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The Last Ferry

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I still dream of the Solent’s bottle green,

of gentle sea splashing against the weed clad legs of the dark jetty.

 

Comes then a steal of wind carrying a kiss of the sea wetting your cheek,

as raucous rusted

ferry chains ring out over the darkening estuary.

 

 Roosted high upon her boatyard perch

a gull watches quietly from beneath downy white wing

as night pulls silence over the Medina  like a glittering blanket.

 

It was as though all the stars in heaven had fallen to earth in a rain of precious jewels.

 

River and sea set ablaze in a myriad of colour, flash dancing to the far shore whereupon they ascend safely back into heaven once more.

                                                                                                                               

◄ He Found a Diamond

When Neptune Filled His Boots (Nonsense) ►

Comments

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Gus Jonsson

Wed 22nd Feb 2012 15:46

Thank you so much to everyone for your meaningful critique and comments I am obliged.

I will be contacting you all individually to discuss the various issues you have highlighted and once again for reading my piece.

Gus

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Harry O'Neill

Wed 22nd Feb 2012 14:38

Gus,
This is good,The shade oof the `bottle green` and the `weed clad legs` of the jetty place the scene exactly in it`s place. While the `steal of wind carrying a kiss` gives just a hint of a romantic companion (momentarily lightening it) and gaining from the contrast
of the `sonar` `raucus rusted ferry chains` (it`s hard to get good `sonar` into a poem)

The title tells us it`s a last trip, and the `myriad of colour` (and picture) signify some sort of coloured lights on the ferry reflected back across the estuary and back to the sky in a celebratory `flash` dance.

I`ve gone into it a bit because it is a really good evocation of a place and an occasion.

Two titchy quibbles: The gull should be smoother, and the `whereupon` is a bit old...but it just gets by....liked it a lot.

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Chris Co

Wed 22nd Feb 2012 08:45

If this was most people I would gush- but!

If I hear the world Solent in the context of your poems, I hope to hear of you writing of your youth. I long to hear of your auntie, of the colour of sea urchins and crab in rock pools, the sound of wave on pebble peach and human issues...reminisce.

This is a good poem- but I love the poems that speak of human troubles in the coloured language of a child. I am probably wrong in the thinking here...sorry.

Still any cheeky chance of the poem about your aunties house being put up? It reminded me of my own nan.

Hope you are well.

I wear my fathers anger like a..well I don't actually- still that was bloody good n'all.

My Best

Chris


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Dave Morgan

Wed 22nd Feb 2012 08:29

a beautiful contemplation Gus in a turbulent world.

<Deleted User> (6315)

Tue 21st Feb 2012 21:03


A breath of fresh air Gus..lovely imagery.. :)

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 21st Feb 2012 19:44

This took me back to the time my now long retired brother-in-law hired a yacht and some of us went sailing out of Lymington on the Solent. Vivid - almost "Technicolour" - use of imagery that transported me there once again. A real treat!

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 21st Feb 2012 11:51

A lyrical moment caught in singing verse. If I might make one small point - when you read this aloud, or even mouthing it in your mind, there are a couple of lines that I think would be stronger if you left out a syllable or two, or even an entire word - for example -

"gentle sea splashing the weedy legs of dark jetty"

"a gull watches quietly beneath white wing"

IMO, the music of the 'matched' syllables becomes more intense. Just a thought, and always with respect.

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Jeff Dawson

Mon 20th Feb 2012 19:48

Great stuff Gus, must catch up soon and have a gander at your stuff, trying to play this ruddy guitar! Anyway thanx for comment on my alien poem, cheers Jeff

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Mon 20th Feb 2012 14:40

stunning!

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