its different this time. 

let me explain what i mean

first, I'm back, maybe not for long but hi

Im hurting my body 

people tell me to stop because of the long term effects

i don't care

i cant stop, even if i tried

i know what you're thinking, everyone does this

no, im not talking about vaping

im talking about the guilt i feel 

after eating or drinking

certain thing...

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I've never felt like this before

I know we will never be together

but I wish 

the random drives 

the random calls, texts, knocks on the door, notes, hugs

all for nothing

I know you told me the same seven-letter, three-word phrase once

but I also know you took it back later because it won't ever happen

at least that's what you told me

the first time we met,

I never tho...

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I hope life has gotten better 

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the issue with overthinking 

you think everyone hates you 

when they don't 

you think they are judging your every move 

when they could not care less 

you think that they are out to get you 

when they could not give two shits about what you're doing in your life 

the worst thing about overthinking? 

it is the fact that no matter how much you tell youself that no one cares

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thanks for always being there 

sorry for being sensitive 

thanks for always listening to me 

sorry for not always being honest 

sorry for not always sharing about my personal life 

im just scared you're not going to want to be my friend anymore 

thanks for never getting upset with me 

even when im a bitch 

which is most of the time 

im so thankful to have someone like yo...

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why do people keep stabbing me in the back

what did I do wrong? 

I keep getting hurt by people 

yet when I get upset 

they go behind my back and talk shit about me

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today has been shit.

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I hate the way I look 

I can't stand it 

I want to change my appearance

its just so difficult because everyone around me tells me that I'm fine just the way I am

but I dont think they are being honest

I hate mirrors 

they are just a constant reminder of how much I hate myself and my appearance 

"ugly"

a word I have been called multiple times by my so-called friends

getti...

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birth control 

the worst thing someone can take 

can fuck up emotions 

get into someone's mind negatively 

make them feel horrible all the time about dumb things 

makes them feel worthless 

like a burden on someones life 

tears 

they get built up 

just waiting to be released like an overflowed dam 

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being thought of last 

forgiving someone who hurt you mutiple times 

forgiving them everytime because you have no one else if you were to lose then 

knowing that the tension is there, but ignoring it to not cause an arugment 

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I hope college doesnt suck

I hope that I can actually find people that care about me and who like me without faking it 

it really hurts knowing that I dont have any friends 

it really fucking hurts 

I wish it was easy to make friends 

I wish I didn’t have anxiety and I wish I didn’t overthink everything 

that would make life easier 

I just wish I had other people to hang out w...

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I wish people looked at me like they looked at my friends

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I feel like I am never going to be happy in my life 

I am never going to meet someone and fall in love 

I am never going to find true friends 

I love having one best friend, but without her, I just feel lonely in life 

she is literally my only friend in my life 

I cant talk to anyone else about why I am always so sad 

I am sad because I cant express my feelings more because I tel...

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I feel like people are going to think I am a bad person 

and they wont want to be friends with me 

im scared that everyone hates me 

they think im annoying 

they just are not telling me 

I just want people to like me 

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I feel so annoying 

why do I even have friends 

I do not deserve them 

maybe they are just fake friends 

fake to me 

nice to me for no reason 

I feel like I shouldn’t trust people as much as I do because all they do is hurt me 

I feel like I'm a burden and no one actually likes me 

no one knows how to handle the "broken girl" so they pretend to be my friend 

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sometimes

it sucks to hurt the peope you love 

sometimes 

you have to put yourself before others 

sometimes 

the truth hurts 

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as I lie here in my cold and empty bed, I think to myself

"will I ever be happy again" 

the thought travels through my body 

yet 

the answer may never be found 

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people should always be happy 

whats there to be sad about? 

people who are depressed are just asking for attention...right? 

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I look in the mirror and see someone who just isnt happy anymore 

I feel bad for my friends, they have to deal with someone who cant even put on a fake smile anymore 

I wish it was not like that 

I wish I wasnt depressed 

I wish I didnt have to act like I was fine 

I wish I wasnt told to lie to my family about how im really feeling 

I feel like breaking down every 5 seconds for n...

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sometimes I feel like I'm never going to good enough for anyone 

I just feel helpless 

I feel like I can't spread anymore positivity

fake smiles are becoming difficult 

sucks telling people to "stay happy" or "be positive" when I cant even follow those in my life

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