Poetry Blogs (2019, regret)

He was generous he was sweet
He fed us well, we were meat

Yet somehow as others hobbled towards his call
To feed, to fatten, to round, to fall

I saw myself getting sick and more frail
I felt death near, I felt pale

I saw the colors of existence washing away like dirt in a shower
I saw Him as he was, generous with the meat yet not generous with His power

Thus this was the cu...

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Entreaties

My gums are bleeding again.

There’s a stack of papers that need attention

But I can’t find my glasses.

My truck is making that funny noise.

I sleep too late

Because no one wakes me.

I don’t write

I feel it’s all been said.

I find I’m repeating myself

No one takes me seriously

Your point’s been made:

I am selfish and fickle,

Say whate...

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Michelangelo said the work of art awaited him beneath the slab of marble, merely for him to uncover it. In my own small way I understand that as I write these days. The poem I know is possible waits patiently at the other side across a murky divide and with luck and patience maybe I can reach it, reveal it.

Here is  one I wrote about a barbecue years ago in the small town where I lived.

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We track the oblique, sly fireflies
that keep popping fitfully by.

While life swarms invitingly by the side
we remain rabidly hustling
recklessly trailing
those brusque cracking stars
      ...shifty, deceptive, volatile
in onyx-bronze, raven nights

❋

We: the tenderfoot novice
bulldozed on many a graceless trip
half-cocked, peripheral, stoned
and profoundly ill with pitiful

short-sigh...

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pull out thre trigger u know how it go 

call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4

when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody

release all my problems when I drink this bottle 

still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model 

nobody know about all of my problems 

call up tequila u know she gon solve it 

I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody 

I try to reach out but they always dec...

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Set my heart free of chain
Don't break my heart again
Live your world keep me alone
I regret to be yours at all.

Since we met on that "…." Day 
You're still acting the play 
How to believe yourself today 
since you're hiding your goal. 

God helps guilty to regret
But you decided and insist 
Only to make mistakes a lot 
Now get ready to stop or fall.

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Ink and paper,
A young boy,
A foolish little girl.
This became the beginning of my writing.

“Write what you want,” he says to me.
I do, because he knows best.
I write everything I want. 

I write worries,
I write sadness,
I write fear,
I write recovery,
I write my own lovely fantasies,
I write anger,
I write sadness and fear again.
Later I will write recovery.

He takes my ink a...

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Too late she cried

Sitting in Starbucks doorway

After the lights are all turned out

The demons are surly coming

I can hear them scream and shout

It is for me the sirens call

Flashing blue and white

Piercing though the darkness

Blindingly bright white

Flowing down the sidewalk

My life’s blood ebbs away

In the morning another statistic

Is all the p...

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I'm torn with regret
I can't just repent
I look in the mirror and see a face I resent

I dug myself in a hole of lies
All my sins, I'm crucified
Hang me, leave me stuck in time
Kill me, let me meet demise

Suffocating, no more breathing
There's no way to start this healing
Like telling a clepto to stop stealing
Spewing words with no meaning

Help me, drowning, no life support
No getting b...

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A Shattered Rose

The slick cliff'd river smears shiny

blue-green sliding waters

across richly wooded chateau-lands;

hurrying through honey-scarred falaises,

cat-mouthed where toffee sandstones

arced onto sleeping innocents beneath.

A country blessèd and blighted both,

in equal measure (as aeons bequeath)

full with easy money, and its deadly past.

April ...

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He is sad, he is hurting

No one ever told him he was wrong. 

Spoilt and arrogant, 

He had become. 

Behaviour always accepted. 

A love for himself, 

he always expected perfection, 

Nothing else.

It’s not his fault. He knew something was wrong, 

an angel he searched for, an angel he won. 

Another win, at his feet, treated her with deceit. 

Ignored...

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When it was discovered, we recoiled

Out of doubt, out of fear

We focused on the opinions of others

Instead of what we thought

When I let our secret fly free,

I was shown acceptance and love

Hope blossomed like a cactus flower

It would be okay. 

He was capricious, of two minds

One day yes, the next was no,

He produced a name, but renounced his love

I proce...

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Every heart wants somethings thats harder to get

Like looking for that rainbow in the desert 

Or the dry spot in the rain forest

But no some people are hunters

They prey on your weak emotions while you pray for acceptance

You could stand up for them while they stain your name when your down 

That same stain will be seen around town

Looking for love no im just a corner hoe for ...

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Regret

Spin in your grave,

My god,

Oh, spin there where the moon does not shine!

