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Cathy Crabb

Updated: Thu, 1 Nov 2012 09:51 am

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Cathy Crabb is a north-west based award winning writer and performer. She has written over 20 plays including- Beautiful House, Roots of Love, Fifteen Minutes With You, The Bubbler and Moving Pictures. Her plays, sketches and poetry have been performed at Contact, Theatre In the Mill, Royal Exchange, Lowry, Library Theatre, Green Room, The Black Lion, King's Arms, Lass O Gowrie and many site specific venues and pubs across the region. Current projects for 2012- The Bubbler embarks on a national tour of pubs. Dramaturgy for Contact Theatre's Christmas Show. Two living history pieces 'William Cuffay' and 'Baddies' run at the People's History Museum as part of their ongoing collections. 2013- Proud and Loud collaboration Beyond The Fourth Wall tours North West Enough Project (in conjunction with writer Emma Adams)is produced by Dep Arts, and tours North West She performs her poetry at spoken word events and facilitates workshops on poetry and playwriting.


Sewer Side- a canal barge trip from Castlefield Our mistake, We thought it would be informative. Oh, it was, Down the canal Slower than walking, Slowed our pulses, “Them slopes are where they use to drag thee ‘orses owt.” A ratting tableau, A man with a boy and a dog And a gun Shakes us up, “Y’can buy this bridge over head for a penny.” Snake’s skin shed From secret sex life Clings to industries arse, “You really can’t beat a trip down canal as an insight into this cities ‘istory.” You were consoled By the barge barman Who was under age And couldn’t add up, “Cheer up Cathy, here comes another of those depressing alcoves. Look, there’s some plastic bags and an old pram and oh look there, a dead drag queen, lovely.” An old stocking In charcoal grey Laddered By desperate ducks, Our mistake, We thought we could learn something About our city, Oh, we did. MY DADDY'S BEST GENES 'Keep it down!' But the bus driver couldn’t quieten his persona. He was an anthology of aromas. The urine and faeces he was born between had never left him. Bullied into a mumble he tapped away at the crust. He knows he’s in there somewhere. I hated him for living longer than my Dad. “It’s the trust that’s gone, my wife’s seventeen stone, she’d fucking kill another woman” Hundreds came to my Dad’s funeral. They drank till dawn in his pub. When I counted the tills I was crying laughing. He’d never done that well before on a Wednesday. “You’re getting into windows of your mind there kid, not really my thing.” My Dad misunderstood “Do not go gentle…” He thought it was about accepting death. When my brother read it out, it dawned on me. I keep forgetting to mention it. “She asked me where her keys were. I said how do I know? Me balls are made of gristle not crystal y’know?” Some spirit of stenches roams around Oldham. Trying to shake his brain awake. Somebody has his eyes and his smile. Another person is good at swimming like he use to be. “When I hear the birds outside, it reminds me of Grandad at the bungalow.” At home now I put my Daddy’s best genes to bowbies. I kiss the eyes I’m in goodnight. We haven’t got a heaven to help us sleep Or a hell to keep us awake. I think about the man on the bus. I hated him for living longer than my Dad. EPITAPH WRITTEN BY THE BAR MAID Lager than life At the bar on your thrown Fuck off and leave me alone Constantly burning holes in my head If looks could kill They'd have found me dead With a note which read "Smile love, it might never happen." Your beer's always flat Checking your change You predictable twat Spending your retirement Mithering me Till your lad came to get you for your tea But you died instead I said it would be ridiculous to have "Rocking all over the world" At your cremation And it was. Just letting you know your missed Wherever you are I hope your pissed. ODE TO FRINGE THEATRE The oily glitter in the gutter seeps songs into the soul Of the drowning bloodshot beggars who have slipped into the hole, Viruses and bruises cast a luminescent hue To the wilting writhing weeds still wretching songs out to the few, The choking flames illuminate the player’s grand debacle, Like crystals cracked and brittle grasp at every hint of sparkle, They drag regrets, bitterness and debts, Like knuckles on the floor, You would think we they had it all, but they still want more, It must be watched, it must be gazed upon, It must be seen and clapped and grazed upon, It must be laughed at, forged and gorged upon, It must be performed. Orifices filled and stretched, Fate on painted faces etched, It’s all the show has left to fetch, And it must be seen, So peel your blood sewn eyes, you fools! Shift and squirm upon your stools, Drink your poison in your pools, Watch hell’s molten as it cools Before your slaps and claps and drools; It must be seen, It must be watched it must be glared at, It must be witnessed must be stared at, Must be snorted, sneered and jeered at, Otherwise this brittle crawl, Has no fucking point at all! Get ready for the curtain call, It must, be, seen!

