Poetry Blog by Nick (2020, Depression)
on Suicidal OCD. (Sat, 2 Nov 2019 01:09 pm)
A simple note to explain doesn't seem long enough
To bring on one sheet my final feelings and thoughts
Why am I doing this and what lead me here?
It wasn't just one event and the timing wasn't near.
I'd start when I was younger but who can remember that far back?
Unfortunately I do with every panic and anxiety attack.
You'd probably start to see why by the time I finished 10th grade
Sunday 8th November 2020 5:53 am
Clock out, start my car and check my phone.
I look down, see a text "Hey, you doing okay bro?"
Confused and realizing I missed about 12 calls.
Didn't know what was going on, nothing was clear,
*Incoming call from 'enter name here'*.
I answered "Hey what's up?" and then I heard the tears.
"What's going on? What did I miss? Are you alright?"
'You didn't hear? She was driving and passed away l...
Tuesday 11th December 2018 7:58 am
Rip off the band-aid, get it over with
I never thought it would come to this
Clear mind, clear eyes
Walking straight, no more lies
Don't rely on me and I won't let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown
These feelings are getting harder to fight myself
Pulling teeth to admit I need some help
It's cutting deep on the webbings ...
Tuesday 27th November 2018 11:58 pm
This bed it is a bridge
Of what is real and fantasy
I despise reality
I'd rather keep dreaming
Where I am free
To be alive
Where I will thrive
And my heart can be
Free from knives
I will not cry
I can not feel
I stay in bed to escape what is real
Monday 1st October 2018 1:58 pm
When I try to sleep, I remember all my fears,
And every mistake I've made in the past five years.
My heart feels heavy, alone in a crowded room.
Suffocating claustrophobia, will this be over soon?
This is exhausting, trying to win this fight.
Hand over mouth, nothing's felt so right.
I'm running out of breath, I can't make this climb.
Chasing down the clock, seems I'm out of time.
Tuesday 11th September 2018 2:13 pm
I'm lying on the bathroom floor again
Heavy breathing, I got pills in my hand
Shaking and waiting for the sandman
To take me to sleep so you can understand
This is not a claim to fame
Only an attempt for you to remember my name
When you see me in the headlines saying "He wasn't okay"
Oh you miss me now? Ain't that a shame.
I'm not coming back, there is no replay
You can't take ba...
Wednesday 20th June 2018 1:59 pm
If you're not careful you can get lost in the woods of your mind.
My piece of advice would be to bring with you a guide.
Someone to hold your hand and walk you through.
So that if something is lurking you have someone to hold onto.
Make sure the person you bring is trustworthy.
That they'll stick around when it starts to get scary.
Things go bump in the night and more-so in these woods.
Thursday 26th April 2018 2:59 pm
Don't call it a comeback
My depressions been here for years
I still smoke myself to sleep
And calm my anxiety with 3 or more beers
It's just goes to show
That I should stay in my lane
I stare at the bottom of an empty bottle
Just to focus on something other than pain
I knew it'd come back
I knew it was too good to be true
Depression isn't a state of mind
It's something that controls you
Friday 2nd March 2018 3:12 pm
I'm afraid to have kids
What if they get my depression
Or fucking alcoholism?
What am I supposed to say to them?
Suck it up.
You'll soon find out,
Life just fucking sucks"
It's just not fair
To pass on an ongoing burden
To watch my kid suffer
Knowing that I can't relieve them
They're supposed to be protected
But I can't save them from themself
It just kill...
Friday 16th February 2018 5:22 pm