Can’t you see the light seeping deep into your hollow home?

Yet you sit there and ponder how the dirt had once made up your body,

Why?

Because oh how the lack of oxygen makes us all feel whole.

Against the wrath of a god,

My god,

Comes again the ax of the wind into a tree m...

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the forgiving

are also, it seems, 

the confused

we can't quite figure out who to blame

we just know, it can't be ourselves

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You look at me and forget

I was strong before I was pretty 

You disregard my mind in hopes that my heart is a path leading you to my body and briefly

I regret to have met you, you see my eyes before you hear my voice

For you have already forgotten the first rule; I am strong 

So when I love, I love strongly

And when I hurt, I hurt badly 

But when I scream, ...

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Soullessly starring into the air

As her body laid lifeless

All this time the Stifled screams

Shut away to keep them at bay, 

Any chance to show remorse

Shut down and accused of lies. 

If I could tell you one last thing

I love you would be the words to say,

Now I can't see you again

I see the truth that was buried within 

I can't help but blame a part of me

As ...

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I work hard most days
hands all rough by six
ah, but it’s worth every callous
whatever’s needed
and when I’m done, I walk
right down the sea-front promenade
sip on a cup of something
so warm and so sweet
with those boats sailing in and out
in the lazy light of the evening

There forms a shape in the foam on my coffee
I see the outline of your nose and eyes
looking up at me
I wonder j...

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Herringbone

The pallor of the parquet floor
Brings recollections of
School, its classrooms, its corridors

Somehow the pattern pulls
Me into a journey through
Time; conjuring images

Of art and assemblies,
Of laughter and lateness,
Of parents and pupils and plans:

For a future unknown;
For escaping the lessons
And the chill of those changing rooms.

A mishmash of memories,
But...

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What was once a beautiful thing is now empty

I should have taken hold of what we had

But was too young to see beyond myself

What use to be a vivid and deep conversation becomes small talk

Just passing the time

You still know what buttons to push

I just think I do

It’s been years and your fingerprints are still on my heart

The more I try to get away

The harder it becomes ...

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I wish I could tell you anything

Anything you want to hear

But I don’t think you would listen to me

I don’t think you would believe me.

A never ending game of cat and mouse

A classic case of “will they, won’t they”

You can’t see what is happening between us

Or maybe this is all in my head.

That’s the struggle isn’t it?

Not being able to tell the differences

...

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Mare's Tail

(By Paul A M Palmer)

"There's only one way to kill it:
You have to dig it out."

It's what they recommend,
The locals: they have the knowledge.

Scrape and scrape the top, spade against 
The turf and tufts of lichen and moss.

“You have to deepen the trench and then
Scrabble and search for the roots.”

Black and brown in the soily ground
Its fibrous tubes and tendril...

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Walking past our old home

With heightened regret of suicide

I can’t stand the way that death feels

But I’m dying to feel alive again

Every street name reminds me of my past life

Of all of things the I failed to achieve

These anxious images control everything

Control my emotions to lose it all

My bent wings won’t let me fly

I’m sinking fast like a rock drowning ...

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The child in his arms, such a precious gift,

her sweet little smile would make his heart lift.

Born into a love that none could compare,

baby blue eyes framed with curly blonde hair.

Conceived and born on such love filled days,

from the moment he held her he was blown away.

His heart did a flip and his smile was so wide,

his devotion to his daughter could not be denied.

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When I was younger

Not so very long ago

The best thing I owned was a radio and

A pair of headphones

The ability to block out noise was crucial to my survival

I used to tune the station just out

So that there was always white noise

Static safety

Blocking out the screams

The smashing of plates

The threats

The actions

Classical music was my choice

As the songs w...

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"I'm sorry" is not enough 
For all the selfish things I said to you 
And taking your love for granted 
And always pushing you away.

The rain poured so hard that night 
Police cars and flashing lights 
You're at home in the clouds
Towering over my head.

I found you lying there
Your body kissing the ground
Broken and fragile 
Your blood is forever stained on my hands.

You know I wasn't p...

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Lo and behold that feeling

once more has returned

To tease test and torment

dead past willfully spurned

From window shut forever

heard unmistakable creak

A portent of ensuing havoc

and destruction it’ll wreak

Dilemmas deemed sorted

in archives since then lost

Will augment latent agony

with much heftier paid cost

An arduous uphill dr...

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Beset current despondency

goads me again to express

Reason for disenchantment

and issues crucial  address

It’s not just plain strangers

but ones considered as own

Despite all indulged civility

apathy in return got shown

Kept seeking sane rationale

 searched the very core inside

Answers did never justify

with none to stand be...

