I’m in love with an M&S mannequin

With a hard white stare and matching skin;

Now don’t start screaming or panicking

‘Cos I’m not a pervert or anything.

 

Her skin is smooth like sea washed stone,

Or a stainless steely feely phone;

Pragmatic without skin or bone,

To have, to hold, perchance to own.

 

We sat in Revive, in a comfy chair.

She was quiet but I felt there was something there

I find it so rude when people stare

But I guess it’s Per Una underwear.

 

I said “Don’t say a word”, she didn’t, bless her;

I’ll have a chat with her window dresser.

I ordered cappuccino to try and impress her.

She left it. I should have got espresso.

 

I made up my mind. It was time for action;

I moved in closer, but only a fraction;

I stroked her arm to provoke a reaction

But I just couldn’t get no satisfaction

 

My wife’s moved out as a disincentive;

She’s talking divorce. It sounds expensive;

She said I’m obsessed, I’m just eccentric!

She said I’m possessed and I think she meant it.

 

I think we knew it would come to an end,

I’ll still keep in touch but just as a friend;

I’ll pop into Marks and Sparks now and again

Whenever they send some vouchers to spend.

 

 

(acknowledgements to Mick Jagger & Keith Richards for 'Satisfaction')