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For You, Wherever You Are
It was on my first of many elevator rides
up from the basement floor
I met a woman with short, red hair and a leather jacket,
who I only ever saw
just this once.
I don’t know whether I ever responded
when she spoke to me
or to God
or to the elevator door
saying:
three years ago, now,
they had given her six months to live.
saying:
three ye...
Saturday 16th March 2024 2:21 am
Friday Morning Chemo Brain
Today at school, I locked myself in the bathroom
so I could cry where no one could see.
Things aren’t the same anymore and I don’t know
how to communicate it.
I find myself unable to do the simplest things—
to comprehend, to remember, to articulate
the things I could before.
This morning, I sat in silence and stretched and breathed in deeply,
and I said t...
Thursday 12th January 2023 1:00 am
I Want You to Know
I want to tell you.
I want to write it down.
I want to have the right words.
I want to feel them. I want you to feel them. I want you to feel what I felt.
I want you to know. About everything. I want to show it to you in broad daylight.
I want you to see it. I want you to face it. I want you to taste it
when the water turns to bleach. I want it to blister the inside of your ...
Saturday 27th November 2021 5:40 am
Ode to the Butterfly Window
I always hoped I’d get a seat next to them—
After so many hours in that chair, you look for anything to make you smile.
Most days I came prepared with things to occupy my mind.
I carried a book of Kate Bush’s song lyrics, called How to Be Invisible, which had been nearly ruined once when I spilled an entire canteen of water in the bag I packed to take to the hospital.
Bu...
Saturday 27th November 2021 5:35 am
A Year Ago, Tomorrow
“De Temps En Temps,” by Josephine Baker. That’s what I was listening to. Funny now to think I'd ever forget how it felt, something like that.
Alone and facing my death in a stranger’s beach house, next to a dark, cold, ocean in the dead of Winter.
I ate Dove chocolates and soaked in a warm bath with bubbles to the brim, and listened to “De Temps en Temps,” while lifting a razor to...
Tuesday 6th April 2021 4:39 am
The Violence Now of Miss Anthropocene
The sound of “Violence”
I can feel it
Heavy-
Weight in
My stomach
Standing on
The ledge, again
Don’t move
Don’t slip
The poison running through
My veins, I feel it
Hurting me, helping me
Smells of
Pink plastic wig
Pretty pink perfume
Pretty
Make me pretty
Don’t let me
Lose me
Pray to God I don’t
Lose th...
Monday 1st March 2021 3:38 am
Lucky Girl
i am a lucky girl.
just recently i read that
on average
people take around 24,000 breaths
everyday
in between words
and laughs
and running late to their jobs.
today i watched an old
PJ Harvey concert on tv
she was singing and
screaming and
breathing
all over the place-
it was great
i bet i took a thousand breaths
just sitting there watchi...
Tuesday 26th January 2021 3:36 am
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