I understand, I know.
When you look at me
I'm not much else but a ghost.
That needs to let go…
Not everything you've done to me
I've been trying so hard to fix my problems
I've turned are lives into one
Its not you
Understand this for me
You work hard for your girls
I understand I'm disappointing
My words hurt I know
I wish you could see the dark place
From where they are pulled
You wouldn’t judge me
You'd see this place
Realizing you cant save me.
Its too torturous to reach me there.
This world I put myself, puts me down.
The words of hate I've lived
My life hearing is how I lose focus and drown.
Your love is not deep enough
tried to believe You could do it
instead I've burned you
Anytime you come near.
There's never much for you to do
but watch me battle my demons
That control all of who I am
Never being the person you thought
Who together we'd grow Peacefully old.
The more and more you sat miserably watching
I give it up to you for trying.
But you know
You don’t deserve any of this.
Why you hold on to me
And throw out these memories
They kill me
People call it love
all I see is your face scared of me.
I'll tell you now you have never had 100%
of me since I was sixteen.
Its not your fault.
Please know you are not the problems
I have fought.
I've done this to myself
really I've been trying to solve my issues.
I'm guilty for dragging you with me.
You should be taken care of
returning all the love
That I took away
I patched my gaping wound
Seriously I watched it consume you.
Turn you into a man
that thinks he is as worthless as I am.
When it was I that has fucked you.
To be honest this isn't me.
I can tell you I never known myself
But you may never believe me.
I'm suppose to be better then this
And I cant find out how to fix this.
Its not by using you
which I'm seeing it is exactly
what has been hurting me and you
I'm seriously sorry
putting you through that
I don’t want you to live your life
with making you mostly sad.
I don’t believe in myself
I'm teaching you how to do it as well.
I've got to be alone on this
When what you have
cant pull me out of this.
You were not made for this
God wouldn’t bless such a deserving man
with such a difficult hardship.
I've turned this into such a shitty relationship.
Get this over with.
I cant take this guilt.
And now I know I deserve a life time of it.
Believe me when I say,
everyday I feel so sick.
Its only me
that I'm disappointed with.