A List Of Things We Buried In The Garden

- A photograph of better times.

- An empty bottle of scotch.

- A well thumbed copy of ‘True Crimes’.

- A useless, broken watch.

- Seven bottles of little white pills.

- A pair of latex gloves.

- A folder with a thousand bills.

- A bunch of dead foxgloves.

- The broken vase they occupied...

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Recipe For Disaster

Make sure you’ve got a big bowl.

OK, we’re ready to commence.

Take a pinch of honesty,

add an ounce of common sense,

stir in bloody mindedness,

gently fold in care,

season it with integrity

(if you’ve got any spare),

sprinkle it with passion,

avoid the nuts and flakes,

put it in a hot oven

and see how long it takes

for it to become bu...

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Falling Down The Cracks In The Pavement

I’ve given up the cakes

and all the biscuits too,
I’ve given up the beer

(and I really liked a brew).

I’ve given up the crisps,

I’ve given up the Coke,

I’m really trying hard to be

a really slimmer bloke.

The curries have gone with the wind,

the Mexican’s waved goodbye,

the Chinese are prawn crackered

and I’ve said...

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