All poems are copyright of the originating author. Permission must be obtained before using or performing others' poems.

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Ian Whiteley

Wed 27th Mar 2013 16:37

so pleased that you liked 'forget me not' - many thanks for your kind and supportive comments

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Tommy Carroll

Thu 21st Feb 2013 23:03

How to tell a joke
Advice to be given to a Lady

Know your audience
Know your subject

Write out your joke in full
Read it aloud many times
Remove all diversions
Check for confused references
Ensure you have a command of the required terminology
Try not to get out of your depth
Avoid sporting, scientific or technical references
Limit your choice to sex and fashion
Political issues may only result in your being confused

Practice brevity
Remove 50% of what's left
Remain calm

Practice eye contact
Learn to lower your vocal pitch
Avoid staring continually at the same person
Remember to blink

Do not wear checked shirts, dungarees or men's boots
Do not mumble
Do not rush delivery
Remember to breathe

Practice brevity
Remove 50% of what's left

Ask a chap about posture
Ask a chap for advice
Ask a chap for his approval

Turn off your mobile 'phone
Do Laugh at other peoples's jokes before attempting your own
Get the round in before attempting your joke

Try to relax

Avoid tearing-up beer-mats
Do not under ANY circumstances cough - burp - stammer- pass wind
or giggle hysterically during the performance
Do not fidget

Try not to look nervous

Do not apologize for your effort
Do not sweat
Do not show signs of fear
Do not cry
Do not attempt an encore.

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Sun 13th Jan 2013 20:36

Thanks for your comment on my FB poem Cathy. Yes - speaking to the wall is a strange concept - you ARE speaking to yourself - but at the same time everyone you ever knew - from the person you met in a lift a day or so ago to someone you haven't seen since your first job 20 years ago... Facebook is a crazy crazy place!

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 12th Jan 2013 17:39

I do have some catching up to do. What an impressive profile.

<Deleted User> (6895)

Fri 11th Jan 2013 18:25

Cheers loads Cath(it happens)
piece of advice-re inadvertant walkies
keep away from lovers leap!xx

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Tommy Carroll

Fri 11th Jan 2013 11:55

Kathy ( Hi :o) )you have now edged out Laura as my favoorite person. I will en-devour to teach, amuse and enlighten you regarding humour.
Call me on my private number anytime except Wednesdays and Saturdays evening as I will be shopping at Tesco's.

Tommy. (Bachelor)

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Graham Sherwood

Fri 21st Dec 2012 23:35

Hello Cathy. Many thanks for your kind comments on And Trio's.
I am embarrassed by the sentiments of some of the commentors who have all assumed that the piece is biographical.
I will of course explain to each, however I have not experienced a tragedy, but have merely been inspired by the potential of one.

Thank you once again for your feedback.

Very best regards,


<Deleted User> (8659)

Wed 12th Dec 2012 15:27

Hi Cathy,
Thanks for the feedback on 'Mackerel In The Bath'-I hope it made a good bedtime story!

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 6th Dec 2012 19:24

Thanks so much for comments (Dowser)- have just added an audio (but it's a bit "thrummy")

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John Coopey

Sat 1st Dec 2012 21:57

Hello Cathy,
Many thanks for your comments on "White Rabbit".
I did suspect that the photo I pinned wasn't a rabbit.
When I googled for images of a rabbit I got some things with sticky-out bits which I just couldn't work out where they'd fit. You'll have to excuse my ignorance in the trouser department.
But in the pursuit of literary integrity I'd be happy to be shown.

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Alison Mary Dunn

Thu 8th Nov 2012 14:18

Hi Cathy

Thank you for your comments. I like the way you write that my heart had a word with your heart.

Much appreciated!




Thu 1st Nov 2012 13:39

Hi Cathy, enjoyed reading your sample poems, & grateful for your comments on 'Through Haze'. Much obliged. P

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Mon 1st Oct 2012 16:30

Thank you Laura! I am writing more poetry at the minute after a long break x

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Laura Taylor

Fri 28th Sep 2012 16:09

Absolutely loved the first two of your samples - incredible writing!

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Neil Fawcett

Tue 23rd Aug 2011 22:21

I loved you tonight. I leaked tears of both varieties.

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Dominic Berry

Tue 25th Aug 2009 10:17


you were AMAZING at Inside Out yesterday. I thought the whole evening was a wonderful mix of excellent performers and it was a joy to perform there. I love how your poems so easily mix very funny lines with sincere and deeply moving raw emotion. Your work is so, so enjoyable, celebratory and clever- absolutely excellent. please keep me up to date with where else your performing as i'm looking forward to seeing you on stage again




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Tomás Ó Cárthaigh

Mon 26th May 2008 15:25

You write well on complex topics...

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