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the red regret of Thomas

my fingers drip crimson apologies
but now it’s far too late

I wanted to feel the red in you
to let the steaming  coils
wrap themselves around my disbelief

so when you offered your wounds
I was cautious at first
but needed to satisfy fears

apprehension turned
to blood lust
even as the sticky mess of truth
congealed upon my skin

tears dribbled down my ...

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Trying to put brave guise

deep down within I burn

In quest of eternal bliss

notoriety I got to earn

None were expectations

or any of bartered trade

Folly proved true essence

of calling spade a spade

Gave in to most situation

never wished any return

Response stayed hostile

sans as much of  concer...

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supping at the Silverback Inn

the glass stops halfway to its destination
and the sands of time are quicksand
as you survey the crowded saloon bar
in the gently creaking Silverback Inn

see him
the one with the paunch
I remember him
he was a bully
at school
a right hard case
look at him now
fat and old

the stained and sticky floorboards agree
whispering taunting mocking
all that...

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Few moments desolate

often get you to think

How the twist of events

push you over the brink

Streaks of fleeting joy

abruptly come to end

Sans even little caution

or time to comprehend

Just split of a moment

it hits one ever so hard

Striking at susceptibility

when entirely off guard

Once past the insta...

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It indeed turned a folly

telling wrong  from right

Each came out a winner

with me conceding fight

I’ve reached a juncture

doesn’t matter anymore

On face may seem loser

but wiser since before

Likely never transpired

surprising didn’t emerge

Accepted all dished out

veiling own latent urge

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At core of it all is yearning

to someone similar belong

Another there to relate to

and walk  distances along

Bond in sort of perpetuity

till  infinitum which extends

Joyous in times favorable

 supportive in nasty bends

Tolerant of most nuances

offering emotional bind

Forever whetting intellect

as stimulus for the mind

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Confounds very purpose

 in the end what it ensues

Logic macabre it nurtures

plain irrationality accrues

Those closer tend to shun

all unknown you befriend

Despise meant well being

disinterest try to pretend

The time will pass you by

in  state sorry to repent

Unaware you’re of perils

uncertainties it’ll pre...

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I have outgrown both the years

and the clothes

which had my name sewn into them

this doesn’t mean I no longer need help

to figure out who I am

my gloves are no longer twinned

by umbilical wool

but I appreciate you holding my hand

while leading me through this cold weight

I am living in those times

between hats

though if god were bothered to look

h...

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do you remember
those nights
we placed hooks in our eyes?

waiting in our sleep
to catch the darting lies
that swam inside our heads

do you remember
those nights?

we should have walked
the chrome stacked streets
that rolled like silver eels

where stub ends sailed on tarry keels
in that vanishing space between
the night clubs gaudy hush
and necessities capital morning rus...

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Just audio at the moment!

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When I look at the sky,

Is she looking too.

When I weep alone,

Is she weeping too.

She grows in beauty every day,

But I am growing too.

She grows in my heart every day,

I miss you.

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Bedtime

Those days we wished

We hadn’t woken up,

Propped up with pillows

Perhaps, with our legs

Curled around the covers.

Arms folded appropriately

Around ourselves, holding

Chests in, pulling the guts

Spilling across the bed

Back into ourselves.

We talk then don’t talk,

And a quiet shudder or two

In the gutter was the onl...

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Rinse Cycle

It’s all about those up-downs

In the stomach,

I did it for the hit-and-miss;

A squeeze in the gut.

That’s what it was,

Hate for love, love for hate

And all of those.

Drawing together opposites;

Sucking in at the teeth,

And raging at opposites.

Love-hate, war-peace.

War-love, hate-peace.

I fought in words, li...

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`




Once, so many years ago,
such a distant place and clime;
moments of thought and life were shared,
each move in perfect time.

Words in unison, hearts pulsed,
so intimate each gesture;
each expression fears repulsed,
companions of great measure.

Now it seems we're worlds apart;
nothing more in common share.
The last desired thing to start,
last threads fray beyond repair...

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`

Was it the yellow of your bright petals
or the way you danced in the breeze
that I brought you home from fields?
Was it the strength of your upright stalks
or the camaraderie, your solidarity?

There in the sun you sang hope,
songs that filled a mourning heart;
there in the wind you whispered
plaintive farewells on conflicted air-
fill this grieving with consolation.

Ou...

Read more …

Once in every while

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