Beholder's Eyes

Take a look into my eyes,
And maybe we will find
that between you and me
It's the way that love should be.

She told me I had beautiful eyes
her heart said friends
and her mouth did too...
and my mind's confused now I'm not with you.

See I can be the best friend that I have been for years
or I can be the guy that can hold you near.
But I can't be this.

You said you don't want me to be hurt or sad.
Well how can this be when I'm lost in emotional quicksand?
Memories of unrealized dreams trickle beneath my feet
enclosing me in apathy.

My eyes twinkle for you as a happy friend
or the willing prey of my transatlantic temptress...
but not like this.

I can't do this.
I can't tell you you're beautiful and just casually admire your voluptuous hips.
I can't allow you to run your fingers through this Indifro
or compliment my scent and rugged masculinity.
But I can't do this.

My eyes can't sparkle like an ocean of realised dreams
when all we wanted lies shipwrecked on the isle of uncertainty.

If you want a friend, I'm here.
If you want to friend date
without the emotional prerequisite of romantic restriction...
I'm here.
If you ever see me like you did,
like I wish you would - I'm here.
But I just can't be there...
I just can't be this.

Every compliment instead of rubbing my ego
just shatters my soul.
If you're so beautiful
and I'm so handsome
then why exist in awkwardness and timidity?
I will not push you
nor will I pull you into submissive inequity.
Instead I wish to take your hand
and run like the children of young love we once were
towards a new destination.
But I cannot be this...
this lost boy without a map carving wishes into the whispers in the wind.

I gave the the promise with golden grace to always love you
and I will.
But not like this.
Saturn has three rings and does not question their existence
yet you query the nature of just one given as a mark of our unique friendship.
I can shine like platinum...
But not like this.

I cannot be the friend you say is handsome, pretty, rugged gorgeous
or those beautiful eyes will seep with sadness.
I cannot feel comfortable as you recite make believe love scenes with fictional characters in my accent
whilst choosing not to believe in a different love that does not yet have a definition.
A one true friendship like Brick spoke of.
Our love is not like a gushing puppy or a goo goo gaa gaa baba.
It is real, it is adult and it is as yet undefined.
You would not look at or flirt with a sibling like we have.
Friends not family
and not family if we remain "just friends".

When you kiss my cheek
my lips scream scorn with jealous envy
and I wish I'd have impulsively held you close and kissed you that first night
who cares if your mothers watching?
But I didn't
and I can't... like this.

I don't know what we are
or what we can be.
But I know what we are not.
We are not brother and sister.
We are not boyfriend and girlfriend.
We are not "just friends".
We are not anything we do not want to be or choose to be.
But I will not be tortured by this uncertainty.
Your flirtation hurts me more than a mutually terminated relationship ever could
as it is like a cyrogenic catalyst
frozen before the chemical that creates butterfly blossoms can escape it's condemning cocoon.

I don't know what I am or can be to you.
But I cannot be this.

Take a look into my eyes,
And maybe we will find
that between you and me
It's the way that love should be.

awarenessconfusionconnectivityeyesfriendshiphonestyhopeintimacyknowledgelovepatienceresponsibilityspiritual bondstrengthtruth

◄ White Band

What is this you call victory? ►

Comments

stella jones

Sun 16th Oct 2011 21:57


Felt where you were coming from with this..but like Lynn I do think you can do with some editing and cherry pick your lines to make the point..really like the lines I don't know what I am or can be to you, but I cannot be this..says much. :)

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Lynn Dye

Sun 16th Oct 2011 21:38

I enjoyed this, especially the first verse and "this lost boy without a map carving wishes into the whispers in the wind". I never consider myself a good critic, yet I would say there are several other lines I think are good, although I worry if in whole it may be over long. I also like the repetition of I can't be this.

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