The Ghost Of Our Old Granny


The Ghost Of Our Old Granny


Well… the funeral went off without cause for concern

And the vicar did well in his roll

He paid Our Old Granny a lot of respect

Before bunging her down in the hole


And then afterwards at the funeral wake

Nothing but kind words were said

So why then has she’s come back to haunt us

Why has she come back from the dead


It was on that first night, as we got ‘ome

That paranormal activities began

There were clatterin’ noises, from Granny’s old chamber

Like drawers being slammed with a bang


Dad said “Either we’ve got an intruder”

“Or us mice have got pit-boots on”

“And the noises are comin’ from Granny’s old bedroom”

“And we know it’s not her, cos she’s gone”


So we went in, and saw the image of Granny

Who’d alus been scary and gross

But scariness took on a new perspective

Now that she’d come back as a ghost


She looked just as she did when we laid her to rest

But with muck from her grave on her head

Dad said “Mother, what’s thy doin’ back here?”

“Has tha forgot that tha’s dead?”


She said “No Son, but I’ve just had a pig of a day”

“As I’ve worked my way up from beneath”

“Then to find that you’ve left me in Purgatory”

“And had me buried….. Not wearin’ me teeth”


She said “I tried to get in upstairs

“But they wain’t let me in incomplete”

“And I don’t fancy downstairs, cos Grandad’s still down there”

“And that’s someone I don’t want to meet”


“So now I’m stuck here….  In Limbo”

“In toothless destitution”

“And I blame you for my predicament”

“So I’ve come back for retribution”


She said “I’ve come back to haunt yus”

“Cos I really resent yus”

“For ‘avin’ me buried”

“Not wearin’ mi dentures”


So for time evermore there’ll be clattering and banging

And things that go bump in the night

But we aren’t afraid, cos she ain’t got no teeth in

And her bark’s a lot worse than her bite



◄ Scared Of Spiders

The Man Who Thinks Too Much ►


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John Coopey

Wed 24th Jul 2019 23:13

Must have missed this, Kev. Another of your excellent pictures of Donny life. A poetic alternative to Bill Tidy’s “The Cloggies”. Brilliant reading at Well Spoken too.

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kJ Walker

Wed 24th Jul 2019 22:36

Thanks Laura & Keith.
Keith if I ever do get a book out, I'll let you know. But there's nothing in the pipeline at the moment. Maybe I'm just not ambitious enough to persue a deal. Or maybe I'm too daft to know how to go about getting one.

Cheers Kevin

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keith jeffries

Tue 23rd Jul 2019 07:45

Kevin, another classic. How’s the book coming on? Your poems get better by each stroke your pen. This one is brilliant.Thanks Keith

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Laura Taylor

Mon 8th Jul 2019 10:34

Hahaa ?

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kJ Walker

Fri 5th Jul 2019 22:25

Thanks Brian, Jason, Don, Martin, and M.C.
I think that I probably have enough material for a book now but wouldn't have a clue how to go about getting a deal.
I usually try to write in local dialect. I do an open mic in Doncaster, so I tend to write as I speak.
Glad to have brightened your day M.C

Cheers Kevin

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M.C. Newberry

Fri 5th Jul 2019 19:47

Holy molars! What a laugh - thanks for brightening my day.

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Martin Elder

Fri 5th Jul 2019 08:59

Absolutely excellent K J. what makes it even better is when some of it is written in local dialect.
Love it

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Don Matthews

Fri 5th Jul 2019 00:35

What a denture adventure this is
I struggle to rhyme a reply
They better bury me in me dentures
Don't wanna come back when I die ?

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Jason Bayliss

Thu 4th Jul 2019 23:27

I love these KJ. I reckon they're about the best humourous poems I've read. I also reckon there's a book in these, but if you do write it, let me know 'cos you've got one definite customer here.

J. ?

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Brian Maryon

Thu 4th Jul 2019 23:02

Great rhyming of dentures Kage!

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