humour (Remove filter)
A Monster
In this dungeon, dreary and rank
With surgeons tools, hooks and saws
And bits of animals, teeth and claws
A slab of old marble covered in blood
With needle and thread to sew if I could
In this dungeon, dark and dank
With power and coils and much electricity
I'll strive to create life in my eccentricity
Limbs put together not quite in place
The brain is quite small, I've left too much s...
Thursday 9th May 2024 8:13 am
Rushed Holiday
Friday at last, speed home from work
The flights tomorrow, few drinks a perk
It's that time, hurray! it's come round at last
But now i'll have to pack and make it fast
I'll pull the cases from the loft space
Unzipped and clean, put ready in place
I open the drawers and tip out all the clothes
Where's my favorite T shirt, God only knows
Three shirts, a tie! A jacket quite light
Not w...
Friday 3rd May 2024 11:30 pm
Bungalow Dreaming
I’ve got my eye on a bungalow
now I’m ageing fast and living slow
not much to do, nowhere to go
A remote-controlled garage door
An en-suite on the ground floor
These are the things I’m looking for
My rosy afterglow
I’ve got my eye on a bungalow
Where I can unwind, go with the flow
Touch the roof it’s only low
A resin drive that’s easy to clean
No moss, no weed...
Sunday 28th April 2024 9:49 am
The Eternal Flame
Two stones banged together
To create a misplaced spark
Forget about the weather
Never mind the dark
Harnessing that fire
Gave Neanderthals a thrill
They could build a funeral pyre
And keep out the Ice Age chill
Down countless generations
The flame remained intact
As in various locations
Wood was splintered, split and stacked
By Maasai on the Kenyan Plains
In Uluru’s mystic glow
...
Wednesday 17th April 2024 7:11 pm
Ode to Lemon Meringue Pie
Teetering on the platter
A treat for human senses
It’s food to make you fatter
Crushing all of your defences
Its snowy dunes and hollows
Of flouncy sweet meringue
Are made for ample swallows
Of dessert sturm und drang
Ignore it at your peril
Its appeal you can’t deny
When hunger makes you feral
Reach for lemon meringue pie
Its gaudy citrus layer
...Wednesday 10th April 2024 11:47 am
The Poets' Ball
In a castle on a promontory above a rocky cliff
As the sun sinks down the poets come to carouse and rhyme and riff
Chaucer riding on a dappled horse escorts the Wife of Bath
Johnny Clark smokes with Betjeman who complains about the staff
Shakespeare’s musing in the corner
Working out an obstinate sonnet
Emily Dickinson hides shyly in her cloak and starched white bonnet
Donne, ...
Wednesday 3rd April 2024 1:54 pm
Road Rage
The bike are riding two by two
Hurrah hurrah
The bikes are riding two by two
Hurrah hurrah
The bikes are riding two by two
It’s the Highway Code, but I own the road
So Ill just keep driving on
The bikes are now riding three by three
Oh shite oh shite
The bikes are now riding three by three
Oh shite oh shite
The bikes are riding three by three
As ...
Tuesday 5th March 2024 11:01 am
The Greatest Trick The Devil Ever Pulled is convincing the world he doesn’t exist
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled
Is making the world believe he doesn’t exist
I don’t know why but I don’t agree
Let me explain I have an idea you see
Conspiracy theories is fuel for his flames
Brexit, traffic jams and gossip entertain…
His hoards and minions cheer and go wild
All waiting for the day that Johnson’s defiled
With a rod up his buttocks fo...
Sunday 3rd March 2024 9:20 pm
The Greatest Ever…. Cup and Ball Trick
The trick of the cup and ball
Starts with a vanish and reappearance
From oranges, lemons and even a baseball
Teleport to a cup, that the audience cheer
The magicians face says it all
No wonder magic is a great career
But instead of stopping he continues the act
As he is now handcuffed, bound and strapped.
He repeats the words that makes himself... vanish once more...
Sunday 3rd March 2024 4:33 pm
Wonka Land
Wonka land
Have you seen the land of chocolate
Just £35 from your own wallet
Promises of wonkas factory delight
But actually it’s a cooperate warehouse of shite
Ompa lumpars are large not tiny
I look and stare and think christ almighty.
Is it not Wonkaland? but another place
As I think of an excuse to this disgrace
Willy Wonkas now here and he’s complete...
Sunday 3rd March 2024 4:27 pm
Skeletons Tell Terrible Jokes
Skeletons Tell Terrible Jokes
Zombies shuffled aimlessly with heads tipped to one side
The phantoms rattled chains and flung transparent cloaks out wide
The vampires swooped theatrically as they are wont to do
And ghoulish forms materialised in pools of dipping goo
“Wait everyone,” the skeleton interrupted, “I’ve got a joke
Spectres paled spectacularly, their colou...
Saturday 24th February 2024 12:51 pm
If Dogs Were Made World Leaders
If dogs were made world leaders
There would be no futile wars
And laws and treaties would be signed
With inky prints of paws
Chihuahuas and Alsatians
Would respect each other’s space
There’d be no United Nations
Just a favourite sniffing place
Summit sessions would be held
In playing fields or parks
With flashing collars de rigeur
For meetings after dar...
Thursday 8th February 2024 6:58 pm
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