

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Everything seems to slow...

Or maybe it's just me

My heart barely beats

I cannot feel the the sun upon my face

Things that normally bring me joy now annoy me

As if the emotion is an inconvienience

I hate this

...not again

Everyone feels so far away

Out of reach...at least for me

My soul has wondered away

Leaving this empty shell to mimic life

I long to escape my...

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Your laugh is a beautiful melody...

making the air dance and twirl

Your smile is the sun that lights up the sky...

bringing joy to those fortunate enough to stand beside you

Your soul is the kindest I have ever known

This world is darker in your absence

My heart struggles to keep its rhythm when I think of you

A piece was torn away that night

I see you in everything...

B...

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Why won't they look away?

Their smile, poorly drawn, not matching their eyes

...those eyes...

They are shattered... lost... unfocussed

There is a darkness

Something not quite right

Something sickening...

...like a vital piece is missing

...like they're rotting inside

They're wrong...perverse

A twisted joke

A pathetic copy

Pretending to be me

The eyes of a mon...

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I want to give my whole soul to someone that I trust completely

And then I want them to make me scream until my voice is hoarse

I want to make them shiver with ecstasy ... to have my ears filled with the sound of their voice escaping in a pleasure filled hiss

I want them to feel worshiped

The chance to show them how perfectly beautiful they are to me

Moving together, riding eac...

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Why does my mind torture me so?

Why must it drown me in such cruelty?

“You’re not needed”

“You’re not wanted”

“You are nothing but a burden”

“That’s why you’ve lost so much”

“That’s why everyone left before and why they will leave again”

…please…stop…

I just want the voices to stop

They’ve grown so loud I cannot hear anything else

Even sleep provides no rest from thei...

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The feeling as the world turns beneath my feet

The rise and set of the sun

Lifetimes seem to pass in the blink of an eye

My soul is tired

My heart is worn

Observing from the shadows

Celebrating the happiness of others

I long for normalcy

I covet a constant

But I am lost

For I cannot fathom where my path leads

I am alone

Time has convinced me that my love comes w...

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